Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
So I was in a relationship with a wonderful man for over 4 years. I have a pretty vicious fear of commitment from a toxic 12-year marriage prior. As we started moving closer toward marriage (talks/plans/etc.), I let my fear get the best of me and cheated with a guy I knew at the gym. I had sex with him 3 times before the guilt buried me and I ended the relationship but never told him. I told him I wasn’t able to marry him and he deserved to find someone who would. Now, four months later, I am in therapy (a couple months in), meditating and have become an active Christian to somehow rebuild my feeling of integrity… And the man I left has now returned to my life wanting to “start over.” My question is- if I want to try to rebuild this, do I tell him? Or can there be redemption in the work I’m doing to prevent its reoccurrence?
You need to face the real reason you cheated. That will tell you if you are likely to do it again. Good luck.
If the plan is to marry him in the future then it is necessary for him to know who he is marrying. Otherwise you are essentially fooling/tricking him into marrying you.
When a crooked car salesman sells you a car it is nice and shiny and they tell you it works fine and hasn't been into any accidents. Little do you know it has many broken parts and has been in a major collision.
If you are now a Christian you know what the right answer is already.