If you can come to an understanding with her children that you will respect one another, it could work. But if they are going to be nasty then there is no way you can be close to those who purposely hurt you. I wish you all the best and hope and pray it can all work out for all of you. I know you are enduring much and trying very hard. God bless you

16, 21 and 23 are young adults that could be a great asset to you and your DH. They may be feeling left out of your caring. They may be jealous of the relationship that you have with your GS, their sibling. Its hard to have a relationship with some young adults but not impossible. I hope today is a happy one for all the family. After all that has happened, you all deserve a happy blessed day. Blessings.

Edr, some situations we are just between a rock and a hard place....I agree it is so hard to be treated disrespectfully to the point of abuse and still want to have a relationship. I still struggle with that in regard to "what if" my EC come back and we still are treated disrespectfully? Especially when we here are all so traumatized already by our situations with EC. But I also agree that the disrespect of those young adults could be an indication of their insecurities in feeling unloved by their obviously dysfunctional mother... your DIL! They might respond well to you reaching out a bit more to them and the disrespect could possibly lesson or stop and then again maybe not. If they have no other Grandparents in their lives, it is possible that their bad behavior is in fact motivated by jealousy as Sallyannlass stated. But one thing I can't dispute is God's Word and it says "charity (love) never fails".... Maybe you could "test the waters" and just plan something low key to do with those young adults without your GC in an effort to get to know them a bit and see how they respond? Might be you could be blessed to find one or all of them that you could connect with and be blessed to have a relationship with. Reaching out in this way to them would also encourage your son to let his guard down a bit more with you also.

However, I would completely understand if you don't trust them enough to want to risk trying as well! We've all been so hurt, many of us, myself included don't have a lot of emotional reserves to risk anymore! If you are not emotionally up to risking getting hurt again, then I can completely respect your keeping your guard up and protecting yourselves from further trauma!

I think your son is asking you to have a relationship with his wife's children. It would make it more peaceful for him, I'm sure. These are not easy ages to form a bond with but respect and caring on both sides is possible. Not easy, but it may help you become closer to your son and gs. God bless you in this.

My dad was raised after his dad passed away by a step-dad that couldn't accept him. When my brother got married the 2nd time he gained 2 older children a teenager and one in college. My dad remembered what it felt like and told them they were seen the same way as my brother's biological daughter who was elementary age.

Wedding took place small ceremony,was nice.Very emotional for the both of them for what they have been through.But now they can start a fresh start.My Dh and i are there for them if they need us they know this but boy do they make you talk and say things that your not supposed to say or think.And i have had to pray forGod to forgive me.We do not mean any harm but this is my new saying"We have helped till it hurt ".We have decided to step back and just be there and have contact and dont interfere,dont ask any questions.We have always included dil children we wouldnt hurt there feelings,they all had hard life and thankful my son can give them some security.I believe inGod works in mysterious ways,this tragic event has made there lives better they have a new home that will be safe,my son will be able to slow down as far aswork,a weight has been lifted off his shoulders and ours we have always worried bout the safety of the home.

Praise God,edr

Not saying you are like this at all, but, here are my experiences with step-kids-step-grandkids. I had 2 kids when I married my husband & neither him OR his doting mother ever accepted them. They were 4 & 6 at the time. They are now 27 & 29, & still no acceptance. They both remember WELL how they were treated, & it has made them both a little bitter toward my husband & my MIL. If you cannot accept the children or treat them equally, then just don't be around them at all, it's better for everyone involved.

Me and my dh has always tried to treat all of them fairly,christmas,bday,we buy candy easter and halloween and put in holiday containers and put "To Family".We even took them to disneyworld.Dinner all was invited on holidays we feel we have went beyond what should be expected.But they have more than once said things that hurt our feelings,out of disrepect and we have let it roll off our back.One of them moved to florida never said goodbye,we have done more for the kids than there own granparents clothing even bought beds for them but i believe our gs was born a little jealousy is there we still provide things for them but we want to buy things for him also without guilt.we buy snacks for our gs to take home and buy things for them also.but when do you call a halt to it.They are working grown ups except for the 16 yr old she doesnt even go to school,one of them has 2 children.I hope someone can give me ideas.But we wood never hurt feelings on purpose.

Edr, my heart hurts for you, for I can truly see that you are a loving giving person and hear your frustration of being misunderstood and not knowing how much more you could do than you already have! That's a terribly frustrating place to be because you know your own heart best!! It is always the enemy that creates these situations for us....not flesh and blood....that does help me somewhat to let this soak in when these situations have come in my life!

Just rest assured that you are understood here and we know you are a dear, kind and loving person!

Thank you your kind words mean alot to me.God Bless You!