So sorry for your heartache, edr. I can relate. Know that all our stories that lead to this heartache are long and confusing....but never boring. Even though all our stories are different, it helps us all to hear the whole story from everyone, if they want to share it. We are here to support and learn from each other.

I have received so much support and good advice from this site. It has given me strength and hope that I still have a life to lead that will be productive and worthwhile....and maybe even happy. I still have my bad days. But then all I have to do is turn to this site and it helps me get through the day...or days. Some day I hope to become as strong as some of these parents on this site who are so supportive and there for us beginners in this journey of trying to cope with the children we gave so much to and they turned their backs on us for some confusing reason. It also helps to know I am not alone...and you are not alone either.

My one son that we never go to his home brought my GS by while he took his wife to doctor.And breaks my heart every time and get very depressed when they leave.9 times out of 10 when he comes over my husband and i haveto cut his fingernails,toenails,brush his teeth,clean his ears his mom does not work and makes me very upset and if we say anything they get mad at us and dont want to jeapordize seeing our GS.But i am about ready to explode.I cant take much more.Why should i be afraid to speak up for my GS he is 2 1/2 yrs old.They dont care what they say to us.

Because edr...if you say ANYTHING to them regarding "their parenting skills" you will not see the grandson AT ALL ANYMORE..

I been there...done that...no longer have my grandson in my life or my daughter...it will be three years in Oct. and the remark that probably set her off was very innocent and caring...dont risk saying something unless you want to lose any contact with the grands.

It may happen anyway down the road because of the selfish entitled parents but enjoy it while you can...your grandson knows you love him and appreciates the things you do for him...

AllK

edr, You and your DH are caring gps. Our EC do not want to be told anything. Our ED ((age 23) did not want any rules or protective covering from us past age 20. Hence, she left home and has made a mess of her last 2 1/2 years.

Be blessed by the times you spend with your gc. We pray that one day God in His way will change our EC (and their spouses). Keep loving and praying.

I agree with AIIK. My ES and DIL do not want any comments about their parenting. Even a request that jumping on furniture and cursing weren't allowed in our home. Hurtful words followed between my DH and DIL. They left our home and I haven't seen them since. There was always an undercurrent in our relationship and this blow-up was the culminating incident that severed the relationship.

It was almost as if my DIL was waiting for a reason to never see us again and to convince my ES that she and the Grands were better off having no contact with us.

My ES sends a few emails that contain no info of their lives, only to tell me where we erred in his upbringing and consequently that the present estrangement is our choice - that we encouraged his independence.

I, too agree with AIIK above - I did what you are considering and confronted my daughter (via text and voice) that was in early January and guess what? I have not seen my grandson since. SO, if you can tolerate the neglect, bite your tongue....if you speak up (righteously or for whatever reason) they most likely will deny you contact. The last visit with my grandson began on New Year's Eve, she met me and he was in his PJ's and slippers, no jacket and it was very cold. I just rolled with it....took him out anyway yep in PJ's and slippers? Oh well, we had a great time. I couldn't take her neglect and abuse of him, I told her off and not very diplomatically I said a lot of things that had built up over the past three years, all truths but she doesn't want to hear the truth. Within two weeks she filed a so-called Domestic Violence Restraining Order on me? Ridiculous, my ED is a very hateful and violent girl, if anyone has been abused it is her son. I allowed it, he has no choice........so always keep that in mind. In my state, unless the mother (or father if they have primary custody) is filming porn, shooting heroin and there are VISABLE UNEXPLAINED signs of physical abuse, CPS does NOTHING!!! Believe me, even the school is engaged, they know what is going on but the laws protect the parents period. So, again, if you want to see those GC's bite your tongue!!!! Do I regret my outburst, not really as it was freeing in some respects and I told her how I truly felt about her complete lack of empathy or compassion for my GS and others BUT I do miss my Grandson so much and worry about him every single day.....Hugs!!!! Just keep brushing his teeth, cleaning him up, etc, try to keep the opportunity to do so. Just my story, others may not agree..

Do you think it is possible that they are resentful because you seem to be doing too much for them? What would happen if you stopped buying their summer clothes, stopped doing personal care of GS, stopped paying for the B-Day cake, stopped buying so many Christmas presents and let DIL cook the Christmas dinner - and just helped with the clean-up?

Then they will just estrange earlier than they planned as now they are not getting what they want/need. People are generally not resentful of someone/anyone truly helping them out with things...but ungrateful entitled jealous people do tend to be resentful (makes no sense to a normal person LOL) and will sometimes use their resentment (which is just envy really with a different mask on) as an excuse to estrange.

AllK

My dil has a daughterthat 16yrs old. She doesnt even go to school she isnt getting her high school diploma.I think she wants her home to take care of my GS.Dil has another daughter who 20yrs old and moves in andout there house is like a hotel and she has a older son who 22yrs old and its the samething moves in moves out.they have 3 dogs andmy GS has exzema andhe has allergies and they are large dogs.the 16 yr old has severe allergies.Dil is home does not work stays inbed most of day.When she calls we know she wants something .I knowmy son is a grown man he chose her and her children andhave accepted that but he isnt the same son we had.And breaks our heart and now we have a gs by her iwant him to have what heneeds.My son is a nurse and trying to further his education and we will help him as much as we can.He has no help from her or her children.I know he can be the only one to fix theproblem.Sorry for running my mouth but wanted to givea littlemore ofmy life.thank you for all the input andlistening.

Wow thats a tough one...I know I would feel the same way wanting to do right by my grandson but I am afraid that if you voice your concerns he will get taken away from you...at this point you are all the good he has...keep at it for his sake only.

AllK

I am trying to keep my mouth shut but it is hard.My husband tells me our hands are tied and aslong as we see our GS,and son. Thats all we can do.And i feel sorry for my son he works fulltime plus OT,school fulltime and lawncare i can go on and on.This not what i visioned for my son.He is 28 yrs old and she is 38 yrs old.God only knows where all this is going.And i can only pray God will guide all of us to do the right things.Dil got injured at work 1 1/2 yrs ago but she really didnt work a straight 6 months.We sold our home and moved to be closer to watch gs while both of them worked.my husband and myself are both disabled and it got to thepoint dil waswanting us to watch gs very often,overnight and he isnt on a sleep routine if they both worked it would be no problem but now its was so she could sleep. myhusband put a halt to that since she does not work i was getting sick.Plus she hasher other children there to help her. And believe it or not i feel guilty if i dont watch him.That iswhy i am in therapy feeling guilty if i dont do things for other people.

Pray for wisdom from the Lord. It is so confusing as to what to do. One one hand you don't want to enable this sort of behavior and on the other you don't want to lose your GC. The world is full of godless and selfish people. What are we to do? and how do we deal with them on a day to day basis? I have some of the same questions and I fear because I do not yet have GC.

The one thing we can not do is change other people. We can only ask God to help us to react to them the way He would have us to do it. It takes a lot of prayer. I struggle with this, too. Please remember (reminding myself) that guilt is not from the Lord. It is a lie of the enemy. I struggle with feeling guilty, a lot. God is merciful and full of grace. God bless you as you seek Him in how to deal with difficult people like some DILs.

Thank you all for your kind words,and suggestions.We try to take one day at atime.I text my Dil last night to see my GS on friday and we will bring him home i also told her if she wants send pj with him and i will bathe,lotion him up for her.She agreed so at least its calm for now.Pray it stays that way lol.Again thank to all i feel ihave found some very good people on this site and i will keep posting as timegoes on.And will read what othersare going through and give my support as well.

When I look back, I can see signs that I didn't recognize that our ES was pulling away from us - just waiting for the right time. He had to find something to use as a reason although I still have no idea what that is. It seems to me that we can't do anything right. We have taken care of our grandchildren before and after school and during the summer for at least 5 years and always got criticism. We also kept our mouths shut hoping not to give him a reason to alienate ourselves. Yet, he still found something. Now his GF and her large family are his family and we don't exist. To me it seems that if they are going to estrange, they will find a reason. We have absolutely no communication and he has told us to take him out of our will because we will never see him or our grandchildren. Our hurt is beyond words and I have no idea what is happening. All I know is prayer and grace of God. Too bad ES didn't keep those things close to himself. But if a GF or BF gives them an ultimatum, it seems like we are always the ones who lose. Just enjoy what you have and give it your best. Prayers are with you.