Hello Gisell. welcome to this group. I think there is something going on with DS because when I came here yesterday this post was not here...at least from what I could see. And now there is a very old post from 2001 at the very top.

The first time I dedicated my life to Christ, I was a teenager. When I got a boyfriend, I pretty much turned away from God and going to church. I later married that young man and for over thirty years, I believed in God and Jesus, but wanted no part of religion. Mostly because my then husband wasn't interested in going. I made the excuse that I didn't want to go alone with the kids like my own mother. When my own life was in chaos, I even questioned what the whole point of living was. My daughter asked if we could attend a church her friend went to in 2009 and that is when I rededicated my life. LOL, and there I was....going to church without a husband by my side. I have not had any struggles with believing in God since then because I have seen His work in my life.....even during the time I had turned my back.

I think the key, for me was, I read my Bible and pray almost every day. I try to learn all I can about God and what He wants, then I try to live it out. It's not easy to do, Paul wrote about the struggle in Romans Ch 7 "I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate." That's where Gods grace comes in.

Hi Misred! Thanks for telling me your story of how you came to a relationship with God. Was it an easy process for you? Was your relationship with God consistently growing on an upward linear slope? It seems most of my life has been this constant coming to God only to run away from Him (or you could also say a constant running away from God only to come back to Him). It's very frustrating because what I most want is just to have peace in Him and enjoy His presence. I want to wake up every morning without a heaviness in my heart because I know He is my friend and that means everything is going to be okay. It is my doubt that prevents this. And when it isn't my doubt keeping me from God it's temptation--there's always something in the way.

Also I love that verse by the apostle Paul (he kept it honest and real in his writings). I never took it in the context of my doubting but that's exactly it--I want to have a mature faith but yet I do the opposite, and doubt. This verse is a beautiful yet horrifying painting of the spiritual warfare that exists in each one of us.

Anyway thank you again for reaching out to me. I really appreciate it. Sometimes it feels like I have no brothers or sisters in Christ to help me through this.

When I rededicated my life, I would say it was a constant upward slope. You asked was it easy. For me the change I felt was night and day. So much that others noticed without me saying anything. I felt a constant urge to find out all I could about God.

I think you are on the right path. You are starting with the desire, which is the first step. Your path won't be identical to mine, so I suggest you don't focus too much on comparing yourself to others. I know where your heart is in this, so please don't read this as me getting on your case. (((HUGS))) Sanctification is a life-long process. Just tell God your heart is open to him and his will.

I do have two suggestions. Pay attention to what you listen to on the radio. Mainstream music can really be a downer. I suggest looking up KLOVE and see if you can find it in your city. There is also iHeart radio. I've found that one while driving through several towns on long trips. It's always positive and encouraging. Second, I suggest just talking to God as if he is sitting right next to you like a friend. For a long time I talked at God and prayed at him, but never really made the effort to wait for a response. I'm getting better though.

Wow, that change to occur from the inside out is what I desire. You are right--I have a tendency to compare spiritual lives; If I am not on the "average" route that Christians have found themselves when dedicating their lives to God, I feel I am on the wrong route.

I have grown up in a christian atmosphere--attended christian schools, christian churches, etc. So I am well aware of all the great Christian radio stations (I have been listening to Hillsong United's new album Wonder all day [it's fantastic! Take a listen]). Saturating myself in a Christ-like atmosphere helps a lot in continuing this good fight. Thank you for the advice.

I have made that realization today that I don't anticipate God's communication to me so I don't wait for it. Instead I'm constantly the one doing the talking. I will start to listen to Him and to know His voice.

Please pray for me (I will doing the same for you) and thank you for talking with me.

Please know I am so grateful for your prayers. I agree that Hillsong writes great music. A lot of their songs are used in services I attend. (((HUGS)))