CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
My one year anniversary of joining this site is rapidly approaching and I can't help but contrast how I feel now with how I felt then. It was early December, and for the first time in his life, I did not hang ES's stocking up with the others. I was beginning to get into my acceptance stage, but not quite there yet. And so I reached out to you kind people, and boy did you respond. Thank you for all you have done to help me. And so now, another year has passed, and another holiday season is here and of course I will not be hanging his stocking up again, for the second Christmas in a row. And here is where the guilt part comes in.... I really don't feel that sad about it. I don't feel that sad about Thanksgiving, either. Sometimes I will think, oh wait, shouldn't I be sad about him, and those two grandsons I never see (one I have never seen AT ALL) and instead I am happy! Not happy about the fact I don't and can't see them, but just so happy for everything I DO have. And I will admit it....RELIEF they aren't here and I don't have to tiptoe on eggshells around her, or put up with my ES's "amnesia" where events will happen and then the next week he pretends it didn't. In other words, I am relieved I am off of the emotional roller coaster. I don't have to worry that his deranged wife will suddenly run out of the house in a fit of anger from the dinner table, or get mad because we ran out of milk. By the way, one of her fits (back when she would come around and we were speaking) was over the fact we ran out of milk one time. She said she was raised to believe if you were visiting someone and they ran out of milk, it meant you were never welcome in the first place! I don't have to worry that there will be violent eruptions of any kind! And so then why do I sometimes feel guilty that I am not upset? Maybe it is because sometimes my friends will say, "so have you just forgotten about him?" and then the guilt comes rushing back. And I can tell you guys the truth because you have walked in my shoes, and they haven't. Well the truth is I DON"T WANT HIM BACK if it is going to mean me being scared to death in my own home. Is it wrong for me to feel peace and relief? Does anyone else feel the same way?
Congratulations!!!
Major progress on your part.
Encouragement for me, personally, as I "do what I have to do" . No doubt others, too, who face the little things (i.e. no longer kidding yourself/pretending) by hanging a Christmas stocking.
Many thanks for your sharing. I needed it....
My ED has somewhat reconciled with her dad and his wife. I guess she is their "grandma" now. Even though that's really painful, I KNOW that Jesus will give back tenfold what the devil stole. I believe oneday my grandchildren will know me again. Their parents can't control them forever.
Meanwhile, I lift them up in prayer, and I enjoy my peaceful life, and the visits from my wonderful son who loves the Lord as I do. He gives me great joy.
I don't blame you for not feeling guilty. It's very freeing....
What I thought would kill me, has, INDEED, made me stronger - thanks to all of you here and to my Lord and Savior Jesus! I'm soooo much better than I was even from just a few months ago. We are not wrestling against flesh and blood, but against a dark spiritual force, as the Bible says. We come here to encourage and to be encouraged. We are all soldiers in His army in this spiritual battle!!! But we must always remember that the victory is ours BUT THE BATTLE IS THE LORDS! Every time we are tempted to try and fix things, turn it right back over to Him. We have to trust Him daily with our ECs. He knows all about it. We must stand strong in His might!!!
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
Mountain Girl