I am so sorry you haven't heard from your son. My son also is controlled by his wife. When he isn't around her he acts completely different, but then she woos him back and it is another story. Mine hasn't spoken to me since August. I have accepted the situation, but I haven't given up hope and I pray that God softens his heart.

Hi Soverysad,

I think with especially "semi-estranged" situations ...this kind of thing happens a lot. They are back and forth and up and down in their moods and distractions ~ and possibly 'sensing' our need for them, are challenged to meet that expectation. This is partly what I sense about my own SES. Also, he tends to feel a lot of shame related to struggles he's had with career and finances. Since much of our relationship has been based on being supportive toward him, emotional, financial and otherwise, I know if he's not contacting us much, it's likely that feelings of low self worth are really high. Either that or ...he and his GF are fighting.

My son has many emotional problems that affects his close relationships although his GF adds to the stress and can be difficult too - so if he's not feeling light hearted enough or feels drained (because he knows he drains us with the same problems) he holds back from calling.
When he was here at TG...his moodiness and anxiety was so oppressive, but we all slapped smiles on our faces in order not to upset him and just dealt with it. The up and down nature of things and me constantly trying to get him to help himself (through therapy etc) has become exhausting.

The last I heard from him was Dec 31st when he needed money to help with rent etc. I could tell he didn't want to ask and felt ashamed even needing to, but I didn't want him to feel ashamed; I told him there is no shame in having difficulties and that I believe in him...but please, just show a little appreciation, call a little more often.

If he's doing well or rather, when he's doing well, it means business is picking up, the GF and he aren't fighting and he's getting enough sleep. When he doesn't call or text -- it's just hard "letting go" of NOT knowing which it is... yet hoping he's doing OK, but realizing even if he is (and that's good!) that we will always come last. That there's a lack of a normal bond and he doesn't seem to want to cultivate it.

I'm sorry soverysadmom that you're experiencing the roller coaster of having your ES in your life sometimes, and not other times. My ED used to do the very same thing. I discovered though, that it really wasn't genuine, just when she needed help of some kind. At least the door is open for you though. 5 years ago, I told my ED that I could not pay her way any longer, and she hasn't contacted me since.

sovery, I am sorry for this sad roller coaster your ES has put you on.

May I ask what you meant by positive emails from your ES?

I agree that sometimes we don't hear from our EC because they are struggling with low esteem, maybe because they have experienced a failure or setback in their personal lives. They become ashamed and don't want us to know what's going on. Then things pick up for them and they might pop back into our lives again, until they encounter the next crises, and then they blow up at us rather than tell us what's going on, and the roller coaster ride continues. Hard not to worry about them, I know, but I take comfort in knowing that God hears my prayers for my ED. I may not know what crises has caused her to reject us once again, but He does, and He is watching over her. So I keep praying.

Lindajoan, his emails were kind (not like before when he was hostile). He said he wanted to stay in touch and have a relationship. Now nothing. I was really careful in what I said to him. I wonder if his wife found out about it. Thanks to everyone. Praying for all of us.

It sounds like that may have happened. The good news is he revealed his true heart to you. Now we pray for her. God bless.

We have to pray for his wife. I'm glad he tried to reach out. You have a reason to hope!

Hello! Im new to the group & to this enstranged place I find myself. My ES first decided he needed to distance himself from us in November. It's been on and off since then, mostly me emailing him (he changed his phone number) but out of the blue he stopped replying to my emails two weeks ago. My sisters have been amazing and constantly by my side thru this ordeal. What I wanted to share is that it came to my oldest sister that we are doing this praying thing wrong. She said that we need to pray for his fiancé and her family that their eyes are opened & their hearts filled with gods love! We have been praying for my son and for strength for us all to overcome this however the thing is we have our faith, we seek his wisdom, his saving grace & his love daily however she does not go to church nor is not a strong believer. We need to pray that the Holy Spirit touches her and God blesses her and calls her back home into his fold. I know she just has to seek him out on her own but I believe if we pray that God fills her with his peace & his love things will start to turn around & the opportunity for reconciliation will present itself. I too believe it's the influencer and not our children who need the prayers. Yes there is evil in the world and we need to ask for protection for us & our EC from the demons. However should we not seek to expel the demons from the people who our EC now loves & have chosen as their partner in life? Should we just save our own child? I am reminded that years ago when my EC was with a very evil GF who mistreated him he refused to listen to us as we pointed out how very evil she was and that she would drag him down with her. His response was "How do you know that God did not put her in my life so I may save her? Why do you assume the worst? Do you not believe that I can do it, that this is what God has deemed my purpose?" Back then my response was that those kind of people bring you down and cannot be saved. Maybe he was right, maybe my lack of faith in him stood in the way and his own insecurities did not give him the confidence to win over evil. Maybe this is his purpose & maybe this time good will prevail & with our prayers he will save one of gods lost souls. I will continue to pray for us all.

Jules, We welcome you here. Estrangement gets complicated. Most often there is a negative influence of a spouse or a bf/gf. The enemy is always the culprit in wanting to destroy families. We certainly can pray for the significant other who is encouraging estrangement. We can pray that God will change the hearts of each one and bring about peace. I do not think that the Lord would have our ESs/EDs to agree with someone who is trying to keep them from their parents which would not be part of God's plan. Most of the time the unbeliever brings down the believer. It can be dangerous because darkness is powerful and most of our EC represented here tend to be immature or have certain issues themselves.

We continue to pray without ceasing and commit our sadness to God. He will help us each day. I know I sure need Him. Please post here, often. We need you.

I need to start praying for my dil, definitely, that the Lord will change her heart.

Only He can change hearts. I will do more praying for my ED's bf.