CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I am auditing this site but not participating in the conversations. With God's grace, I have come to acceptance. When I wrote the following letter, I didn't send it to my ES. After prayer over 4 months, I did. The reply that I received was an understanding of the end of the relationship. This wasn't easy, far from it. But at some point you have to move on trusting in God. DH (----) and I may never again see our ES. He is our only child. He is 46 and my DH is his father. We have been married 48 years. Every day I ask God to watch over our ES and his family. My Grandsons are 13 and 8.
I pray that all who are suffering find grace and relief from sorrow. Love and blessings to all.
Letter to my estranged son,
Friday, August 1, 2014
It’s been a year since the blow-up at the cottage that led to our estrangement. Your father and I continue in relatively good health, just getting older and maybe a bit wiser. Over the year, I’ve learned a lot about your father and me. Even if you are not interested, I am going to list my learnings.
There is comfort that comes from sharing with others who are also estranged from their adult children. --- and I are not alone.
I forgive --- and myself. We made mistakes but we did the best we could.
Not all relationships last, some die, some divorce and some choose to leave for their own reasons.
I will not allow my child or husband to have so much power over me, that without them I feel my life has no value.
I have help. Estrangement is painful and not something I could go through alone.
We let you go in love. We do it for ourselves and for you. We gave you life and let you have your life to live in your own way, even if that means we are not included.
Even in the best scenario and intact families, there is life after raising children.
We give ourselves time, in so many ways it is like a death and we need to grieve our loss.
We accept it. Not everyone is going to like ---- and me, let alone love us and some of those who don’t like/love us just may be our own child.
We will surround ourselves with love and life. One can never have enough people who love you and support you in life.
---- and I are establishing a renewed intimacy, which is the warmth of friendship and connectedness and a renewed commitment to work on our relationship.
I have faith and take my hurts and troubles and hand them over to God.
I believe that your father and I are actually developing the Buddhist jihi,which you know represents the kind of love that requires nothing from the person toward whom it is felt, the joy that we experience from feeling it has nothing to do with any response we receive from you in return. When you ceased to speak to us, we didn’t stop caring about what happened to you—in effect, or stopped loving you. This love we bear you represents the closest thing to jihi we can feel.
I realize that our estranged situation may continue. Our lifestyle, at 67 and 72, will not last forever. At some point living ceases. We have made arrangements for our cremains. This fall, we will have made all other arrangements such as wills and disbursement of material things, in order that you will not have to deal with it.
I pray that all who are suffering find grace and relief from sorrow. Love and blessings to all.
Letter to my estranged son,
Friday, August 1, 2014
It’s been a year since the blow-up at the cottage that led to our estrangement. Your father and I continue in relatively good health, just getting older and maybe a bit wiser. Over the year, I’ve learned a lot about your father and me. Even if you are not interested, I am going to list my learnings.
There is comfort that comes from sharing with others who are also estranged from their adult children. --- and I are not alone.
I forgive --- and myself. We made mistakes but we did the best we could.
Not all relationships last, some die, some divorce and some choose to leave for their own reasons.
I will not allow my child or husband to have so much power over me, that without them I feel my life has no value.
I have help. Estrangement is painful and not something I could go through alone.
We let you go in love. We do it for ourselves and for you. We gave you life and let you have your life to live in your own way, even if that means we are not included.
Even in the best scenario and intact families, there is life after raising children.
We give ourselves time, in so many ways it is like a death and we need to grieve our loss.
We accept it. Not everyone is going to like ---- and me, let alone love us and some of those who don’t like/love us just may be our own child.
We will surround ourselves with love and life. One can never have enough people who love you and support you in life.
---- and I are establishing a renewed intimacy, which is the warmth of friendship and connectedness and a renewed commitment to work on our relationship.
I have faith and take my hurts and troubles and hand them over to God.
I believe that your father and I are actually developing the Buddhist jihi,which you know represents the kind of love that requires nothing from the person toward whom it is felt, the joy that we experience from feeling it has nothing to do with any response we receive from you in return. When you ceased to speak to us, we didn’t stop caring about what happened to you—in effect, or stopped loving you. This love we bear you represents the closest thing to jihi we can feel.
I realize that our estranged situation may continue. Our lifestyle, at 67 and 72, will not last forever. At some point living ceases. We have made arrangements for our cremains. This fall, we will have made all other arrangements such as wills and disbursement of material things, in order that you will not have to deal with it.
You are missed. Please come here as you are led. God bless you and your DH with the Shalom of the Lord. He will never leave you or forsake you.