edr, It is hurtful when people who should show love and concern do not. Sadly, this is not something we can change. The longer I live I realize over and over again we can only answer for our own actions. Whether we are angry or hurt we are to forgive. That to me does not mean forget or feel as close to these people. Jesus knows we are human. Pray. God will show you how to react. I know it is easier said than done. Let Jesus do it.

I am so sorry that these people are so self centered these days....it amazes me and I struggle trying to figure it out too. I have been in the same position as your husband and felt abandoned after several surgeries....they think a person is a complainer and just 'invents' their surgery because they want attention. So sickening. I had fell at our son's home one Christmas and just shattered my shoulder bad, My husband sat in a dark waiting room 4 hrs by himself (it was a holiday and the surgeon being booked up came in as a favor). It was in the same city our son lived in.....nobody cared how I was. He and his sister got in a huge fight and he kicked us all out even me with the broken shoulder....we had did nothing wrong. I forgive him but will never trust him again and have walked away....he is mean.

I turned it around for good and vowed no matter what I would reach out to others struggling. My sister-in-law hurt her elbow and had to have surgery and I knew my brother was going to be sitting in the waiting room by himself. We drove over to sit with him and give hugs to both of them to show love.

One day later on my brother did the same for a man he knew well....he told me, "I knew he would be sitting alone waiting for his wife to get done with surgery so we went to sit with him". I just smiled because I figured he realized how important it was.

So just turn satan's tactics around for good send cards to people who are sick or go sit at the hospital with someone. So very glad your husband is doing well....such a miracle how they fix us up. My shoulder is wires and screws too but works great !

Bella - your post is so inspirational. Thank you for sharing your experiences. You are doing what Jesus would have done.

It is so hard to be angry with family who seem not to care. When my husband was diagnosed with diabetes and not feeling the best, we met with es and girlfriend to talk about their wedding and what they wanted from us. At one point DH looked like he was going to collapse and I said to my es that his dad was just diagnosed with diabetes and his response was "let's get back to our wedding plans". No compassion at all.

Now his father is gone and my DIL said my son is and will deal with the 7 years he missed with his dad because of his self-centeredness.

We can't change others; only ourselves. If I lived near you, I would definitely visit, maybe bring you some muffins and hope you would put the coffee on.

Great post Bella ~ I hope it has encouraged you edr to know you're NOT the only one with insensitive people in your life. Your hurt and anger are justified.
The more we do what Bella has said, focusing on helping others, the less we'll be thinking about ourselves and our pain. It's a source of real joy to know we've helped someone else.

Bella, I totally agree with what you said and I in fact am trying to do the same thing. The horrible treatment I have received from my ES and his wife have made me extra conscious of other's sufferings. My MIL had to have surgery a couple of weeks ago and so she moved in with us for a week to recover. Before my estrangement, I know I could be very impatient with her. I was never mean nor cruel, but just snippety sometimes. Well after what I have been through I vowed I would treat that poor old woman like a queen. I treated her with dignity and respect, which is how I wish I could be treated. It has really opened my eyes.

thank you everyone to make me feel like i have areason to feel this way.And you know all of them seem to think dh should be alright now,my sister thinks we should travel 1hr to her house and see my other 2 gc at least thats the way i take her actions,instead of my oldest distant son bring all of them here to see us.He hasnt even called to ask how dh is.Oh boy i can go on on and write a book lol! its very sad and lonely but nothing we can do.I tell my dh i forgive everyone for what they have done to us but i cant forget,and sometimes i think maybe we have deserved this treatment because we stand our ground i just dont know,and i have prayed to God to forgive me for things i have done if i did something.My dh and I are very private people we dont go and sit at other peoples houses and when we do go, we dont stay long just a couple hrs and we are gone. We dont feel at ease,or welcomed at our own children home.My life is a very complicated with my family.But i try to do the best i can,my dh was here for me when i was sick he took care of me totally,and i will be here for him and take care of him.We trynot to ask for nothing from anyonenot even our children we dont even know who they are now i feel we are not thought of out of love or concern and refuse to be mentally,emotionally abused by them any longer and i told them that also.somedays you think things are moving along good,and then just forget it.My dh says "let it go". he is afraid they are going to make me lose my mind.Dh sees how it effects me i am on meds for depression,anxiety.I am so sorry for ranting andthank you for being here.Bless You All

It's really sad to know that we have these kind of people in our lives and especially that they are our children or grandchildren. We share the same things. My husband had a triple bypass and no one (family) except a few people from our church came to the hospital or to our home. I believe that Jesus is teaching us that even though others don't reach out to us in love and compassion, it is what we should do to others. Once we go through this type of hurt, we understand how it feels and don't want others to go through it. Forgiveness is the best medicine for this and also "paying it forward" with love and compassion for others. Prayers are being sent your way edr 1961......God bless...

Sometimes dh and i sit silent and not talk about it, but i tell him we have to talk about it. Cause we are not getting younger he is 59yrs,i am 54yrs old and both are disabled,when he was in hospital i stayed with him and helped him,our son took us and sat with me for awhile and left i told i would be alright but you wouldthink he would have stayed when dr. said to me dh would go to icu i was alone i felt empty.I am sorrywe all have to go through this prayers for all of youto.

Several years ago when two of our kids were still at home we had our retired inlaws staying with us on their vacation. Our (now) ES had a medical emergency and needed surgery. I asked my inlaws three times if they would come the hospital with us during the surgery. Three times they said "oh no, you don't need us there too". Obv to us they didn't want to go to the hospital. DH, other son and I waited the whole time through the surgery and recovery in the waiting room next to a very large family - I counted 25 + people in their family/friends. We didn't get home until 2 a.m. with our ES. MIL announced at 2 a.m. that they'd be leaving at 6 a.m. for home, unexpected and unplanned the day before. She is a nurse. They left at 6 a.m. and woke up ES to say goodbye! Other son came down with the flu from the waiting room and was sick at home a day later. I was alone (DH working) with two and no one to help. Until that day we had never had any family in town visiting when any of us were in the hospital - they all live 2,000 miles away. The one time they could have helped, they didn't, knowing we wanted them to stay. I may forgive it but I will never forget. A clear lesson on what not to do, for the future. I hope to never make that mistake.

Just knowing someone cares means alot when your having to go through illness,hospitalization. my dh has a saying "today us could be them tomarrow". But i just dont know if i can be so heartless. And if these people would just offer honestly i would say "no" but just offer. And if you say something now they will offer and then they offer cause you said something.But we made again ptl alone but we had God with us.

Just losing my Godly mother this puts so much in perspective. Once a person is gone there is nothing you can do for them any longer. Sad but true. Our ED lost 3 1/2 years chasing garbage when she could have been under her Godly Grandmother. I pity her now.

prayers for you and your family. and so true about you can not once there gonethey are gone ec do not understand and sometimesdont want to.They have to live with there choice. And i pity them also. Im sorry for your lost Lindajoan wish i could make your pain easier for you.Thoughts are with you!

Thank you dear friend.

The sick thing of when I fell and shattered the shoulder was our son took us to this terrible inner city hospital. They admitted me in the newer part of the hospital. It was a double room and our ES sat by the empty bed by the window looking outside with his back to us ! ! Can you believe it.....how rude and terrible. All I need do is look down at the 10 inch scar across my shoulder to remind me "I should have walked away from him sooner".

If your ec never call,visit,text, do we continue to keep trying and keep getting hurt and if we still try how often ? I know everyone situation is different just wondering,cause my heart breaks.