That should say wanting really badly to see him again (was voice texting)
And no contact, not new contact.
It's a bad day

If you delete his contact (and all previous texts) from your phone, would you remember the number? I ask because I know personally, I hardly remember anyone's number...with speed dial/saved numbers, you really don't have to remember numbers any more. I couldn't tell you my W's #, or my best friend's #.

If you think you'd forget the number, maybe do this. The difficultly in contacting him might be what you need short term.

I was always the one to initiate contact, as well. When I finally figured out that I needed him more than he needed me, it became so much easier to stick to NC. I've had NC since July 1 - the day I told him it was over. Unfortunately, I work with him and have not fpund a new position (I am a teacher). I will see him daily but I will not call or text him. He has contacted me twice regarding work. I responded with brief messages regarding work only. I am the grade level lead and therefore have to communicate with my team members. He is on my team. :-(

Anyway, I know how you feel right now. You feel alone and he makes you feel whole again. But keep in mind that he is not contacting you. He is living his life fine without you and when you contact him he knows that soon you will want to hook up for sex. He has absolutely no dog in this hunt. He has nothing to lose at all! But you stand to lose everything. Go NC and stay that way. It is difficult but if you focus on his negatives it will be easier.

I am hear to chat whenever you want. If you send me a private mesage I'd even be happy to give you my cell number. We need to support each other.

To paraphrase Dory "Keep on Quitting".

I go NC and a couple days later, txt and get a lame basic text back.
I used to think, "oh, he's just busy" etc. but more and more I know he's "just not that into me"

So I go NC and last a little longer...

I get better at quitting all the time. So "Keep on Quitting"

Well… Technically, he does have something to lose. He is married and has two grown children that he would never want to destroy that. But… in a way, you're right. I think that if I stop contacting him, he will probably not contact me. :( that kills me though :(

The fact that NC would devastate me, but I feel like he wouldn't care, really hurts me. :(

The not being needed anymore is far worse than the actual loss of (what I suspect to be) a fairly average person with whom you've probably had steamy sex with fueled by brain chemistry and delusions.

Been there, done that.

It helps me to look at the people who do need me and who chose me to be in their life in a complete and fulfilling capacity. That dude, he was using you.. maybe he did love you, but he was never going to be yours anyway. What's the point of staying on the roller coaster?

Full disclosure: my NC has gone a little something like this:

1 week until I cracked
3 weeks until I cracked
3 more weeks...
3 MONTHS...
Been at it now for a total of 10 days when I was an idiot and had to reset the clock.

It does get easier, I promise. :)

I love what Pretty wrote: "It helps me to look at the people who do need me and who chose me to be in their life in a complete and fulfilling capacity." Why would we want to chase people to be in our lives? If a person wants to be in your life they will make an obvious effort to do so. Don't reserve a space in your heart for people that don't make an effort to stay. If someone isn't treating you right, no matter how much you love them, you have to love yourself more and walk away.

The vast majority of the time it was me breaking NC also. Last time I stayed strong and did NC for over 2 months and he broke it....started up again....same crap different day, weeks, months....and guess what? Back to NC 4 months and its wonderful. I like who I am becoming. I needed to step outside, get some fresh air, remind myself of who I am and of who I want to be and I could either choose to be miserable or I could choose to be happy, it was the same amount of work.

Many of us know a lot of tools to continue on the NC path when you are ready. Its ok, it frequently takes many attempts but as long as you know there is something amiss and can identify it, that is the first step :)

i love what whitecat1 said. Just Keep on Quitting. I guess that is a simplified version of what I have been doing for the last 14 years. Does it get easier? For me: yes (and no, since I am still struggling.) Does it ever completely go away? Well, it's been over for 14 yrs and I still have lapses with this NC thing. So, for me I think it is a lifetime battle. But with any addiction if you want it bad enough you can overcome. Forgive yourself when you lapse and jump right back on the bandwagon of Keep on Quitting.
shoretimenow: I would love to hear about the tools. Maybe I can learn some new tricks to overcome this addiction.

Just me....I keep an app on my phone that logs time in Weeks-Days-Hours-Minutes-Seconds. After NC is broken..and we connect either TXT, Phone or real life I re-set the app to 00. Then when I feel the urge to contact him, I look at the app. If it's only been a couple days I say "C'mon! You don't even talk to your best friend this often! Toughen up! NC!" Each time I go NC, I seem to be able to hang in there longer...and less likely to reach out. BUT..my situation is I'm doing the chasing for the most part now. Since he "caught" me last year his testosterone to pursue me as a new catch is gone. We aren't "in love", We are just bad kids I guess. ANYWAY....I love the app to keep me from being overbearing and needy. I feel good about myself if I can hold back. If I cant just quit it...at least I'm backing away.