Children Of Bipolar Parents Community Group
This is a place where those of us who have Parents struggling with Bipolar.I have started this group because my Dad is very sick and I myself have so many questions and need support.So I figured I can't be the only one who is going through this tramatic time.Everyday I wake up hoping to hear the life and soul put back into my Father.It's been three months...
I've been in therapy for over a year trying to work through a serious time of depression. I now know where the root of my problem is and that would be my mom. As far back as my memory will go she's been terrible. She lashes out at the drop of a hat and throws her frustrations from my sisters and I father as well as my younger sister's (she had twins later in life) father. Their constant infedelities and mistreatment of her led to her throw her anger on her children.
Countless times in life she would say how she should've aborted her children. How she should pack up and never come back and just one day have us waske up looking for her. How we should go saty with our dads and she would gladly pay child support for us. The various times of being called anything but our names, from stupid bitches, dumb motherfuckers, hoes, etc. Then to turn around and be our friend like she never said or did anything wrong.
All I ever wanted was her to be like what i had in my head, like my friend's moms. I wanted her to be involed in my school life. I wanted her to care about my grades. I wanted to be involved in activities. I wanted her to show her love!!!! Now being in therapy I'm learning that she has her own demons to deal with that she chooses not to.
Learning now that her psychyatrist has unofficially diagnosed her (she was given the medication and being moitored weekly) doesn't give me hope. She says wht she needs to keep herself from being "officailly crazy" or "sent to the loony bin." She has gooten worse. Her emotional ruptures happen so often that I have chosen to not even speak to her and we live together. She gives me these looks of pure evil and jealousy.
Over the past few weeks since having to go back home, I've realised that i hate her. I want nothing to do with her. She raises my anxiety to a level that I get scared that I'll never come down from. I know that it's best that I should stay away from her. I'm still learning to accept who she is and her mental illness. But it hurts to come to the realization that I'll never have a mom.
#2- recognize this is very toxic to you if it leads you to this level of hate and resentment
#3- best to keep expressing yourself and frustration and talk about your feelings so that they dont continually run in the background of your life. Get them out and leave them behind if you can.
#4- its difficult but as much as possible set boundries to protect yourself and keep this "hate" feeling from firmly seeding itself in you. Hate can eventually consume and jade you to the great and good in life.
#5- It's nice to have a great mom who daily brings you joy- but this is not the only way to find your joy. You dont have that type of mom- but you can still find your joy in many other ways. Look for other good mentors. Do the positive things that build you up. These should be easy to find in your situation as your bar of joy is probably very low!
#6- not having the big easy is ok, it really is. You have had a very bad thing happen to you. This disease has decended upon you. but it does not mean you are unlovable. You are lovable.
#7- repeat these thoughts and push away the toxic as much as you can- focus on the joy. One day you will forgive this pain and hate- leaving room in your heart for joy.
#5-