I understand and would most likely do the same. If he did do something, you couldn't live with yourself. But I think if he moves back, you can sit with him and discuss the rules of your home. You will know by looking in his eyes if he is playing you or really does need help. If he needs professional help, that could be part of the agreement you write up for him to sign.

I'm praying for you and your son.

Hi Norske, I think in a way he is trying to play on my guilt, because he knows me & knows that will work. The main reason I have been hesitant to let him move home is because of all the past verbal abuse. I KNOW I wasn't a perfect mother, & made mistakes. I have apologized SO many times for all my screw-ups. But, I wasn't so bad..I quit a good job to stay home with my 4 sons. I was there for them everyday, loved & nurtured them. In his mind, I was a horrible ogre, & I don't understand why. My other 3 boys do not agree with him. I wasn't an alcoholic, drug abuser, I was never physically abusive OR mentally abusive. My mother left us when I was 8 & my WHOLE life was dedicated to being a better mother than my own was. I will never live up to his standards, no matter what I do. He only calls us when he needs money or his car fixed. Other than that, we are both monsters...

I devoted my whole life to my kids. He needs help then get him help. If he is suicidal, like I did with my kids he can go into hospital.

Sarah, I did send him to the psych ward a week after his girlfriend left. He is getting the best psychiatric care & meds. I cant help him because I myself am an emotional wreck right now. But, if he needs to move home, he can. It wont be pleasant or easy. I am just fed up with the verbal abuse.

I can understand what you must be going through gordos. My heart would probably would cave too even though my head would be telling me he is just jerking me around. I still think that is what he is doing because statistics show that when someone really wants to commit suicide, they don't tell anyone. BUT, statistic are just that - people don't ALWAYS do what statistics say they are going to do.

If he is seriously intending to hurt himself or is just jerking you around, that should become clear very shortly after he is in your home. However, serious or not, he needs professional help - NOW. I would insist that he get it because you may be the one that is at risk here if his mental health is unstable.

Will keep you in my prayers that you are making the right decision for all concerned.

Only God can guide you the right way for your son and yourself.. Please do not accept the guilt. You did not cause his problems. Victim mentality is common amongst our EC, drug abusers, or the mentally ill (our ED).Enabling him will not help him. If you decide to let him live in your home, I repeat your home, then you must give him the rules for his sake and yours. God bless you. Please keep us closely posted.

gordo, if he does move home, I think a familly session should be a priority,, some one to back you up, and help you in this .. hopefully he will agree to a structured contract for behavior...Im just speechless at what Im reading tonoc on theses sites its as if the sky is falling...wow,,attacks are on...stay steadfast in prayer you all are in mine

Thank you all. I just tried to call him & he wont answer his phone. He sent me a text that read "Im fine" Thank God!!

Please do not take this the wrong way...but in my opinion simply as a disinterested person hearing your own story (not totally disinterested as I too have an estranged daughter...an only child and I do understand the grief)...

Does emotional blackmail ring any bells for you ? It does for me...he is threatening to hurt himself if you dont do what he wants..which includes him being able to disrespect you in your own home...ignore common civility and verbally assault and demean you and expect you to take it because he is your child...

Blackmail is truly an ugly word whether it is used for strangers or our own children. If the blackmail was coming from a stranger (as I see him) you would see it instantly and remember that as we pay the blackmailer stranger the money he demanded...he then demands more and more each time...because quite simply...it is working...he is getting what he wants and suffering no consequences...and they always up the ante each time.

I would pray earnestly for discernment in this situation...rescuer or enabler ????

Blessings

AllK

I would also learn more about borderline personality disorder as it sounds like this may be a factor. Once you learn about it, if it seems to fit, you will be able to predict behavior better and know how to respond better.

Welcome foreverfamily....and you make a very good point.