Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I am in a good relationship now, with a loving and intelligent woman. We have a great sex life. Her health history is sometimes scary, but I have not let that bother me.
I wish I understood why, but I have been thinking of seeing my former FWB again. This is especially strange, not only given the fact that I've been striving for a good relationship for such a long time, but my attraction for the FWB is not particularly high. She has a smoking habit, and I had to stop seeing her after the residue from her body made me ill after sex.
So what would make me want to do something so self sabotaging as this? I have never felt good about cheating, and yet I've done so several times in my life now.
Do any of you have similar experiences or inclinations? If so, what have you done to stop them?
I wish I understood why, but I have been thinking of seeing my former FWB again. This is especially strange, not only given the fact that I've been striving for a good relationship for such a long time, but my attraction for the FWB is not particularly high. She has a smoking habit, and I had to stop seeing her after the residue from her body made me ill after sex.
So what would make me want to do something so self sabotaging as this? I have never felt good about cheating, and yet I've done so several times in my life now.
Do any of you have similar experiences or inclinations? If so, what have you done to stop them?
And I wish I knew why...I think the reason is multifaceted. I think ultimately, stress makes me want to "step out" a bit...."just one more time..." in addition to all the reasons that make me a cheater (upbringing, ACOA, etc.)
With that said, with a particular AP (and maybe like your former FWB) I would make lists of all the things that turned me off about him/things that bothered me, things he did or said that troubled me. He was the one that tempted me the most.
Although, to be fair......sometimes I would just say, "Well, I'll find someone else better/nicer/more normal" and I seemed to be able to do that....so......currently, my M keeps me from cheating. Simply, he doesn't' deserve a wife who cheats. I put myself in his shoes constantly, "How would I feel if....." I also know he would be snatched up in a minute by someone who would be faithful to him and I would be left with nothing not even my friends who wouldn't believe I would ever cheat on him. I have also turned what would have been my behaviors (sexting, flirting, introducing different sexual things...) with my AP and began to turn them to him. After all, he is the one I have chosen to spend my life with and I am certain I don't want to lose him.
I also come here a lot....especially when extremely tempted....sometimes I just read the infidelity board and 'listen' to the sheer anger and despair there. Consider I've been here for almost 2 years, but only 'affair free' for less than 6 months, it does help keep me motivated at times.
Good luck....keep in touch and keep the faith!
But just to reinforce what you already know, you might want to read some of the posts here by people who have cheated and have deep deep regret. A lot of people go as far as to wish they had never met their AP. Many end up in divorce/broken relationships and are in a lot of pain.
This is one reason why forums like this are so valuable--people can learn from other and possibly avoid making mistakes.
I suspect that you might have some needs in your current relationship that are not being met. Instead of turning outward for validation, why not have a heart to heart talk with your woman and allow her to help fix whatever you think might be lacking. Such talks can be very enlightening (to both partners) and, though sometimes a bit painful, they can draw the two of you closer. Communication is key. If there is an issue, it will not be solved by going elsewhere---that will only add another problem to the pile.
If you can't shake the need to cheat that you feel, perhaps IC can help you.
What is IC?
I am glad that you are planning not to see the OW. Smart move. But you still need to work on what is lacking in your marriage in order to make the best of things.