I have an estranged daughter aged 43. We have not had a whole lot of contact over the years of her marriage (20 yrs) which includes her having 2 kids. All her adult life she has had financial troubles and I have always come to the rescue for her. She has gotten in these bad credit situations because she and her husband chose to send both their children through a private Christian school (K-12) in the town where we live. I fully support that, but in order for them to pay the tuition, they had to ruin their credit and rack up credit card debt. When I sold my house where they grew up, I divided the profit between her, my son, and me equally. I thought that would bring them out of the hole and get them going again. But they got right back into the same situation with money. They continued to spend a lot on things I would consider not necessary.

The other day I was talking to a wise friend who does not know my daughter. In the course of our conversation, I said that I had always been a doormat for my daughter. My friend said that if I considered myself a doormat, then that is what my daughter has always thought of me as. Her doormat.

At one point last year my daughter and I came to an impasse. I am a recent widow and my life has changed dramatically, including more loneliness than I ever imagined possible. Our argument was about how she has not done anything for me to help my loneliness. Like inviting me to their house for a meal (even hotdogs in the back yard would be nice), or inviting me to a movie with the family, or a ballgame (we live in a college town) or a meal in town. She and her family go to all these things but never invite me to go along. I have been appalled that they can so ignore me while I have always been there for them. Like calling me in the middle of the night to meet them at the emergency animal hospital for their sick cat and they didn't have any money. I did it.

I cannot imagine how an adult person can take and take and take and then not give a d*** thing to that person (me) when in need. It wouldn't even cost them anything to invite me to go with them to a college baseball game in our town. I pay my own way.

I'm not going to beg for her affection or companionship. It is time for me to cut the apron strings and let her see what life is like without a mother (or a father). My heart is broken. I feel worthless when the person I gave my all to ignores me when I am in need. Our whole family has split up over this estrangement, taking sides. But my take on this is to accept that my daughter is who she is and I have done everything I could to love her and be there for her. I have to accept the things I cannot change. I must have the courage to change the things I can. And I must have the wisdom to know the difference. I am no longer the DOORMAT.