CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Many of our EC are having successes in their lives. They are having milestone moments. Graduations, dean's list honors, weddings, births of our grandchildren, etc. These are special moments that we are being excluded from by them.
So what are we to feel? Pride for their accomplishments? Joy for the births of our grandchildren? Do we send gifts, cards, acknowledgements? Do we show up at the graduation cermonies, weddings, baptizms uninvited if we are lucky enough to find out when and where they are being held?
What is success anyway? Is it that great big wedding, that valedictorian honors graduation diploma, is it that beautiful baby that they now hold in their arms? Or is it fleeting like fame? Does it mean anything when you don't acknowlege your own parent? Will it even matter when they go up to get their diplomas and the crowd applauds and that face in the back of crowd is the parent they shun who showed up uninvited? When they walk down the aisle and they see that same face who was left off the guest list, will they stop in their tracks? When that baby lets out its first cry, will they shed any tears for the baby who will never see their own grandparent?
After all is said and done and the cheering stops, the guests go home and the babies grow up and leave the nest, I hope they realize that success was to love their parent.
So what are we to feel? Pride for their accomplishments? Joy for the births of our grandchildren? Do we send gifts, cards, acknowledgements? Do we show up at the graduation cermonies, weddings, baptizms uninvited if we are lucky enough to find out when and where they are being held?
What is success anyway? Is it that great big wedding, that valedictorian honors graduation diploma, is it that beautiful baby that they now hold in their arms? Or is it fleeting like fame? Does it mean anything when you don't acknowlege your own parent? Will it even matter when they go up to get their diplomas and the crowd applauds and that face in the back of crowd is the parent they shun who showed up uninvited? When they walk down the aisle and they see that same face who was left off the guest list, will they stop in their tracks? When that baby lets out its first cry, will they shed any tears for the baby who will never see their own grandparent?
After all is said and done and the cheering stops, the guests go home and the babies grow up and leave the nest, I hope they realize that success was to love their parent.
So well said, beautiful and so correct. I pray there will be an awakening of each EC
May they make amends and never experience this heartbreak from their chidren
I have no idea what they tell our GC especially the ones who know us.
I've asked this question just last week, because our little grandson just turned "one"...his very first birthday. We were rejected by my ES last Oct. of 2011...and my husband and I have been completely perplexed as "what do we do now?" We kept their Christmas gifts...until it was beyond Valentine celebrations...we have been told not to come to their home unexpectedly. So we've kept Easter treats (not edible) and now his birthday gifts...and the list goes on.
There is one boundary that I don't cross over...if we are not welcomed to their home, I stay away.
I knew that when they married over four years ago, that we were "invisible" to them, because they did not keep any photos of us anywhere, even after giving them a nice framed one of my husband & I when we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary...3 years ago...we are exactly that: "Invisible".
So, of course, it's in a grandmother's heart to want to give to her grandchild...and I've knitted sweaters and a blanket, and when I saw something "sweet" for him...my heart was breaking every time I wanted to give him something...so the cards, gifts and memories..I've put in a special box. I have his name on the box...and someday, I will be able to hand them over to him...he may still be a child...or he may have become a man by the time he gets to know us...I leave these heartbreaks in God's loving hands.
This little one year old is our first and only grandchild. Just like the story of Job in the Bible, I pray that the Lord will restore to us the joys of grand parenting. We have two other grown kids, that treat us properly...and only the Lord knows if we will be given grandchildren through them someday. God's justice will come to us someday, if not in this earthly life, certainly in the eternal, heavenly life to come. This is our hope. My heart will always grieve for the "love" that was denied our innocent grandson...he is being robbed of our love, and our son knows deep in his heart that he is shortchanging his own son.
Keep praying for each other and thanks for letting me ramble.
Success?? It is in knowing God's love and His presence in our lives every day. I thank Him for teaching me that in the end...that is the greatest success of all.
If our kids had a reasonably normal happy childhood, I can't help but think that they must feel strong emotions on that day too. If they don't then their hearts have hardened even more than I care to think about right now.