You shouldn’t feel guilty for having any feelings. Acknowledge them and realize it’s human to want to remove yourself from this unchosen path you’ve been on. I am 36 yo and my bipolar passed about 4 years ago. She was estranged from our family and I was an only child. I didn’t know how to deal with the burden of it all so I shut her out for years. When I was ready to make contact before getting married, she cut me out. She eventually died from what the coroner thinks was a heart attack but I think it was from a combination of mania, decades of heavy medications and maybe even a broken heart. It’s so hard to walk in someone else’s shoes but at least know that you are not alone being also an adult child of a parent suffering from this instability. We weren’t shown the proper tools in how to manage these situations so we have to be gentle on ourselves.

Thank you for your reply. It is extremely hard and Injustbrecentky thought there has to be others who are dealing with this. I appreciate you.

I have to second what Michjmal said -- my bipolar is still alive, but I've cut off contact and it's been such a confusing mix of guilt and relief -- and I know that feeling "just do it already - put us all out of the misery" -- don't feel guilty --just go through it and know you are not alone

Thanks for your support. She is not speaking to me again and Im ok. I totally understand your guilt/relief feelings. We have to put ourselves first. Take care.

I have a 2nd generation undiagnosed bipolar mother. I was adopted, so, if there is a gene, it skipped me. However she has a bio son who was diagnosed with bipolar several yrs ago. The abuse that we as family members, have to live through is unbearable at times, I was my mother’s trigger/target for years. My father would just argue/feed her issues. My older brother would just leave. My younger bipolar brother would yell,scream,fight... Then somehow I would end up being the target. I stood beside her through her breast cancer. Cleaning chemo crap was great. But nobody else wanted anything to do with her. My mind set was that if I did more for her, she would have to like me. She’d have to treat me nicer. Nope. Didn’t work that way. It started to wear me down. At age 43, I decided that my life is probably half over. I was going to refuse to live the other half of my life being treated like crap from her or anyone else for that matter. It was lonely for a while. However, it was the best lonely. I got to know me. I realized how small she made me feel. How I always let people walk all over me because I always tried to please people, not myself. I had my brothers and father call me for a little while asking me to “come back” . Are you kidding me??!?? I had enough. We haven’t spoke in 4 yrs. I’m happy with my decision. Sometimes we need to separate ourselves from what brings us so much hurt, so we can just be happy.

I feel the exact way you do and so often have the exact same thoughts about my mother. Although mine has spoken to me only a handful of times in over two years (the irony when I should be the one not speaking to her after all the abuse) I sometimes hope she’ll put herself out of her misery so there is a finality to it and I know I’ll never have to take the hurtful words and actions again. Because we we are still being abused in a sense, as the cold shoulder/ignoring is a form of psychological attempt at control and hurting someone.

Very true SDstrong, AbivRuby my older sister has done what you are doing. She speaks to my mom on the rare occasion when we are together at family events like funerals. My mom recently had a minor stroke and she didn't even call her. That was kind of tough. I think the silence eats at my sister a bit though. I have recently just learned to let her talk and not respond at all when she says ridiculous things. I also change the subject from trigger topics.

Unfortunately I feel you pain but its my soon to be ex-husband not a parent. When i read your story i think of my two kids that love their dad SOO much. Its sad but true, i think they would feel at ease if he was just deceased and not running in and out of our/their lives, in treatment centers, lying, stealing and putting on this farce that he is just fine. God bless everyone, not sitting here in judgement just being honest for once.

Wow, reading all of these stories sounds like the lives of my two children and myself. Bipolar wife, children 24 & 20. Total nightmare but as time passes you realise that what she does/ her habits will remain constant. What we the “conscious” people need to do (not easy of course) is to try and ID coping mechanisms. One I found useful is blocking her number and emails to stop “poison” notes popping up randomly. It’s key to try to become detached ASAP. I used go out after her after a day of drinking then her walking the streets at 4 in the morning. I had to stop! I realised that I can’t save here from herself. If she doesn’t want to help herself who am I to say otherwise. Now, I try to let her get on with it..... and cherish the quiet moments she’s not around!

I am in the same boat as everyone above. I have a bipolar mother and often feel like life would be easier if she was not around .. I see amazing people and friends parents pass away and wonder why them and not my mom. Does anyone have a bipolar parent who has passed? Do you feel any better or any sense of relief ? What is our responsibility to them while they are alive? Am I obligated to take care of her and put up with her just because she is my parent? Even if it is at my own expense? If I don't talk to her I feel guilty, if I do talk to her, then I have to deal with her constant annoying emotional abuse and erratic emotional states. Im not sure what the "right' thing to do is when you have a bipolar parent or loved one. I can have boundaries and try to put myself first or not talk to her but they still exist. I don't see a way out. I feel cheated out of not having a normal parent and a normal life. I grew up without a dad. My son has no grandparents ( except one bipolar grandma and one alchoholic grandma on the other side) How do people cope ? Do you ever find any peace? I'm tired of thinking about her and worrying about her and need a break.

Your obligation is to yourself. The next time she goes off tell her to go get counseling. She is slowly not targeting me anymore because she knows that I won't take it anymore. I have to say it may be a blessing that she is not a great grandparent because my mom manipulates the adult grands who did not experience her rants and tries to pit them against me and my siblings. She is really a piece of work. I will see her at christmas but I have literally stopped calling her or texting at this point. I turned 50 this year and I refuse to live the balance of my life trying to make an unhappy sick woman happy. Just take care of yourself and your child. Thankfully I have siblings and friends to love on since I don't get that from my mom. Wishing everyone a minimally dramatic holiday.