I'm so sorry , i know the words cut you like a knife.

Barb, my son (and DIL) also said I was despicable. A horrible, despicable human being, if you want the whole truth. He (and she) said we were terrible grandparents, and were cruel and heartless. Those words did indeed cut like a knife. That was several months ago. A long time went by with no response at all from him, and then suddenly on Memorial Day Saturday, he showed up like a ghost at my house. He acted like nothing ever happened! Not one word of what he had said to us, or anything. So I came to the conclusion he has some mental problems that we were obviously not aware of when he was growing up, or he has been brainwashed by DIL. I just loved on him anyway. And then he left, and I have not heard one word since. My point in all this is....never give up hope. Your son may be struggling with some sort of mental problems as well, or is being influenced. I have accepted the situation for what it is. I thanked God that I got to see him at all. God only knows when the next time will be. No telling what other horrible things he will say to us in the meantime, only to turn up at some time in the future acting like all is normal. I truly think our EC are mentally ill, or under the influence of the Enemy. Hugs to you, friend.

Barby: You wrote: "there is no way under God's green earth I can ever resume a relationship with him even if he wanted it. How could I ever relate to anyone who thinks I'm despicable? I can't even imagine doing that. I would always know what he really thinks of me."

This reminded me of hearing Corrie Ten Boom speak in my City many many years ago. She was a holocaust survivor and wrote the book 'the Hiding place' ... she told the story of her father who was trying to explain God's grace to her. He said, when you take a trip on the train, you don't need the ticket until you hand it to the conductor ... He said, it is the same with God's grace ... He gives you only how much you need and in the moment you need it, not before....

I think you will have the grace you need to deal with your EC in the moment you need it, but not before ....
In a way, what you should do is very clear.... Your EC has closed the door for right now ... sounds like God will be working on his very hard heart ... In the meantime, as you pray for your EC ... your get a respite, while He does the hard work. It's between your EC and God now ... let God take all the time He needs....

I am very sorry you had to go through that heartache again. Our EC are not following God and His ways. We can not change them. Only God can. We must put them in His hands and pray for them. There is peace in knowing that to give the estrangement to God is the most we can do for them and for ourselves.

I'm so thankful for all of you. You're the only people I know who "get it". You're the only ones I can share my broken heart with. Thank you for your understanding, support, and encouragement. I know God's helping me as I struggle to keep my head above water. I know He's also trying to help my son. Thanks for being there.

I come in agreement with the posts here. Keep praying even more for your EC. God IS hope. With him there is always hope. "Faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is Love."

Happy 43rd Anniversary.

"There is no more hope of reconciliation. Now I wonder if I should get out a photo of him, hold a "funeral" over it, and bury it. Then maybe I will stop wishing and hoping. Maybe then there will be closure. Do you think that will make my hopes Rest In Peace?"

Maybe God is giving you grace, but he has also given you a heart, an intellect, and the ability to take care of yourself.

When you say "There is no more hope of reconciliation," that is your heart talking. I think it is telling you something you need to hear. Maybe your son will never reconcile, maybe he will. Maybe it will happen tomorrow! and maybe it won't ever happen. We just don't know.

And, when you ask about closure, that is your head talking. Your head realizes that it's hard to go on with a meaningful life if we just stop dead in our tracks, waiting for "something" to "happen," especially when we just don't know IF that "something" is ever going to happen.

Not sure what I think about God (which is part of the reason I read this forum and only occasionally post). I have a lot to learn. But I do know that while you are waiting for God to guide you, there is a lot you can do on your own. I'm a great believer in God helps those who help themselves, and that sometimes he may need a little nudge here and there ;-)

If holding a funeral gives you closure, then I say go for it! If getting angry and screaming and throwing things gives you closure, then do it! If having one last, final, good, long cry gives you closure, then do that!!! Because once this issue is "closed," you won't be so stuck, waiting for something to happen. You will be able to go on with your life regardless of whether "something happens" or not. You will be resilient and confident in your own capacity to control your own life. Because that is really the only thing we can hope for, accepting what life deals out to us, changing what we can, letting the rest be.

Barbyzhere, I've received those same emails. Emails filled with foul language, hateful words. It's so hard to get our heads around the fact that these are coming from our own flesh and blood. But, they are, and we have to accept it. I like your idea of having a funeral for his photos. Maybe I should do the same.. but haven't been able to fully give up hope yet.

What a bizarre world we live in!