I see so much of my child self in this post. Zara- you’re amazing. I don’t even want to tell you that you’re strong because I hate being told that. We are forced to be strong to survive. Being strong is a chore and a trait that I wish I never had, we are forced to have It in order to make It through the day. You have to work on reading books and other perspectives of self-help. Once you reach out to other emotional outlets, It makes It easier to emotionally detach yourself from a woman that raised you. YOU ARE NOT HER!!!!!! YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON. I am 21 and still struggle with her every day but I take so much pride in being who I WANT to be. You can do that now. You will get through this and once you are on the other side and moved out, It will be so worth It.

My bipolar mother ruined my life but I can’t let her anymore

Zara,

Bipolarism affects every single person in your household.
Especially children, such as yourself. You need to insist that your parents get you help, as well. As a 33 year old woman who grew up with a severely bipolar mother, please take it from me. Your mother is ill and it is hard to see her for anything outside of her disease when she is acting that way. I hope she finds peace and help, but the journey is long, and you will need coping mechanisms to help you through in the meantime.

I would love to tell you that it is easy, or that she will heal quickly, but this disease is incredibly difficult to navigate through. You are doing a great job by reaching out online for help, but you need to get professional help, even if it's a school counselor. If you're already receiving help, please know that you are loved and this is not your fault.

My mom was diagnosed when I was 13 and I lived with her until 18, so I can relate to how hard it is to live with a bipolar parent while you are just trying to get through the stress of being in high school. I found myself having to take care of her (aka being a "parentified child" where the child/parent roles are reversed). The way I coped at the time was by focusing on school and doing as many activities outside of the house as possible. School was also my ticket out of the situation at 18.

I agree with Rose that you need to reach out to other adults who have the legal power and professional expertise to help you through this time - school counselor is a great place to start and can recommend a therapist. They'll also help you document your experiences and build a case if the time comes when you need to leave. It takes practice and guidance to develop the emotional and coping skills to deal with such a difficult situation. In retrospect, I wish I had been in therapy throughout my teen years. Wishing you all the best,

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Is it possible to stay with your grandma instead? None of this is your fault at all. You are a kid and should be allowed to be a kid without worrying about being safe.

Dear Zara, I am 40 years old and this problem hasn't left me. Even going no-contact for a few years have separated me from the daily torment but I now feel isolated and unlovable and whole lot else. At your age, I buried myself in music and literature and avoided being seen. Just my face alone was enough to send my mom into a raging violent outburst... I only knew the diagnosis of her bipolarism when I was 40 years old. Hopefully you are young enough to learn adjustments from an earlier age.

I'm in tears reading your post. I'm 39 and my mother was not diagnosed with bipolar disorder until I was 25 years old. Reading your post I went through alot of the same thing I understand how hard it is. I'm still dealing with everything I went through as a kid I feel like no one understands but I can see people on here that do. I remember all the yelling my mom did the mood swings I'll be praying for you take care.

Zara, I'm so sorry that you have had to go through all this. It's horrible to feel so scared in the place that is supposed to be our safe haven. I'm 31 years old and I've been trying to live with my mother's BP since I was 7 years old and it's the toughest thing you'll probably have to go through, but it will teach you so much about yourself in the process.

I agree with most of the others on this post, please reach out to someone (such a counsellor) I wish I would have had someone to talk to at your age, I'm only learning to speak up about it now (within the last year actually) and keeping it all in comes at a high cost on your mental wellbeing.

Just know that whatever your mother says to you, that's not who you are. You are going to do great things in life and you will probably enjoy the little things in life, like just coming home to a peaceful and safe environment without the anxiety of not knowing what you'll find when you enter the door.

Whenever you feel like you can't cope, come onto this channel and chat to us, we're all feeling the same emotions or at have been in your situation and can offer some words of comfort xxx

Stay safe and know that you're not alone in this, millions of people are going through this right now and we all have each other. Take care!

My mom married my bipolar stepdad when I was 8 years old. I was suicidal by the time I was 12, and I grew up feeling like I lived in an insane asylum and the warden was the craziest one in the place.

I'm turning 36 next month. I have symptoms of PTSD and I have panic attacks and sometimes feel like I can't breathe when I think about my childhood or start having flashbacks.
Looking back, one of the things I regret is not telling someone what was going on. My mother was ineffective and enabled her husband's behavior and he didn't really do anything to her so I guess it was easier for her to ignore. A lot of crazy things happened in my home and my siblings and I were abused while my mom lived in a state of denial and eventually started telling me I'd brought it on myself by the time I was a teenager. My stepdad is super nice to everyone else so my relatives thought I was exaggerating and doing "rebellious" stuff to cause his behavior.

I am the oldest child. If I had spoke up sooner to someone who had the ability to help me, it may have prevented some of the abuse and forced my mom to do something. If your mom is being verbally, physically, or emotionally abusive to you, please get help even if it means talking to a school guidance counselor or calling the authorities. You don't have to live like that.

Omg. Headphones.... Door
... So much me in this sad tale of my teenage years and even before then too.
I became aware my mother was not herself for periods of time when I was seven!
Yes the talking, night time pacing, drawer emptying at three in the morning, baths at all hours,. Hospital from time to time, getting told I was a mistake, taking my jeans off in the car finger to borrow as she had come.out of the house in a mini skirt, frequent moments where she walked off in town and me and my dad didn't know where she had gone. Medication made her really monge out and nowadays she tries to cope without. As I write this to you today she had a right go at me saying very hurtful things, when I wanted to see my dad who was sat in the car. He has been recently diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. She has been having this illness this time since march this year. She constantly changes her mindset and constantly changes what she says in texts and in the phone calls. I've blocked her number.
I found at your age that staying with my nan helped. I used to do it often. When home it was hard whether she was in hospital or not. I didn't have many friends in the area so mostly I read/acquired books from the library about subjects I was interested in. I also was a huge fan of music and stayed up many nights listening to late night concerts and shows.
Please know it isn't your fault.
Please don't be scared.
And I hope I have helped with some of what I have said on here today. X