Praying for you gordos. I know that you have conflicting emotions about your verbally abusive son coming home for Christmas...you have good reasons to be upset. My oldest son is the same way. He has sent me a very nasty and abusive text on Monday this week, however unlike you, I only received ONE. I can''t imagine what it would be like to be sent as many nasty emails/text messages as you have. In my case however, my ES just does NOT want to come home and see any of us at all.
Remember to stand your ground and don't allow this disrespectful behavior in your home. You have every right to set clear boundaries with him if he chooses to come to your home. You can still be loving as you explain this to him, and please don't let him intimidate you any more. I only wish I had been firmer about emotional boundaries earlier on in our estrangement. I am no longer going to let my ES disrespect me this way, and this has made him decide to not come to visit, but l am not ashamed that I had the courage to stand firm. I spent too long allowing him to be rude to me, and now it's best for my own emotional health to put a stop to the verbal abuse. We are only human after all, and there is a limit to what we can tolerate. You and I don't need to be our ES's emotional punching bags.
I will pray that God helps you know how to handle the "girlfriend" issues.
Definitely a balancing act..to be firm and loving at the same time. You can do this! I know, because I was able to finally stand up for myself. My ES is now confronted with his own abusive ways..and it has shocked him to see me this way now, which probably explains why I only got one nasty text, rather than more than one, that I have received in the past. You are not alone. Hope this helps you.

What wonderful Mother's you both are! Why doesn't your husband stand up to him? Gordos?? He will treat all women terribly , if he continues to treat you with such disrespect. Stand up and make him stop, cut him off. You are too good, to put up with letting him treat you so shabby. He' is sick and needs to be treated like someone who is mentally ill, prayed harder for and kept at a distance! I am sorry ahead of time if I have offended you. This makes me angry tho! You don't deserve it, most of us don;t deserve it. Let God handle him, cause he will.

I am so sorry. I pray you have the strength to get through this.

I have always heard that women should pay attention to how the boyfriend treats his mother, because if you marry him, that is how he will treat you. I hope the new girlfriend has her eyes open.....
You should tell your son his personal dating relationships with women are his own business and have nothing to do with you..how bizarre.
I would make it clear that he is welcome in your home as long as he is respectful to his parents, the minute he gets nasty, out he goes...don't tolerate abuse for a minute.

Astimemarche. You are so spot on with that, the way a man treats his Mother and sisters is the way he treats the women in his life. Very important for mother's to think about this before they let their sons abuse them.

Thank you all for your prayers & support. I agree with what Astimemarche says. I raised my 4 sons to treat women with respect. I told my son he has no business being in a relationship while he treats me this way...OMG-that made him fly off!! My husband wont get involved until I ask him to. This is his step-son & he doesnt think it's his place.

Thank you all for your prayers & support. I agree with what Astimemarche says. I raised my 4 sons to treat women with respect. I told my son he has no business being in a relationship while he treats me this way...OMG-that made him fly off!! My husband wont get involved until I ask him to. This is his step-son & he doesnt think it's his place.

Gordos, Hi.. I'm new hear and have my own issues, so I feel I have no place making suggestions to others. We just told our ED who was making plans with her siblings to be here a lot over their college Christmas break....( who enjoys being nice to us for what she wants, while simultaneously disses us on public networks), that she is welcome here only if she can be civil in every way, that she refrain from disrespecting us publicly. Her answer was "I guess I'll see you NEVER!"..... Do you know what? I'm relieved! I doubt she means never, but she is too explosive right now. I love seeing our granddaughters, but I do not love walking on eggshells constantly when she is around...we also think the less she is around her younger siblings, when she is in angry mode, the better. Let your husband tell him if that's what you need ... there is no shame in that!

Putting myself in your shoes, I would also be asking my husband to not leave my side if he does come. Even for the "couch" moment. Can he take off the same time you have off?. Will he attack you if your husband is in the room? Will your husband defend you and send him on his way f he does?

I'm praying for you!

*new here

Tina....I am so glad you are new here! You have been a great help and support to many in just a short period of time. Sooo happy to have you!

TinaMari,
Thank you for your input. My husband is REALLY hesitant to get involved with problems concerning my 2 sons from my previous marriage. I just spoke with him on the phone & he says he will not tolerate disrespect if my son does come home. I was really down today, it was diffficult to stay at work. I decided that if he texts me anymore, I will delete them, unread. I will not answer the if he calls either. He has made it pretty clear what his intentions are..to drag me down. He has done an excellent job thus far..Im just done. He has been doing this to me for about 10 years off & on..Im just done. I always used to hear "your children will hurt you more than anyone else". I didnt beleive it then, I do now. I will pray for you as well, you are a nice person. ((hugs)) Nancy

Awww.. thanks to both of you! I feel the same way about both of you.. and I'm so glad I found this place!!!

Nancy - I worry and pray for you. I literally stop each time I read these posts and pray. Our daughter bringing me down is so hard to deal with and it's not in my face, it's in writing. I understand your husband's hesitance to a degree, but this is about protecting his wife.. no matter who is disrespecting you... and it sounds like he's ready to stand up for you. I think it's a good idea to avoid his texts... although, I know with my daughter, it would just infuriate her more. There really is no good answer when they are so angry.


I'm quite nervous myself. Our ED is in town right now (at her inlaws, of course) and has already contacted our other two daughters about getting together with them. I was shocked that our youngest turned her down flat and on Facebook! This after she had seemed to be chumming up to her when she was upset with me recently... Our ED is furious and after venting about it with the worst possible language on twitter a bit, her final tweet on the subject was "I hope my mom is behind this, but who knows". Of course, MUST be me.. oh well.

What is great is that she wanted to get together with them tonight.... and tonight we are already committed to helping our church with a Christmas giveaway and party for the underprivileged families in our town. Our other kids would rather be there with us as a family!! So happy about that!

I know what you mean Nancy... I can't believe how much a child can hurt you. In a million years I would have never thought the person that would treat me worse than anyone in my life, that I would probably consider the only enemy I have ever had.... is one I gave birth to and loved unconditionally her whole life. I'm sure that's a feeling felt by many here. Prayers!

Your husband is your husband he needs to be there IF your son starts to abuse you, he needs to step in. Have him say something like...I won't tolerate your MOTHER being talked to like that. You need to stop or you'll have to leave.
He is an adult HE needs to earn his own money, and HE needs to make relationships work. It sounds like he needs counseling something isn't right. Offer counseling to him at your church so he will,have someone to talk to that is nuetral.
I pray for you gordos4....God Bless you. May the Lord be present the day he comes over and may he protect you from any abuse.

I agree Greathope except I think he should say
"I won't tolerate" my WIFE being talked to like that.
This reminds me of a somewhat humorous, albeit "dark humor" incident..some years ago my friend was being verbally abused by her teenaged son..his dad grabbed him by the collar, put him up against the wall and said .."that is MY wife...if you want to abuse a woman GET YOUR OWN!"...LOL

My heart goes out to you. I didnt read your profile so I dont know all the story. I am new at this. If you could friend me, maybe then we can talk more easily. The years before my ES cut us off were always knuckle biters, esp at Christmas time. You are always walking around on tippy toes, afraid you may do or say the wrong thing. When I look back at that, where did it get me anyway? He still cut us out and stomped on my heart. Do you text back and ask what he does mean? Not having the heart to tell him not to come is sooooo like me. I just cant do that with my kids. What does your husband want you to do? Please let me know if things are better. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I hate that anyone does. Good luck