Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
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My exAP has found out I moved in with my BS. It's 6 months since DDAY and NC since then. None at all.
He knows my BS and when this all first came out threatened him a bunch of times but nothing came of it and with some time he stopped and they had NC too.
Today my BS got a warning from one of his friends that I should apologise to exAP ASAP because he's losing his shit since he found out I'm moving. I don't know how he found out or why anyone told him.
Not long after exAP started texting saying shit like 'she has until midnight NYE to come clean' and other vague threats.
I'm in Australia and I don't know what to do. Go to the police with vague threats?? I don't know what he's capable of. I don't know if he still has nudes from early in the A (and though he's never threatened revenge porn in all of this, he did tell me at one point in our A that there's nothing wrong with revenge porn) or if he's planning on hurting me or my BS. I don't know if it's all stupid threats because he has no power. He won't say what he'll do, BS just keeps replying saying he wants none of his shit and will go to police if it continues.
I know no one can probably help me but I need to get this off my chest because I'm not coping and I'm scared and I keep thinking I should just leave but I love my partner I truly do and I've just moved across the country for him and the only out I see is suicide.
He knows my BS and when this all first came out threatened him a bunch of times but nothing came of it and with some time he stopped and they had NC too.
Today my BS got a warning from one of his friends that I should apologise to exAP ASAP because he's losing his shit since he found out I'm moving. I don't know how he found out or why anyone told him.
Not long after exAP started texting saying shit like 'she has until midnight NYE to come clean' and other vague threats.
I'm in Australia and I don't know what to do. Go to the police with vague threats?? I don't know what he's capable of. I don't know if he still has nudes from early in the A (and though he's never threatened revenge porn in all of this, he did tell me at one point in our A that there's nothing wrong with revenge porn) or if he's planning on hurting me or my BS. I don't know if it's all stupid threats because he has no power. He won't say what he'll do, BS just keeps replying saying he wants none of his shit and will go to police if it continues.
I know no one can probably help me but I need to get this off my chest because I'm not coping and I'm scared and I keep thinking I should just leave but I love my partner I truly do and I've just moved across the country for him and the only out I see is suicide.
Do not be afraid to get the police involved. Let THEM decide if they think these are idle threats. Having a paper trail and a record of his threats should something be attempted will go a long way in thwarting the ex-AP. My boyfriend's ex-AP in my case also threatened me through my boyfriend. I did not hesitate to file a police report. Thankfully in our case, nothing ever came of the threats, though for a while we were a bit worried, because she was acting so crazy.
As for the porn, if you have an attorney, you might have him write the ex-AP a letter stating that if it is discovered that he has shared or published the pictures in any way shape or form, he will be sued. There are laws that protect people from their images being used without permission. There are laws against harassment/threats. And there are laws against public defamation of character.
And lastly, does the ex-AP hold any type of professional license? If so, that is more leverage to use against him in order to get him to stop. In our case, the ex-AP was a nurse, and she could very well have lost her license because of her behavior had we notified the nursing board. Hitting her in the area of her professional license had a huge effect on her. If you could do something similar, that might have a lot of effect.
I would be worried about the pictures also; people that threaten sometimes don't know when to stop or how far to go. I'm not sure if talking to him is an option, sometimes a crucial conversation between both parties can clear up a lot (although you should bring a buddy/partner to go with you for your safety). Sometimes a court appointed mediator is used for just those purposes and to be that liaison.
I have some knowledge on revenge porn. Check out the website: "Women against revenge porn". Revenge porn is a real thing; however, it is extremely difficult to prove/persecute (unless you are a minor), unfortunately once pictures are out there-it becomes very complicated, also many women take on the "I deserve it/ victim" role (not a good thing) BUT there are some jurisdictions that do have definitive laws regarding this and an attorney can best tell you how to proceed and what your rights are.
Good luck. I think its every OWs or OMs fear once an A is over.
Perhaps just cutting off all contact from the ex-AP (and also his "friends" who are acting as his flying monkeys) would also be effective. If it were me, I would block contact with him/from him everywhere possible---and file a restraining order, and not just threaten to do it. Threats do not really carry much weight with people like him. At the minimum, a police report needs to be filed. It sounds like he needs to go to jail!! There is a chance that the ex-AP is gaining some sick type of pleasure from inflicting pain on you--if he cannot get to you, even through friends, perhaps he will stop. You know him better than I do, however---just an idea.
When and if you do these things, be vigilant--very vigilant. Security cameras and an alarm system around your home is a good idea. Security cameras are not all that expensive--there have been burglaries in my neighborhood and a lot of my neighbors have bought fairly inexpensive cameras that work well. Change your routine where possible--anything he knows as your routine will give him opportunity. If you catch him on video around your home after he has been served a restraining order, he will get his wish and go to jail--at least that is how it works where I live.
I hope that with a few measures of prevention and time all this will stop and you will be able to find peace.
If you're smart, you'll stop threatening to get a restraining order, and do it.
Contact the police and contact an attorney.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this.