CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Hi everyone, I haven't shared in awhile but am still trying to reconcile with our ED who is due to have her baby on Dec. 16. She had not responded to several text messages and calls but I did manage to speak with her
a few weeks ago. She was angry and didn't want to talk about anything so we ended the conversation rather fast. We did receive a text from her during Hurricane Sandy asking if we were ok.
Our ED is living with her abusive BF and his family and is due to have her baby on Dec. 16. I want to be at the hospital when she gives birth and have contacted her and told her that I want to be there but she sent a text msg simply stating "she is not ready for me to be there but thanks anyway". It hurt me so much because I so want to be there for her and don't know if I should go anyway. I don't know if I will be able to find out when she is in the hospital. I reached out to her girlfriend but I don't think she'll let me know when our ED goes into labor.
All of our ED's anger stems from her being angry at herself for the way her life has turned out.. She blames me for the way my DH reacted to her pregnancy. She would not tell my DH and I ended up telling him about her being pregnant and he reacted by telling her to leave. That was 7 mos. ago and she stopped speaking to us since.
I know I should let go and let God handle things but it is so frustrating not knowing what is the right thing to do.
a few weeks ago. She was angry and didn't want to talk about anything so we ended the conversation rather fast. We did receive a text from her during Hurricane Sandy asking if we were ok.
Our ED is living with her abusive BF and his family and is due to have her baby on Dec. 16. I want to be at the hospital when she gives birth and have contacted her and told her that I want to be there but she sent a text msg simply stating "she is not ready for me to be there but thanks anyway". It hurt me so much because I so want to be there for her and don't know if I should go anyway. I don't know if I will be able to find out when she is in the hospital. I reached out to her girlfriend but I don't think she'll let me know when our ED goes into labor.
All of our ED's anger stems from her being angry at herself for the way her life has turned out.. She blames me for the way my DH reacted to her pregnancy. She would not tell my DH and I ended up telling him about her being pregnant and he reacted by telling her to leave. That was 7 mos. ago and she stopped speaking to us since.
I know I should let go and let God handle things but it is so frustrating not knowing what is the right thing to do.
Most likely she is afraid that there will be unwanted drama if you are there with the bf and his family there too. Stepping into her shoes, I could understand that part of it. But, this is what estrangement does to you, to her, to all of us her and to those of us who have had to go through what you are going through right now. It is just nightmare after nightmare isn't it? So sad, so sad.
My DH and I were at our first granddaughter's birth and was able to hold her several times before our estrangement got a foothold. After that it was 1 1/2 years before we held her again. Then everything was ripped away again.
When our grandson was born, we were the last people to be informed. We received a photo the day AFTER he was born and a notice by email. We have never held nor seen him. Now he will be 4 years old TODAY.
I wish I could give you the magic words that you must want to hear - like how to be at the birth, but I can't. That is totally up to your daughter and her bf right now. Unfortunately, it is customary to respect their wishes as to who they want there at the time. Under normal conditions, those closest to both sides are there but these are not normal times for us. The best we can do is pick up the crumbs off the floor until they decide to let us set at the table with them.
For now, I would let it go that she does not want you present at the birth. I know that is hard to accept let alone follow through with but to do anything again her/their wishes is only going to make things worse for any future prospects of having a relationship with your G-child.
The most that I would do would be to possibly send another message that you will respect her wishes but would appreciate it if she would at least let you know how things went, what the child is and a photo of it. You might request a visit, either to or from her after things have settled down and when she is ready. Let her know how much you love her every chance you get. You might also request permission to send some gifts after the child is born.
Just keep in mind that, for now, the relationship is on their terms and try not to pressure with your wants and needs too much or their will only push you further away and I'm sure you don't want that.
Please keep us posted. We care about you here.
God Bless,
GuelsMom
Most likely she is afraid that there will be unwanted drama if you are there with the bf and his family there too. Stepping into her shoes, I could understand that part of it. But, this is what estrangement does to you, to her, to all of us her and to those of us who have had to go through what you are going through right now. It is just nightmare after nightmare isn't it? So sad, so sad.
My DH and I were at our first granddaughter's birth and was able to hold her several times before our estrangement got a foothold. After that it was 1 1/2 years before we held her again. Then everything was ripped away again.
When our grandson was born, we were the last people to be informed. We received a photo the day AFTER he was born and a notice by email. We have never held nor seen him. Now he will be 4 years old TODAY.
I wish I could give you the magic words that you must want to hear - like how to be at the birth, but I can't. That is totally up to your daughter and her bf right now. Unfortunately, it is customary to respect their wishes as to who they want there at the time. Under normal conditions, those closest to both sides are there but these are not normal times for us. The best we can do is pick up the crumbs off the floor until they decide to let us set at the table with them.
For now, I would let it go that she does not want you present at the birth. I know that is hard to accept let alone follow through with but to do anything against her/their wishes is only going to make things worse for any future prospects of having a relationship with your G-child.
The most that I would do would be to possibly send another message that you will respect her wishes but would appreciate it if she would at least let you know how things went, what the child is and a photo of it. You might request a visit, either to or from her after things have settled down and when she is ready. Let her know how much you love her every chance you get. You might also request permission to send some gifts after the child is born.
Just keep in mind that, for now, the relationship is on their terms and try not to pressure with your wants and needs too much or their will only push you further away and I'm sure you don't want that.
Please keep us posted. We care about you here.
God Bless,
GuelsMom
Most likely she is afraid that there will be unwanted drama if you are there with the bf and his family there too. Stepping into her shoes, I could understand that part of it. But, this is what estrangement does to you, to her, to all of us her and to those of us who have had to go through what you are going through right now. It is just nightmare after nightmare isn't it? So sad, so sad.
My DH and I were at our first granddaughter's birth and was able to hold her several times before our estrangement got a foothold. After that it was 1 1/2 years before we held her again. Then everything was ripped away again.
When our grandson was born, we were the last people to be informed. We received a photo the day AFTER he was born and a notice by email. We have never held nor seen him. Now he will be 4 years old TODAY.
I wish I could give you the magic words that you must want to hear - like how to be at the birth, but I can't. That is totally up to your daughter and her bf right now. Unfortunately, it is customary to respect their wishes as to who they want there at the time. Under normal conditions, those closest to both sides are there but these are not normal times for us. The best we can do is pick up the crumbs off the floor until they decide to let us set at the table with them.
For now, I would let it go that she does not want you present at the birth. I know that is hard to accept let alone follow through with but to do anything against her/their wishes is only going to make things worse for any future prospects of having a relationship with your G-child.
The most that I would do would be to possibly send another message that you will respect her wishes but would appreciate it if she would at least let you know how things went, what the child is and a photo of it. You might request a visit, either to or from her after things have settled down and when she is ready. Let her know how much you love her every chance you get. You might also request permission to send some gifts after the child is born.
Just keep in mind that, for now, the relationship is on their terms and try not to pressure with your wants and needs too much or they will only push you further away and I'm sure you don't want that.
Please keep us posted. We care about you here.
God Bless,
GuelsMom
Hugs to you,
God help all of us during these difficult times we are going through. We need His daily help through His word and prayer and the blessing of this place.