I'm so sorry broken, I know it's such a roller coaster ride. My ED went into and out of my life several times until 6 years ago. Sometimes when I would locate her and my sil after several months of estrangement, I would reach out, and they would respond only to tell me of their financial woes, and asked if I can help them? After a few times of that, I realized they were only responding so I would give them money. I used to say the same thing that you're asking yourself now. Why did I continue to seek them out? I have to say, as much as I miss them, I have more peace now that I've let them go.

Yes, it is heartbreaking to watch them be so foolish ... but it is really out of your hands.
Remember, we mom's are not in the business of changing hearts, only God can do that. We also weren't made to do the 'heavy lifting' ... only God can do that.

We must do our battle in prayer, fervently and often, but once we have done that, we MUST leave it in His hands. I have often thought of what it will take in life's consequences for my own ED to turn around ... only God knows. In my case, I don't have to see it as she is in another state and is silent and I am not on Facebook ...

My heart goes out to you ... I know it is hard to watch. But, I believe that God has us each where we need to be ... perhaps knowing what's up helps you know how to pray more specifically ... perhaps the Lord will bring about something He will need you to 'do' ... but until that happens, I'd just encourage to keep giving it all to the Lord and let Him deal with your EC.

Have you seen the movie 'The War Room' I think it's called .... You should go rent it or buy it. I know you can get it on Amazon streeming ... it will really encourage anyone who is dealing with circumstances beyond their control. Go rent it ... it will bless you .... and encourage you.... Hang in there and God bless...

Sometimes it pays not to ask,but i understand you just have to ask and then you wish you didnt,its just a constant heartache.

So sorry, broken. To me that is the most painful part of estrangement - standing helpless while our EC continue to make devastatingly poor choices. We cannot absorb the pain for them- they will have to "take the field trip to learn the lesson." Sounds like my and your EC are both young, so I believe there is a good chance that maturity will take care of some of the nonsense in time. But the bottom line of course is to pray for their hearts to turn completely to the One who can fill all their needs.
Hugs

Please remember that your ES needs to be accountable for his choices. It is not your fault. We must give them to God in prayer.

The movie War Room is a must see. Our battle must be in prayer. God is able.

Do you live close to him...can you give him a ride........

Yes, Lindajoan, War Room is definitely a must see. And my small group just completed a Bible study called War Room, with Priscillia Shirer, and there are movie clips and everything. It was so, so good. Prayer is definitely our weapon against Satan.

Amen!

I cannot wait to see War Room. I've heard such wonderful things about it.

It is so difficult to watch our children make such foolish choices, but we cannot be responsible for their choices and I cannot help but think, if we rescue them time after time that perhaps we stand in the way of them turning to God for help... Our job is to love and pray.

Thank you everyone so much!! This is a wonderful place to feel safe and speak of the crazy things going on in my life without worry.
I will rent War Room for sure, it sounds like a great movie and I am sure I will be inspired. I understand that it is in Gods hands and that I can't change his heart, but sometimes I worry that if I don't ask or offer he will think that I don't care about him. Does that make since? I don't want to rescue or take away his consequences, but I do want him to know that I love him.
Second Question: God has been putting it on my heart for weeks now to show the girlfriend and her mother GRACE! This has been a tough thing as do not want to even be nice let alone grace. But I know that God gives me grace I do not deserve, so I have been trying to accept what God wants me to do. Given the information that I was told about the Mom and no car insurance or headlights for her car, I am feeling moved to help the situation. Any thoughts ??

broken, a few things to keep in mind... I would be very straightforward with your son- tell him exactly what you just said- that you love him, and that you will be glad to give him a ride to court-ordered obligations, but you will not nag him about it. Make the offer, and let it go. My daughter recently accused me of loving her conditionally, and I tried to explain to her that I support her conditionally, but my love is always unconditional. Immaturity clouds that vision and understanding when they don't get what they want.

Secondly, I don't know what you're referring to specifically when you say you would like to help the girlfriend's Mom, but I would definitely not go there. She is not his wife- just a girlfriend. And even if she were his wife, that is not your immediate family. I'm afraid that if you help any of them financially, it will never end. And I believe it will appear that you're endorsing this relationship for the long term, and make you more involved than ever. As hard as it is, I believe you should step back and let them deal with their choices. We cannot rescue them time and time again- for our own health and well being and for their long term best interest.

Hang in there. Holidays are the hardest.
Hugs.

By the way, you can get a headlight at Walmart for about $8 and watch a youtube video on how to install it. My husband and son do it all the time. If they want to take care of themselves, they will find a way.
Try to not to let their poor choices consume you with worry. I have done that, and it doesn't do anything but give you gray hair and premature wrinkles!! Both can be fixed, but try not to go there!

I agree with givingup ....
I'd leave it alone and step back concerning the girlfriend's Mom.
HUGS

I must say I agree with givingup. This does not seem like a good relationship for your son.