I'm going through Stephan's Ministry and just learned about the stages of grief. We've mentioned how estrangement is like going through the stages of grief and thought it would be helpful to know them. I thought I knew them, but I didn't. With estrangement being more a grieving of a hopefully temporary end of a relationship it was easy to see how you can get stuck in a stage and not being able to complete all of them. Also, you don't have to go through them in order.
Stage 1: Shock -Emotional Shock
- Disbelief or Denial - Some are there for minutes, some for days. If it goes for several weeks it's unhealthy grief and should seek help

Stage 2: Recoil - Beginning to experience reality of the loss. In this stage people undo the bonds that connected them to their loved ones and come to terms with the reality. The more attached the person was to the person now gone, the more difficult this stage will be. Most people reach a point of resignation, give up fighting the loss and experience deep sadness and lonliness.
-Express deep feelings - Become obsessed with thoughts of that person
- Panic - Can't think about anything else. Can cause some to worry about their mental health. It's normal to not be able to concentrate.
- Trying to make sense of the tragedy - They may blame themselves, others and God
- Guilt - For both rational and irrational reasons
- Anger
- Faith Crisis - Perception of God may change. Ask God why this happened
- Resignation - Withdraw emotionally
- Depression - Can last a long time
- Missing the loved one - May wake up expecting to see loved one and experience pain all over again
- Lonliness - Tend to isolate themselves

Physical symptoms of unexpressed grief - Headaches, backaches, upset stomachs or other ailments that have no physical cause.

As move through Recoil Stage some days and weeks are better while some days and weeks seem worse. Eventually the ratio of good to bad gets higher. Can begin new relationships. Can learn how to live without deceased. They find life can go on Average time lasts 18-24 months.

Stage 3:Rebuilding - Resuming a normal life. The final process is letting go of the grief. Many feel by grieving they're keeping the loved one alive. Letting go of the grief is like saying goodbye again. It hurts to get involved in normal life again. It takes courage.
- Building a new life - Reconnecting with old friends and finding new ones. It may mean finding new interests or volunteer activities. Some people say that grief has made them grow, have more compassion for others and trust Jesus more fully.
- Sadness will diminish - It will no longer hurt like a raw wound, but will remain as a bittersweet reminder of a life they once had.