Hi all! 

I have been struggling recently with living with my mother (who is diagnosed with bipolar disorder and multiple sclerosis), my younger brother (who has severe autism, catatonia and epilepsy) and my father (who has anxiety). I am 26 years old and recently moved back in with my family, following a mutual break up with my partner of 7 years. I have been living away from home the majority of this 7 year period, including time at university. Dealing with the feelings of my break up, as well as moving back in with my family, has been incredibly damaging for my mental health, especially during a unprecedented pandemic, and sometimes I feel like I have just had enough of life. 

I am constantly the support network for my family, and feel an incredible amount of guilt with some of the thoughts and feelings I've had recently. My parents have been incredible in the fight for my brother's rights, schooling and medication, and I think they are both wonderfully strong for dealing with a multitude of issues that has happened due to his conditions, but I often feel as though I am overlooked. This is often parr for the course for siblings of people with severe autism, however to top these feelings, my mother has a strong jealousy for me and my social life, not having had female friends of her own to turn to at my age, as she had a narcissistic mother who also verbally abused her. My mother constantly tells me that I have put on weight, my skin looks bad, my art isn't good enough, etc. She has no respect for my privacy, and moves or throws out my belongings (after being told many times that I do not appreciate this, and her saying sorry for it, and then continuing to do it time and time again), as well as there being a lack of trust on my part due to her reading my diaries when I was a teenager, and struggling with my own issues with depression at this time. 

My mother is on medication for her bipolar disorder, but her recent diagnosis of MS and her decline in mobility has affected her bipolar profusely. She is unable to do things, so she spends an enormous amount of money on online games, which my father has threatened to leave her due to before. If this happens, I am not sure what I will do as I am unable to accept that I would have to take on the role of her carer for the rest of my life, as I have so much anger and animosity towards her... the thought of it kills me inside.

I have had therapy and have learnt some coping mechanisms and have learnt the importance of putting boundaries in place, however living with my three family members now makes it difficult to control my anger at the situation. I want to move out, and have started saving to do so, but with my whole family being incredibly vulnerable and looking to me as their "rock", I feel a huge amount of guilt for wanting to do this. I get extremely negative thoughts towards my family sometimes, which eats me up inside... hence why I wanted to join this forum and find others in the same situation as me for support. 

Please do share your stories with me and any advice you may be able to offer in dealing with conflicts in the house, my living situation and my negative feelings towards my family. I would really appreciate it, thank you.