Gordos, I can relate! When it got more than I could bear, I started using an answering machine to screen my calls. I had to train myself at first not to go running when it rang....we've been so conditioned to do from the days before the answering machine was invented! But eventually I found the answering machine to be so freeing that now I hardly ever answer a call but rather let the machine screen all calls and then I decided if I will respond or not. The other thing I did as an Adult child of an Alcoholic was to get some help in learning not to be an enabler and a co-dependant so that I was not contributing to the alcoholic's problems with my own behavior. It really turned my life around and made a huge difference!! And it helped the person with the drinking problem, as I was not enabling him to continue to drink. No it did not make him quit, but at least I was not going to have to stand before the Lord and answer for making him worse one day!! Just food for thought Gordos, we all must choose our own path in how we respond to these EC of ours! May God bless you today with some peace and emotional healing in Jesus Name Amen!

Gordos, so sorry for your anxiety and pain. Lostall has a great suggestion with an answering machine. .
I've had no communication from my 2 ED, I read these posts and tell my self, "Silence is golden." I would love to hear from them, good or bad, but that is only now in Gods hands. Prayers and hugs

Thank you TXBlue & lostall3. I DO have an answering machine, but my sons wont leave messages. I am trying to train myself NOT to panic right off the bat.

Gordos, It seems when we have had a tramatic situation like you have with the phone we do become programmed to react the same way. I like the answering machine idea or anything that would help you have less stress.

Our ED does not call and rarely texts. Hearing too often or not enough are both hard.

Gordos, this thought occurred to me, perhaps they won't leave messages as a way to "control" or manipulate you to answer them. My guess is that if it were serious they would leave a message or for sure the person calling for them would also do this. You might just try once or twice not responding and see what happens. If you can live with it...then you have your answer.
2Ti 1:7 says... For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. The panic you feel is not from God, this means you have power over it, it does not have power over you. You can rebuke it in Jesus name and it has to leave you. This spirit may come back a couple of times to test and make sure you really do know that it has no authority over you, so don't despair if you have to tell it to leave in Jesus name a few times...but it will go...this I know for a fact, for that same spirit took control of me once too!

Your psychiartist is right. If they won't leave a message, then there is no crisis and they don't "need" to talk to you.

Also, consider al-anon.

I believe God does not want you to suffer this way. It is not punishment that you somehow deserve and must accept upon yourself.

Thank you all! lostall3-I need to memorize that, you are exactly right! I have been allowing little red access to me. The next time the phone rings & it's my ES, I will rebuke the panic, same with my youngest.

Gordos i can relate to you,i feel the same way and when my house,cell phone rings we just asume they want something,and when i get text its the same.And yes sometimes i dont answer i get tired.And i am on xanax,wellbutrin also.They have almost drained our bank account,increased our cc.I know we didnt have to do this but they know our soft spot.Our GS.I dont know any answers for all of us just pray.

edr1961. My 2 have drained my bank account. I got a small inheritance from my dad back in February, & it's gone. I know it's my own fault for enabling them, giving them money. When they call & tell me they have no food to eat, or enough for rent, etc. I cant handle the thought of one of my kids going without food. I have since stopped giving them money. I told my husband if HE wants to, that's up to him, but I am done. Esp.since I suspect my youngest has used the $ for alcohol. Ugh!

Barbell, sorry I wasn't clear there....was not suggesting to Gordos to "test the enemy", but rather I was stating that the enemy will "test us" to see if we really believe we have been given authority over him through the blood of Jesus, by changing tactics and coming back with a different twist on what he's tried before to deceive us with in the past.

I agree with those who are saying that they are not giving money to their EC. It is a personal decision but DH and I made that decision. We must reserve finances for those who honor their parents. We pray one day she will.

gordos - I totally relate to this. I had massive anxiety over just my cell phone buzzing with a new text message. Over the past few months I have let my cell phone lapse so now I do not have one, I blocked email from one ES who just wouldn't stop raking us over the coals, and I turned off the ringer on our home phone. This is all totally extreme but I am in a place in life that I can do it and really needed to. My DH has a cell and all the kids/EC have it. He isn't phased by texts or calls and they don't overuse it since they know he has so much work. They can leave a message on our home phone and I'll return their call. This has given me some much needed breathing room to recover from the stress and drama of the past few years. Do what you need to do, regardless of whether "everyone" will think it is weird. Peace of mind is so valuable. I am just beginning to heal from everything and the steps that I took have really helped. God bless. (PS - we have one ES who is alcoholic - I know exactly what you mean, phone ringing late at night = he's been pulled over or is in the ER. All have happened to ours. Amazing grace he is still alive.)

chocolate, Last night, the phone rang, & I saw it was my youngest son..I prayed to God, PLEASE don't let him be drunk or drinking. As far as I could tell, he hadn't been drinking & we actually had a nice conversation. He calls us every other day, which is nice, but it's almost too much. I really think he is paranoid that his dad & I are going to get divorced. Im not sure how many of my posts you've read, but I basically blame a lot of my son's alcohol problems on my husband, since he started giving my son beer since he was 17. We got into a pretty big argument back in January about it.. We were the only ones in the house, but my son KNEW I would blame his dad. Im not going to lie to him & tell him everything is just peachy because it isn't.
I just keep in mind that God is in control & this is all happening for His reasons. There is a purpose for it all. Sometimes its just hard to take.

Feel for all when the phones ring,text alerts they want,need something

gordos- my cell, home phone and email all put me in a panic when I heard them ring/ding. I pretty much silenced all of them. Anyone who needs me will leave a message. The late at night calls.....might not get seen until morning or they can phone DH cell. We don't live local to our EC so they have to trouble shoot their problems themselves. I haven't regretted tightening up all my modes of communication. It has really helped me for a few months now. That would be tougher to do in your case since your youngest son is pleasant when he talks to you. I understand how him calling every couple of days can seem like too much though. We adopted all of ours when they were older. Their bio fam had a lot of alcoholism. We knew it could be an issue for them and tried our best to help them not turn to drinking 2/3 don't drink much if any but the third just went crazy with it a couple of years ago. We begged him to stop/moderate etc. but he just drank himself silly daily, driving too. We were besides ourselves. It seems like he has slowed it down a lot in the past couple months though. He really risked his life for a couple of years though. Just by the grace of God he is still alive. I don't know, some kids are sensible about drinking and some kids just go crazy with it. We raised them all the same and yet one just was overcome by the attraction - in spite of the fact that he had seen the terrible terrible destruction it had caused in his bio family - poverty, violence, death, abandonment, suicide, you name it. Some people just are drawn to chemicals. I hope that your son will learn very soon that alcohol will leave him empty and in a worse place and isn't worth it. I am amazed to seen one of ours potentially coming out of it. He told us a few weeks ago that somebody witnessed to him in a bar! He was ashamed of himself, as he should be, and it was a bit of a wake up call to him. We raised him in Christian schools and church. He used to witness to his coworkers and bring them to church! God bless that man witnessing in the bar! God bless you too gordos, this is a rough rough road.