I also have a 23 and 21 year old both boys. I have no suggestions other than to say it is very hard to watch your grown children make mistakes. I could tell my oldest he was making a mistake but he would not listen and it has cost him a lot money, job, place to live and an ex gf who took everything from him leaving him with nothing. It is heartbreaking to watch. I'm sorry you are not comfortable in your home any longer. Perhaps giving your daughter a deadline for moving out would be in order. I don't know just a suggestion. My thoughts are with you.

I think it is imperative that you let your children go. Now I don't mean give up on them, I mean stop enabling them. This is a very formative time of life, and if you don't move them on to the next stage of life, they will stay stuck in this state. Your daughter could become a dependent personality. I know, because that happened to my brother.

Also let them go to God. Pray and trust that God is going to change them. I also pray for my grown children that God will bring strong Christians into their lives who will witness to them, and God has. I also prayed for Christian spouses, and they all married Christians - even though not one of them met their spouse in a church.

I will pray God will give you the strength to set some boundaries, and you will be able to deal with your daughter. I will pray that both of them will return to the Lord.

Hello Carolina Girl, The Lord has seen your heart and your prayers will be answered. God got your back!! You know I am write down the road, and dont be affraid to take me on my offer. This is some serious rebellious that is going to take the power of God to get order in your house. Memorize this scripture, and say it out loud many times through out your house and where ever or when ever the Lord lays it on your heart.

2 Timomthy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Call me if you need me. :)

We can't control other people, only ourselves and our attitudes and actions. That is where your power lies, first in God, and second in what you decide to stop doing for your kids. If you take ownership of all their problems, they'll just blame you for them. They need to realize that they are now responsible for their lives, and need to search for good answers for themselves. (like we all do).

I don't have children, so this is just some things I've heard and learned about being co-dependent: I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. Detach.

I'll pray for you and your kids, that will probably help you the most. God bless! Judy

I agree with Angela--good advice. And I think you really know what you need to do--tough love! I'm learning to establish boundaries and take a stand when others expect too much. It's difficult at times, but well worth it.

the best thing my mother ever did for me was let me make my own mistakes.... i had a mouth on me, and i cursed her out one night. she sent me packing. i lived in my car for a while, stayed with friends etc and at age 19 i was living in a homeless shelter. i had so much rage and hate towards her. but now that i've grown up a bit (im 31)..... i THANK HER!!!! she forced me to stand on my own two feet. and to take responsibility for my actions. it's one of the best life lessons i ever learned.

Bump for OP

Hi
I am new here. My name is Lisa.

Carolinagirl, I am sorry your daughter is going through this. i too have adult children, 20 and 22 and i guess the way we learn is by making mistakes, it is sooooooo hard to watch one's children mess up. I have no advice am impressed with these responses. I will pray for you and your daughter that the holy spirit enters the household, and directly intervenes in healing your daughter and giving you guidance, and peace. You will both be in my prayers. having children for me is the hardest thing in the world because it is like having your heart walking around and u having no control. Lisa