Im so sorry. What a horrible way to find out you have a grandchild. Its shameful. What they rob us of feels unforgivable sometimes. I fight the anger and disappointment every now and then and then return to the hopeful and loving side, praying things will change. I make this change back and forth on a regular basis.

Why we have such mixed up children I still cant understand. I know from my own history that the abuse of others can destroy you. It turns you into a different person. I hope that none of this has truly happened to her and that her mental health will improve for her sake, her children and of course for your relationship. Many blessings

nana , she was never abused , she was spoiled beyond all things possible . I gave up so much for her and will never regret that . The things she has said never happened . Its not only sexual abuse she feels is the truth but other things like being evicted as a child from our home , stolen things she says were taken by her Brother who was incarcerated at the time , she has a bad dream and she lives it . I had her in therapy for many years and when she got to be a teen she refused to continue . She has mental issues .

I keep her in prayer , and the kids . It has not gotten any easier for me , other than the tears dont come as often now for me , I just sit numb and stare at pics on the pc or my walls

Im sorry caregivier :-( . It's horrible what our EC do to hurt us... I have never heard of the "false memory syndrome". I think my ES has that. He "remembers" me being a wicked witch & has accused me of doing things I would never have done. Is there a treatment for it?

nana , there are therapy groups that handle it , but some therapists dispute the diagnosis , its a questionable disease , but it is in my family with more than just my daughter , so I know its a real disease .

caregiver you are correct. It is widely disputed in the psychiatric community. I think it sometimes comes down to whether they came up with the memory in therapy or if the therapist "assisted" them in the memory. I think the mind is capable of about anything.

I knew from what you said that her beliefs were false. I said that I truly hoped nothing like that did happen to her. Life is hard enough. Im sorry that she has problems like you mentioned. And I am so very sorry that you are suffering because of it. I pray for all the men and women in this situation that God answers each prayer and brings an end to this epidemic of children walking away from their parents.

God bless

Like a pebble dropped into a pond, an accusation has a ripple effect on the entire family: the accuser, the accused, and the non-accused. Parents, brothers, sisters, grandchildren, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends may all be affected.

Some recollections reflect historical truth and some do not. Without external corroboration, no one can determine which recollections are historically accurate and which are not - and that is the sad part.

I think that one of the contributing factors is that parents are so concerned about the possibility of sexual abuse, kidnapping and other bad things can happen that they start teaching their kids how to avoid such incidences and that they should come to them immediately, that it is during this teaching process that kids stat to believe it is actually happening to them. I'm certainly not claiming anything, it is just an opinion.

I saw this in my neighbor's little 4 year old daughter last summer when I was babysitting her. I walked into her room as she was changing into a swim suit and she quickly said..."you can't come in here while I am undressing." Then she quickly said, ...."Oh, that is ok, I forgot, you are a girl too so it is ok, you can stay." (We have a great relationship with that little girl) But it just occurred to me then that this little girls is already 'sensitized' due to obvious training by the parents. Due to the media's focusing on telling parents that they need to drill it into them about what to do that I am concerned that it is overkill and that that is what contributes to a lot of the FMS. (I am just generalizing here).

Guelsmom , I did the overkill thing when she was younger . I am a survivor of sexual abuse and I wanted to make sure my kids were safe from that so I bought a tape called Street smart kids and had her watch it at least monthly if not more . When she started having really serious issues over not being able to get out in a crowd and when my husbands children ( 3 boys ) came to live with us , we all began therapy , as they all got old enough she refused to go saying it was all stupid . My husbands sons were totally messed up mentally because of the death of their mother . My daughter never accused them of sexual abuse tho , only physical and verbal , which did happen , it happened to all of us , they were fighters , always fighting one another , severely too ... they stayed with us about 3 yrs , it was total chaos ... I kept my daughter safe from as much of the violence as I could . She never got a spanking either for anything , she was a princess , my miracle angel ... I was closer to her than any of my other children or step children . I also raised my niece and nephew . All the kids know she is mentally ill and had told me that ages ago but I refused to believe that she was capable of doing this kind of harm .

I keep sending cards , letters , and gifts for birthdays and such ... its like sending it to a dark abyss that eats the things and never even an answer back... it breaks my heart

HOW CAN SHE MAINTAIN A RELATIONSHIP NOW, TO HAVE CHILDREN??

Caregiver, I am sorry for how much you have gone through. My ED sounds very much like yours. She could have had such a beautiful testimony of God's goodness in her life but due to mental problems she always wanted to seek attention by having people feel sorry for her. She made up the abuse and other sad stories that never took place. She used these stories to gain enablers. Only those who never knew us would believe anything for a period of time. I am not sure of the name but it is where they lie until they really believe it. TV and movies feed their imagination.

I have reached out for 2 years with cards and gifts and invitations for peace. This met with no results. Our ED like yours knows that she is loved (not her actions) and that the door is open. Now she also as of Christmas knows that I will not continue reaching out. I will pray that God will change her that she my desire peace with God and family.

Linda , this was the first Christmas in all her 33 yrs that she got nothing from me . I have spent my life making sure she was comfortable and well taken care of from my side of the family . I didn't even send the grandbabies anything . It was all I could do this year not to shop for her and the girls . It took every ounce of courage and the support of friends who know my daughter and what she has done to help me thru this hard time . Even classmates have not understood her actions but are all aware of her mental issues , she has defriended them too on all social sites she is on . With no reason as to why . It's as if no one but her husbands family exist anymore . They can give her the material things I couldn't , like a new car each year and clothes from upscale shops and in return she gives them grandchildren to play with . The only time she ever came to me for comfort in the last 19 yrs is when her husband gets tired of her and starts seeing strippers , or women he met on FB . Which has happened twice , and I just let her stay as long as she wishes but she never brings the girls to the house when this happened .

I am just heart broken over this with her

that was to be 10 years not 19 , sorry

caregiver. So very sorry to hear that you have to go through this heartbreak from your ED. I think our EC are self-centered and just think of their own agenda. They have lost their sensitivity to others including their parents. This is a sign of the times. We must pray that God will speak to them in a way that He knows that they will listen. God bless you.

Linda , thank you , and may God bless your heart with love and joy in 2014

Caregiver I have a grandson too & a daughter who is very nasty to me, i told my son befroe he was even born that she would rob me of the privledge of being a grandmother but he said she would never do that but she did. You have to take her power away It just kills them to think that you have picked up the pieces & moved on.
He is a cute little boy & I got such pleasure out of interacting with him when my yd came to the hospital to see her sister, she didn't have time to find a babysitter so she brought him with her NOT expecting despicable ME to be there LOL. After her sister's memorial I gave her a hug & told her to take care of herself. I guess it is because we have been estranged for 14 years that I feel so detached. She is very careful what she posts online FB is one of the 1st places I went & the guy she was with gave me the absolute creeps but you know you just have to let go & pick up the pieces & move on we don't know what is around the corner BUT God does so I just put my children in His hands each morning & each night & I have found peace in that simple little ritual if it's God's will it will happen if it's not it won't. My relationship with my son is here today gone tomorrow so to speak, he is expecting a little boy in the next 2 or3 weeks & the mother told him he could have him so he is just overjoied but that will changed when he's born because of the FAS my son knows about that but is hoping he will be lucky but i think his chances are pretty slim. She sopunds like a pretty heavy drinker. His 1st child was a crack baby but he never even got to holder her the mother was well known to the CAS & they came & took her away so chances are I will never see this grandchild either BUT I did something a few years ago that has helped me. I sponser 2 cjildren to make up for the 2 I lost & somehow that makes it better. What I would spend on grandchildren goes to these two little children who are living way below the poverty line as we know it. And the Lord is working in my life, He lead me here to this site you just have to be patient He does not work on our schedule & waiting is the hardest part sometimes we are being purified by the Refiner"s Fire & other times we are just being tested so we have to perservere like Paul says. Take care I will keep you in my prayers. HUGS coming your way. martha

Martha. I love what you said about your morning ritual of putting your ES in God's hands. That surely brings peace. God bless you