Okay so I always had questionable parentage since 13 when in a arguement my dad said some unkind things,, and apparently his whole family knew. He was abusive, most knew and I guess they thought I was lucky anyone "gave me a name"

I am in my 40's been searching like 26 years, dad passed, and so did his parents.

My aunt and grandmother did ancestry dna tests on my moms side then 23 and me (the tests were like within 4 percent of eachother for accuracy)

I decided I would do a ancestry dna test.

I thought if it came back I was 90 percent norwegian it would be moms 1st husband if it came back a mix norwegian and german of some type husband 2 and there was a rumor she had dated a native at one time...

The test came back much different, and I had a close relative equal to my aunt and grandmother who were on it,,,and a "first cousin"

relation I did not recognize, so that same night I messaged and the "cousin" responded, a awesome woman 5 years older than I.

This woman came from questionable parentage also, and I built a dialog fast, on difficult subjects,, Discussing the fact that I did not know my father or who it was, was very difficult for me.

Uhm the results were I had close relation to her uncle. I plugged in my dna to many databases,, learned about autisomol dna statistic charts,, started thinking what if one of these men was illigitimate?

Eventually we were sure we were related, so she asked her mom and her mom asked her grandma (nobody recognized names).

So we looked at events,, I was born in 77 my mother was 18 but would have been 17 when I was concieved, the only other combination that made sense by dna, was that the grandfather was my bio dad. And he was born in 1920, my mother born in 1958? This man would have been 56,,,at the time my mom was 17,,,(something she certainly would have remembered!) but the "cousin/niece" sent me some family pics.. and when I showed my mother,,, she got really quiet,,,and said I never knew his name,,she was raped one night,,and then another night ,,, her boyfriend was airforce and on base,,,and she was home in a apartment all alone. They were from a small minnesota town,,, She thought nothing came from this.. 

I called and gave the confirmation over the phone that it was rape, and then said I need to think for 3 days.

I spent time with my mom, and am making sure she is okay.

I had some whiskey last night,,I am very against drinking but 2 times a year but last night,, I am in my 40's I know this is not my fault, or the fault of that family and my mom is the victim.

I promised myself if I ever found family of any kind and they asked me to not contact again, I would, or if things were not healthy or positive, or if I was a embarassment or ... I think just the awkwardness for my mom alone,,

I think I will tell this niece, thankyou for the help, I now know what I spent over 25 years searching for. And I am sorry if this has caused any embarassment, or difficulty. (I really would have liked to know my 3 half brothers and 2 half sisters though the youngest I think is 20 years older than I?),, but the idea of the grandkids they have,,gee kids this is your uncle,,grandpas bastard rape baby,,, I will not put anyone through this.. these people what little I know the man died 3 years ago at 94,,,and was mean,,, won a purple heart in ww2,,had my mom knew who he was and accused him of rape back then,,, she was a emancipated minor,,,17  a nobody,, strangely it might be best she did not know who he was?  Sicker,,he told his family a story about a young girl who he helped bring in a harvest and was so thankful she slept with him?,,, I do not know why a rapist would,,? share? brag? or ,,so the pig knew,, or suspected. 

My mother is waiting for DNA test, and asked me to leave my test up for her but I think I will remove it I do not plan on having kids,,and its just a horrible thing. My niece was searching for her bio father,,and seeing that result every day. I know how I feel so for all concerned I just want to make it all disapear. ,,7 days,,after one dna test.. someone said the odds of a person who does not know their parentage is one in 77?,, that the odds of finding a close match on ancestry or any website is in 1 in 10,000's or 30,0000's?  

I read alot about people saying they wish they never knew they were a product of rape.

I am glad I know who my bioparent is,,, I can stop searching, this part of my life is over..I do feel hollow I have not cried because I think my mom was the victim,,I am mad.. the person I am mad at, is already in hell and I hope someday to go to hell just to confront this man,,,and maybe I will teach the devil how to hurt this man?..(I never understood the phrase I would follow him to hell)

I have only known friday night ,,its sunday morning,, tuesday night, I will say goodbye to this family I never knew, and begin destroying evidence of over 20 years of searching.. 

We told nobody,,my mom,, my niece,,my half sis (I never met and her mom)..

My sister who I grew up with is having a party for my 5 year old niece,,and I am so sick and sad that I need to go and pretend to be happy my siblings are rather shallow or just terrible about gossip so I will never be able to tell them or share in any way.

I know I am a mess and just going to hide all this,,  I am not sure I am strong enough to bury all this?  (and if I do not it wil just hurt everyone around me,,,and people I do not know?)