Hello hello. I'm a 15 year old person that suffers from Aspergers Sydrome with extreme anxiety. 

To start off, I stay with my grandparents on the weekdays and go with my mother on weekends as she goes to work early. At my grandparents house, it's mostly peaceful and I'm treated the best way as possible. Therefore, at my mother's house, it's uncivil and a bumpy experience.

My mother can be energetic and civil at a point, then her mood would dynamically change to anger. It's very comparable to playground bullying or barbaric fits. She would call me names, swear at me, shout suicidal thoughts, scream, threaten to take me to my dad's house (he neglected me so I don't see him anymore), threaten to take me to a psych ward, or take away my electronics for an unplausible reason. Her extreme bursts of anger genuinely makes me develop amok boundaries with a parent. I'm afraid to be near her. Actually a lot of people are afraid to be near her- a lot of my extended family members are uncomfortable to speak with her. She even lashes out on her own PARENTS and SISTER. I get physically attacked sometimes for no reason.

Both of my grandparents, my aunt (her sister), and I receive these wild outburts of anger from her. I get called harsh names such as; motherfucker, stupid bitch, asshole, and even the r slur. My blood boils with anxiety once I hear her starting to curse or raise her voice. I have a habit of hiding in the bathroom with my phone, deleting all my apps that could expose my vents, google accounts, photos, and online friendships. Now I do not have inappropriate photos on my phone if anyone's curious, but I save pictures of memes, my favourite things, etc, and it triggers my mom as if someone was harassing her.

This leads into how she shelters me from embracing my interests. I love to 3d model, draw on my laptop, collect vinyls, talk with friends, and help people who suffer from cancer. I certainly work for a cancer society, and she holds me back from attending events. My aunt usually has to take my place! Otherwise, she is ought to get me like prey if I become interested in something. When I got into the video game called Roblox; a platform with multi-level-attractions, she deeply interrogated me on who introduced me to the game, when was I introduced to it, why did I chose to play it, etc. Then when she took a look at the game, she immediately took the shots to 'playground bully' me. I'm also into the band; The Beatles. She did the same thing with me, and made fun of me for liking them. I receive gifts circled around The Beatles for Christmas, my birthday, etc, and she would physically respond with an eye roll or a nasty look. I don't get why a parent is blocking the path for their child to embrace themselves. I also cannot wear clothes that I enjoy! I love the 1960s mod style, and my mom calls it 'trashy' or 'hippy'. She harasses me for my taste in clothing. Pretty much I am sheltered from embracing myself. I despise how she dictates on what I should wear, and most of the stuff she likes makes me self-concious: makeup, dresses, skirts, revealing outfits, etc. 

I'm really depressed. I get nervous when she calls me. I get nervous when she makes me do chores. She never is pleased when I offer to help or perform tasks that I'm requested to do. I get called ableist terms because I'm not doing it 'her way', and it's difficult. I'm still doing what I'm expected correctly, but it's never 'her way'. She's a self obsessed victim who always points me as the bad one when I'm TRYING my best to help her. A lot of anger builds up in me because of her outrageous behavior as a parent. I can admit that I lash out on my grandparents at times, but I really don't mean it. It's so hard to play it cool as a person with aspergers in an environment of a bipolar parent. She refuses to get necessary medical help with with my inner conditions, and is more obssesed with outter conditions: pimples, crooked teeth, wrinkles, etc. I do not know why, but she claims that getting help for mental issues is "embarrassing". How is it embarrassing when billions of people have done it? 

To end this, I am sick and tired of her playing the victim, targetting to abuse me, failing to realise that she has a serious condition, and making me unwelcome in her household. I really need some good coping mechanisms.

Thank you and have a good day.