Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I realize now what I have to do now but I don't know how to go about it. I know I must end this other relationship but how do you end it when you started it. This guy i know really cares or (maybe) cares about me and I don't want to break his heart and at the same time most importantly I don't want to break my husbands heart and my children's. With each day that goes by I feel worse and worse about this affair, in fact it's starting to not appeal to me anymore but how do I leave peacefully and how do I not get back into the same thing again or go back to him? My first therapist appt. Is today so maybe that will help. I don't know why I'm so scared to leave this man yet im so scared to stay??? He wants me to go hiking with him to get to know him better a day when the kids are in school. We've made plans already!!! This affair just started two weeks ago so I've not really known him very long. I really don't want this anymore. I'm so scared!
Trust me. Walk away. It wont, it absolutely wont, get better for you. The highs will be accompanied by extreme lows...and if you're already vulnerable to depression, drugs, self-abuse, etc....they will be your escape from those lows. I was clean of self-abuse for eleven years of a happy marriage...and the lows of the affair have led me back into that old behavior.
See your therapist, and continue to see one to work on what you are seeking that your marriage doesn't provide...and leave the affair. I would give ANYTHING to be where you are now and have made a better decision.
You are strong to know so much about yourself, and what you need to do.
There are so many people here who will help you go through "No Contact" take advantage of us.
Like Shakespeare said, do it now. When I first came on here, a kind soul gave that very same advice. She said that there was no way to come out on the other end a winner. It is hard and it is shockingly painful to go NC, but the longer you go and the deeper into the A you get, it will be even harder.
Read through posts on here, reach out to the people here who've walked this road and survived...their advice and examples will be of immense help.
Glad you are working with a therapist. That is a great start. One thing that my therapist told me as I was trying to quit a month long emotional affair was that if I left my marriage after giving it all I had and working hard, my kids would be a lot more understanding than if I left my marriage bc of an A. It took me a few tries but it's now over-- no contact at all. I focus on my H and family. Take life one day at a time...
Sending you positive energy...