CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
This is for those who have just joined , or have sat watching the posts as I did for months , waiting to join in and tell your story .
I joined awhile back , dunno how I found this group but I did . I was so ashamed at what my ED had done to to me , feelings of guilt filled my every breath . She accused me of being a bad parent long ago , because I couldn't afford the things she now has . Her husbands family gave her incredible amounts of money , a new car each year , extravagant living from what she had known at home ., it came with a price tag of giving them grandchildren they could see , their other children found them horribly controlling and out of line and took their children away , so they took my daughter away . Now over the last 3 or 4 years she had really spewed accusations of childhood abuse . not only from me but of her own brothers . Stating such things as we had been evicted everywhere we lived , that we stole things and moved about to keep creditors from finding us . That she had been brutally raped by 2 family members at age 9 or 10 and she has just now remembered this .
None of that stuff happened . She has mental issues and believes what she dreams or has been told . She is sick and rather have me nearby to let people she now has in her life know , she has become estranged , leading them to believe bad things happened to her . The dates of the things she says happened even are all wrong . Her bother whom she accused of touching her in the time frame she says happened was in a county jail for an assault on a man for hitting his then wife . I tried to prove there were no evictions , no stolen property , everything I tried to discredit her belief on pushed her further away ... and when I showed her her illnesses by the records we kept when she was a young child , that hit her so hard she ran far away , and took the children away .... it was not done to hurt her ... it was to show her that she needed more therapy ... she was going as a child but quit as a teen ... she even refused to believe that her hyman couldn't grow back after she was raped at age 9 or 10 and there was no explaining that to her losing her virginity at age 18 to a man she barely knew but loved , . ...
Anyways , when the loss of her completely hit me 3 yrs ago , I was so down and depressed , my Dr put me on anti-depressants and even Zanax . I couldn't deal with it . I wanted to die . I actually wanted to lay down and die . I wanted to end my life . She was my miracle baby , I sacrificed for her so much and she cut me up like I was nothing to her after she turned 18 . That was her turning point . Here I am tho , 15 yrs later , still here , alive and kicking and on my way to recovery of myself . I joined a group called Celebrate Recovery in my Church . I come here and look at posts of people who have the same issues with their children . I get encouragement , and find love and hope , when its no where else in my life .
I don't know whats happening other than to say the end of time is near , satan has a tight grip ... just keep up prayer and even if the prayers don't come that you pray ... try a different prayer ... stop asking for them to be brought back into your life and ask God to change your heart , to help you deal with the loss ... each morning I rise just simply say now... Lord , thank You for this day and I ask that You continue to watch over my granbabies , and I lay my daughter at Your feet .... seems to make me feel better knowing that she is with Him now , and even tho I may not see it in my lifetime but maybe His work with her will take a lifetime I won't be a part of ... and that's ok .... its not the end of it all :)
sending out hugs and love to all here
I joined awhile back , dunno how I found this group but I did . I was so ashamed at what my ED had done to to me , feelings of guilt filled my every breath . She accused me of being a bad parent long ago , because I couldn't afford the things she now has . Her husbands family gave her incredible amounts of money , a new car each year , extravagant living from what she had known at home ., it came with a price tag of giving them grandchildren they could see , their other children found them horribly controlling and out of line and took their children away , so they took my daughter away . Now over the last 3 or 4 years she had really spewed accusations of childhood abuse . not only from me but of her own brothers . Stating such things as we had been evicted everywhere we lived , that we stole things and moved about to keep creditors from finding us . That she had been brutally raped by 2 family members at age 9 or 10 and she has just now remembered this .
None of that stuff happened . She has mental issues and believes what she dreams or has been told . She is sick and rather have me nearby to let people she now has in her life know , she has become estranged , leading them to believe bad things happened to her . The dates of the things she says happened even are all wrong . Her bother whom she accused of touching her in the time frame she says happened was in a county jail for an assault on a man for hitting his then wife . I tried to prove there were no evictions , no stolen property , everything I tried to discredit her belief on pushed her further away ... and when I showed her her illnesses by the records we kept when she was a young child , that hit her so hard she ran far away , and took the children away .... it was not done to hurt her ... it was to show her that she needed more therapy ... she was going as a child but quit as a teen ... she even refused to believe that her hyman couldn't grow back after she was raped at age 9 or 10 and there was no explaining that to her losing her virginity at age 18 to a man she barely knew but loved , . ...
Anyways , when the loss of her completely hit me 3 yrs ago , I was so down and depressed , my Dr put me on anti-depressants and even Zanax . I couldn't deal with it . I wanted to die . I actually wanted to lay down and die . I wanted to end my life . She was my miracle baby , I sacrificed for her so much and she cut me up like I was nothing to her after she turned 18 . That was her turning point . Here I am tho , 15 yrs later , still here , alive and kicking and on my way to recovery of myself . I joined a group called Celebrate Recovery in my Church . I come here and look at posts of people who have the same issues with their children . I get encouragement , and find love and hope , when its no where else in my life .
I don't know whats happening other than to say the end of time is near , satan has a tight grip ... just keep up prayer and even if the prayers don't come that you pray ... try a different prayer ... stop asking for them to be brought back into your life and ask God to change your heart , to help you deal with the loss ... each morning I rise just simply say now... Lord , thank You for this day and I ask that You continue to watch over my granbabies , and I lay my daughter at Your feet .... seems to make me feel better knowing that she is with Him now , and even tho I may not see it in my lifetime but maybe His work with her will take a lifetime I won't be a part of ... and that's ok .... its not the end of it all :)
sending out hugs and love to all here
I felt my heart lifting with joy as I neared the end of your post. So glad that you get encouragement, love and hope from these caring people we have here. For me, there also does not seem anywhere to turn either when life gets tough as it has for me recently.
I most definitely agree that the End of this Universe is absolutely at our doorstep too. That is not a doom and gloom thought - it is a reality that God say is going to happen and the signs are all in place I believe. Our society overall is getting more and more away from the God of the Bible everyday that passes it seems. Satan may have a tight grip but on the world but he cannot keep us in his grips if we let Jesus guide us in our steps.
But, what really struck me as I read it was that you stopped asking God to bring your daughter back into your life and that it was your heart that you asked to be changed. It was that you asked God to help you deal with the loss and then gave thanks for what you do have - and that is just today, this moment in time, because I believe that is all we do have. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Mt 6:34)
As estranged parents we can ask our Lord to watch over our grandkids, our estranged kids and their spouses even if they have turned against us. As you say, we leave them at the feet of Jesus and pray this he deals with them according to His will in their lives whatever that may be.
It is a tough thought for many of us here that we just might not ever see our loved one again in our lifetime but that is a fact of reality for the saved and the unsaved who have estranged children and grandchildren. It is one that I try daily not to focus on for too long anymore because it does make me sad if I do. I too just have to believe that His work with my DIL and ES just may take a lifetime and that we just might not be a part of it either. No amount of Positive Thinking is going to will that into existence and just as you believe, I too believe, for today, that it is ok because it is not the end of it all for any of us.
Thank you for this post! It was good reading and a lot of wisdom for all of us.
Although it is very hard The Lord will help us through each day to live our life for Him. We continue to pray for our EC that God will work in them. We stand strong holding our sword, the Bible and when we are weak He will be our strength. God bless you all my friends.
My ED was always a Daddys girl , we had 6 together , 5 boys ( 3 of which were his from a previous marriage , his ex died ) and my daughter , and even tho that was not her real father , she trusted him , loved him and got everything from him thru manipulations , she was good at that with us both . She got thru school coz he kept doing her homework for her . All of third grade . He did all her work for her . When I couldn't take anymore of his abuse , after 22 yrs , I called her and asked her to help me ( she was 20 ) get his things out of my home ( a home my Grandmother left me ) , she came but it got so bad with her sarcasm about my " letting " him hurt me for all the years he did . That I deserved nothing more than to be hurt . Here was a man she loved ( or so I thought ) and he gave her the moon when she was at home , did assignments for her at school , gave her more of his time than he did his own sons , he treasured her and she him ... they shopped together , even when she got older ... and he is still in her life ... yet I am not .
And this is the same man she accuses of a brutal rape on her at age 9 , she remembered in a dream . When he had open heart surgery 6 yrs ago , she threw a fit , called me and cussed because I called the hospital to find out about his progress before surgery . I sent prayers to his sons and for his new family ( he married a prostitute after our divorce ) She told me it was not my place to pray for him nor send well wishes ... and I did it coz I know she has a relationship with him , and if she can have at least one parent , even as toxic as he is , then so be it ... he never hurt her , it was me he hurt ... she just couldn't understand that I really wished him well