CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
I'm new and someone suggested I post my story. My 20 yr. old daughter had just completed cosmetology school July 2rd, started her job on the 6th, quit 2 weeks later and took off. She left a very hurtful note blameing me for making her feel terrible. I had been having discussions with her about why she was being rude to her family and dropping friends. I admit the discussions didn't always go well, but I'd go back later and tell her I loved her. She doesn't seem to remember the good discussions, only the negative ones. She's only friends with bf and a girl and I believe now that they were encouraging the negative behavior. They know where she is, but won't tell me. I've contacted bf's family, but they won't return the call or treat me very rudely. People have suggested she's on drugs, but I know she's not. Her friends don't do drugs either. My daughter has sufferered from depression for a long time and I think she got worse. I think her friends encouraged her negative thoughts. My husband has been blaming me. He's always blamed me for everything, but has been hurtful to me emotionally our whole marriage. I went and saw a counselor today and am going to bring him next week. I picked a Christian counselor, but was disappointed when she didn't offer to pray with me. This site has been a God send as it's nice to see people encouraging each other.
As a mother it is so hard to lose a child like this and my husband doesn't want to talk about her and is filled with much anger over her situation. It is good that your husband is going to join you in therapy. My husband has blamed me too for our daughter's attraction to the types of guys she dates. I accept everyone and raised our daughter not to be prejudice but her choice of boyfriends has always upset him because she always dated unemployed, trashy guys. He thinks that I'm responsible for her choice of boyfriends. I, on the other hand, believe she is attracted to these guys because she has such low self esteem and they make her feel better about herself.
Anyway, I pray alot and have "left her where the Lord has flung her" for now and hope that someday we can be a family again.
Keep praying and know that our Lord will work everything out for good. Again, it's good that your husband is going to counseling with you, maybe all of this will have a positive effect on him and your marriage.
Thankful that you found us here. We do understand. My 21 year old ED left 9 months ago. It involves a boyfriend, also. You are not to blame. It is about the choices that they make. We need to keep them in our prayera and trust the Lord to help us through this difficult time. God bless you.
God Bless you, and I am very glad you are here.
6
in a few years, having been mistaken a thousand times,
I was not half so sure of most things as I was before;
at present, I am hardly sure of anything but what God
has revealed to me.
As far as your ED goes, 20 year olds normally make bizarre and irrational decisions based only on what their emotions are telling them at that particular time of the day. They tend not to look forward to the implications of the decisions nor do they take advice from anyone other than their peers and co-workers - because they are looking for approval and acceptance from the people they are now becoming most familiar with and interacting with more often than their family unit.
I went through it with my son too. I swore he would never grow up and become a responsible human being. LOL Yet, when I look at him 17 years later at the age of 37 I stand AMAZED at the change that has taken place. As a college dropout at the time he got married, he has gone back to school to get degrees, has a good paying respectable job, has 2+1 kids who absolutely adore him, dropped the drugs he was intermittently using, went back to church, and is a great husband.
My son came through those years as many do, however, not all do. Who will and who won't is something that only God himself knows. That is why it is ever so important for parents to keep their kids in prayer. What their kids need first is Christ. Christ needs to be first in their lives as well as ours. Us parents need to be the example of Christ also. I say this with a deep realization, for myself, that no matter how much Christ is in my life, I desperately need to get rid of more of the garbage to let him become even more in the center.
I look forward to hearing more from you too! :-)
Have a great day!
Hugs!