Thank you mother, for teaching me what life was really all about, for meeting all those interesting men as a child, for not believing me when i told you what one of their sons did. for giving me uncompleteable chores, and hitting me for not finishing them, for embarassing me in front of my friends by putting my nose in a pile of shit while they ate ice cream. for taking my friends away because their parents didnt want to be involved. for not getting me new school clothes so mine were too small or i had to wear the same thing over so i got made fun of. for jumping out of the car while pregnant with my sister trying to kill her, for blaming me if she died when you were fighting with my step dad if i didnt get her out of the way. thank you, for teaching me about sex by all the fighting and screaming between you and my step dad because he wouldnt fuck you. thank you for teaching me that material things matter more than the person, or anything. thank you for telling me i would never be anything, that i was worthless. you were right, i didnt understand you then, but i believed you, and i have managed to destroy everything good in my life thus far and never complete a project. thank you for teaching me about family, how they should never be together. thank you for teaching me about love, and that with love should be pain, so i seek out pain, so that i can feel love and attatchments.

Thank you, for everything that you have done for me, i wouldnt be where i am without you,

i might be a millionaire, or have a degree and a loving whole family, i might be happy. but instead im here, struggling just like you taught me, hurting just like i have always known because peace and relaxation elude me, arent you proud?