CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I have been SO depressed the last 2 days, it's almost unbearable. I am on medication, have support from a couple of friends, & I pray several times a day for help to ease the pain. I know part of it is SAD, but the holidays depress me. I used to look forward to putting up my tree, decorating, cooking dinner, etc..I haven't put a tree up in 4 years, don't decorate at all, & don't even want to cook anymore. My family is so fractured. I have no idea where ES is, my youngest is struggling, & my other sons are doing ok, but one of them is being controlled by his GF. I am so tired of being sad all the time, is it worth it? I often wonder if this is all there is to life. I know...I'm throwing my own pity-party, but dang, I wish I could be truly happy for once in my life.
We have to keep our focus on the Lord… He is our ever present friend through all of this. My best friend said it this way...We are experiencing the nastiness of people--the utter depravity of people… the sinful world. We're alone with God through this. They lied about Jesus, they beat Him… we are getting just a little taste of what that is like. Yet, even though we nailed him to that cross, He loves us. Despite all our children do to us, we love them… That is why we hurt so much. But we must bless them with our prayers, bless all those around us who curse us with our prayers. When I get alone with God and pray and speak those blessings over my daughter and those who enable her, I feel God's presence, His love so strong...
I encourage you to Do a little something healthy each day… even if it's a simple, slow 10 minute walk. Some days all I can do is take a shower and put on some make up… and then I put my pajamas on. But I feel better about myself for a bit.
Maybe find an online Bible study to sink yourself in? For me right now I'm taking up crafts-- learning to knit, crochet, sew… and I'm actually making gifts for my daughter. I can't give them to her, but one day when she returns she will have them or if the Lord takes me home before she is restored to Him, then she will know her mommy never gave up on her.
Our Hope must be in the Lord. We are not fighting our children, we are in spiritual battle fighting real live demons. We must remain in prayer, and never be afraid to ask for extra prayer. There are times when we need our arms held up. If we look around us, our circumstances seem hopeless, but He sees what we do not see and He knows what it will take to get our children's attention. Ultimately, the most important thing is that our children be restored to the Lord. Then they will desire to reconcile with us.
I was crying that I feel like she has built up an army against me with her cruel lies, and I don't even understand the point of it all and it felt so hopeless. Then my husband reminded me of David and how when he went to fight the giant, it only took one stone. God can handle this and He is, but He's doing it in His timing, not ours.
This may sound weird, but I wrote a simple letter to keep with my Will , just in case I don't get to see her restored and reconcile with her. I simply wrote, I love you my dear daughter, and I forgive you. Please don't hold onto regrets or sadness, but let your light shine and live for Jesus. Your Mommy Just writing it was such a release for me. I do forgive her--oh, I'm angry, too... and I can't wait to see her again, but I'm trusting the Lord and His timing. Meanwhile, He has given me a husband and I want to care for the home he has given me…and if I see her come home, we will enjoy a feast!
Remember the prodigal.
Don't beat yourself up for having a pity party. There is a time to be sad, a time to mourn. Keep in mind that the Lord has promised to turn our wailing into dancing. Don't be afraid to live. Satan wants us depressed so we don't even have the energy to pray for our children. He's not going to have our children. We have a choice--we can please Satan and live in depression and hopelessness, or we can serve God and love who we do have in our midst. Happiness really is a choice. The joy of the Lord is ours already. I'm reminding myself of this, too.
God Bless you and Hugs and prayers!
Now with DH gone, not sure what path my ES will continue - to spend time with me or not. All I do is cry and ask God to show me what he has planned for the rest of my time here on earth and to take good care of DH in heaven.
These upcoming holidays will be tough for many of us. We need to hold on to the memories of better times and trust God to show us, move us, to yet more better times.
Hugs to you all. Norske
My heart breaks for you… I don't have the words--I don't know what to say as I can't imagine what you're going through right now… I'm so sorry. I really am.
XO
Next week, will be 3 years since our ED left home. Every day I am saddened by it especially realizing what the enemy has done. I think of how our ED was ministering and I see how clearly it was the enemy. I did not think I could go on without her and life has changed. There are days I ,and I am sure you all ,have to fight for joy even with all the blessings we still have.
The Lord brought me through one day at a time. He still must because I can not do it without His strength. This place became a blessing to me, and having to go to work got me up. As someone here said most of us do not know anyone not going through some serious problems in different ways. Things can always be worse and life is not problem free as the Bible tells us. I sometimes wonder why I get so surprised at problems even estrangement. The Bible said there would be tribulation in this world but that He has overcome the world.
He is our hope our only hope. God bless us as we live in this difficult world. He is faithful.
You are not alone in how you feel. I feel that way too sometimes. The longer the estrangement, the less frequent the bouts of sadness. I'm not sure what to think about that. I pray for my daughters, but, for whatever reason, I am not getting an answer-actually not the answer I want, but that's ok. I have to keep believing that God has a plan for me and for my kids, no matter the outcome, I have to keep the faith. I am dealing with a lot besides the estrangement too. I have lost so much in 3 years. My dad's side of the family has only been in my life since 2006. I found my dad after getting sober in Sept. 2006. He just passed away Oct. 16th (my oldest daughter's 28th birthday). He had alzheimers and was very sick. I hadn't seen him since Nov. 2011 since he lived on the east coast and I am in Texas. I lost my cousin to cancer in July 2011, my aunt to cancer in Feb. 2013 and my other cousin has had cancer, but is ok for now and my uncle has lymphoma and still doing chemo treatments-he's taking it ok for now. I have had to deal with my DH's family basically disowning him since April 2012. My DH has always been the "blacksheep" of his family and apparently instead of supporting us as part of the family, we were always treated as outsiders and when my husband spoke up, we were told by his step-dad "You have burned your last bridge with me" and have had no contact or inclusion in any family activities. They are supposedly "wonderful Christian people". HA!!!! So you see, you aren't alone and thank goodness I found this site. I'm actually depressed today, not sure why. It may be due to the holiday season getting closer and also grieving for the father I should of had all these years. I also was raised by a very sick, manipulating mother (who is part of the reason my kids are estranged). She was a liar and told so many lies that she believed them herself. "How could such a nice old lady lie about her own family". That's why everyone believed her. She was a very unhappy, vindictive person and hated everyone-including her own grandchildren, but she could manipulate anyone!!! Glad you are here to vent, as we all are. God grant our prayers and give us all some peace and healing!!! AMEN.