poodlegirl, good question. As to your situation, I would say no, don't contact him. My son told me the same thing & said worse to me. I don't really want to have him in my life while he feels & acts the way he does. Anything we do would go unrecognized. I am tired of being told what a horrible mother I was, being lied to, threatened, stolen from, etc...If you contact your son, you will just be bringing more heartache & disappointment on yourself. Please don't do that to yourself, esp. right before Christmas.

Hi poodle girl. It's interesting that you should pose this question as my DH and I have just made a decision to stop initiating contact with our ED. We are finally letting her go. I, too, have been trying to keep in contact with my EC even when she has given us every indication she does not want to see us.
She does not like it when we phone her, so we usually email or text. Before Christmas, I emailed her to ask if she'd like me to take her shopping for a new outfit, something she has 'allowed' me to do in the past, even though it's been awkward. This time she didn't even respond. Days later, when I asked her if she got my email, she said she got it, but didn't respond because she doesn't need a new outfit. Ouch. Then I asked her when we can get together with her over Christmas. She said she would let us know if and when she wanted to see us. This was the last straw for me. My DH has been trying to encourage me to back away, let her go until she is ready to have a relationship with us again. This has been going on for the past 15 years, off and on (mostly on). I understand your pain and the constant, constant yearning to hear from your EC and to be with him. Our decision to stop initiating contact has felt like a death, and I have been grieving, however I feel its the right thing to do. I am giving her all the space she so clearly desires from us, and at the same time, I am guarding my heart from any further trampling. If and when she decides to make contact, I will receive her warmly, no questions asked. In the meantime, the Lord has been giving me peace about this decision as I daily go to Him for the strength to keep up my hope while I let this dear one go. I don't know if this answers your question, but I hope it helps. My heart goes out to you. Hugs.
Nicky

Dear poodlegirl61, I think you should do whatever would make YOU feel better. If you are only doing it because you feel you should, or think it could lead to more contact, then probably don't do it. But if it is something that you feel you need to do for yourself, if you genuinely WANT to do it, no matter the response or lack thereof, then do it. NickyChips, I was very moved by your letter, as well. I am in the process of realizing that I have already begun to detach from my ES and DIL. The last time I had contact with my DIL I was very happy about it, and very hopeful that it meant things were going to change between myself and her. Instead, when I saw her, she said something hurtful that wounded me. This time, my ES and DIL shocked me by accepting an invitation to go to my church's Christmas morning service, and they invited myself and my other son to breakfast at their house. At first, I was happy about this outcome, although I guarded my heart by not believing it means anything has changed for the better for my overall relationship with my DIL. But I spoke to my ES on Friday, and afterwards, my mind has been in a muddle, because in my heart of hearts, I feel like they are offering too little, too late. Neither one of them has ever offered to understand MY pain. So, I think each of us is in a different point in our journey. And I think it's a very personal decision how much to initiate contact, or whether to do it at all. I think try to be true to your deepest self, whatever that means to you. Because our EC have already demonstrated that they do not consider honoring their parents to be something important to them. BUT, each mother, when you have a mother's heart, it is part of your DNA to not give up on your children, who mean so much to you. So, I think let your heart and your instincts be your guide. There is no one right way to go through this. Hugs and prayers to you.

I sent my son a card and text with no response so I am wondering if I should also let go. It is painful when you get no acknowledgment of your efforts.

Thank you for your responses. I think I will just stay quiet. I mean, he knows I love him and I have already wished him Merry Christmas by sending the gifts. The ball is truly in his court. And I know if I sent the text, and got silence, it would hurt me even more, and my heart needs some protection.

Our goal is seeking healing and strength through God and help from one another. We can't make any one do anything and only have control over our own actions. Our estrangement began abruptly in May. We are blocked from any contact with him. So, no, I can't go through all the hope and prayers and wishes, and anticipation of wanting to hear from him if I sent him a message or a card. this whole thing is cruel punishment to us but who knows for what? For me, the decision has to reflect my feelings and not wait for him to control the situation. As much as I want to find a way to correspond, I'm just not doing it.

This is an excellent question and truly the answer is different for each one. I know our ED's address as she lives near us. I have not heard from her in a few months. The last two texts I sent went unanswered. I sent her a small item for Christmas. I am not expecting a response but I did it for me. That will be it. I will not text or call

Poodle, It seems that you have done enough. We can not make them respond. There is a time that we must have peace and just pray. God bless you as you rest in Him.

I love reading all these responses. We sent a Christmas card to ES, no response, everyone in our home signed it instead of just me. We also just sent a birthday card to our DIL. No response. I think as Christians we all want to do the "right" thing which would be to extend gratitude and love to our EC, but on the other hand you can only get slapped down so many times. Sometimes it is just time to move on and not try to contact. We have not tried to text or anything since thanksgiving. Did not want to feel like we were stalking them. Pretty sure our cards that were recently sent will be torn to shreds. I think as parents it hurts either way whether we try or not try. The hardest part is to loose sleep, pray all night about the situation and let God take care of this. Putting our "faith and belief" that God would allow this prodigal child to come home.

The bible says "be anxious for nothing, but through prayer and supplication let your requests be known to God." Pray to God and then wait on him.

Just prayed for each one of one of you listed in this discussion --I know you're pain I have 3 ED whom I have sent Christmas and Birthday cards and gifts millions of texts telling them how much I love them over the past 5 years and I never get a response back. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Maybe I should just stop with the communication as all I am doing is setting myself up for another fall--hoping that maybe just maybe I would get a response. Please keep me in your prayers as I think I really need to just totally Let Go and Let God...I just wish I didn't love them so much.
Thanks and God Bless all of you

Nancy, I am sorry that you have experienced this pain. Rejection is so difficult to accept. Our EC are surely letting us know who they are. Sometimes they have to reach bottom before they will repent and turn to God. Only He can change people. We can not. I love our ED but not what she has done for the past 3 years.

We support one another,here, and we care, and we understand. We pray one for another.

yes , it really is quite painful when you long for any acknowledgment but get none. It is a grieving process. Perhaps we need to put it down, hand it to the Lord and move forward but it is so hard to do.

Letting go is the hardest thing to do, but the alternative is worse. I'm taking my sore and battered heart and giving it a much deserved rest by limiting my communications to people who actually respond...with kindness or at the very least, respect. I agree with Nancy. It would be so much easier if we didn't love them so much. Sigh. Praying for strength for all of us who are trying to 'let go and let God' that we will keep our hands away from texting, emailing, phoning, Facebook posting, tweeting, etc these EC.

Thank you everyone for your support. I had one weak moment and I must confess, I did text "Merry Christmas..I love you"..... not because I really expected an answer, but I think I did it for me. It was the final "piece" to my "peace". Anyway, I actually had a fabulous Christmas! My other three kids decided it would be fun to come home and sleep in their old bedrooms and have a giant slumber party! And so we did just that. We all went to church, then came home and put on matching pjs, put the two babies to bed, and stayed up and played spades until 1am! My oldest son said it was the best Christmas he can ever remember. I could not have done it without lots of prayer. Thank you for that!