Depends on your definition of "loving". My H is a good man, we rarely disagree or have any fights. He supported me in whatever I want to do, is a good father... Yet I had an A. I didn't want to have one, or seek it out, but it happened. I've justified in the past that I was vulnerable because my H lived in his own world emotionally and there wasn't the intimacy I longed for - but now I realize that the A is really only about me. So yes, I did cheat despite a loving partner - but I can't say I searched for an A.

This certainly describes my lying, cheating husband.

As they say - cheating is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock

Are you just in need of a non-monogamous arrangement? Is there a way forward without secrecy?

@GG: I don't think a non-monogamous arrangement is the right for my M. I personally don't think it really works for anyone, but that's my opinion. My plan, moving forward, is to strengthen the relationships I have now with my good friends (of the same sex). I haven't had a good friend I can share my life with in years. My best friend had moved away about 10 years ago and we drifted. Just realizing, just now typing this, that was a significant loss to me and I did slowly become very lonely. I think I didn't realize because it was a slow drifting (loss), you know how life is. Why didn't I think of that before? Ha

another note: I read somewhere that affairs are most commonly triggered by a loss.

OK, one more thing: This ties in with another thread but can't remember where that is... I don't think that it's reasonable or fair to expect my H to meet all my needs. He can't make me happy. There is nothing that justifies my having an A. He didn't deserve it. Even if he was unloving. People love in different ways. I was weak, the perfect storm happened, I justified it wrongly and now I'm paying the emotional toll. GG is paying tenfold in her life and I'm sad to read about all you've been through...

My neighbor's MIL, who is in a solid long-term marriage, told her that your (purely platonic) friendships become more and more important as you get older because your partner can't possibly meet all of your emotional needs. I let some of my female friendships slip leading up to my affair. I also think I was in need of excitement and adventure, but I can find legitimate ways to meet that need.

I tend to think a polyamorous relationship would be even more of a prison, as multiple people would have to be kept happy.

There is something within yourself that is making you think an affair will make you happy. if you seek for happiness outside of yourself your happiness will be dependent on the whim of others. you need to take care of your inner happiness and overall happiness yourself, no one, not an affair, not sleeping with 100 people, not getting a new car, NONE of these ouside sources of happiness will make you happy, they are the equivalent to a bandaid of a footlong gash. temporary happiness in limited amounts is what leads to addictions.

i forgot to mention to you JTK6204, that nothing stings more to a person than losing the respect and love of a person that truly loves you. when people who are awesome are taken for granted, they wake up and realize they can do much better. do treasure those are good to you in your life.

A few things; Angela, yes! There IS a correlation between grief and infidelity. It was actually one of a few factors that contributed to my infidelity. I'm glad you brought that up.

I just want to say, only commenting on what you actually posted.....I'm looking at things through another angle.......You stated you want to cheat despite a loving partner.
I want to cheat too.....the pull is strong a few times a week. I also want to go to Outback and eat a blooming onion and down a few margaritas and tease middle aged men that are looking for a good time........but I won't.
I also want to buy a new Fall 2016 Brighton handbag for $800 (I had a shopping addiction years ago, too).....but I won't.
I think, for those of us that are former cheaters, its perfectly normal to have the desire at times. Cheating was a crutch, it was an addiction, it was a way of life that brought us (what we thought was) an escape, bliss, fun, excitement.
What is within ourselves is normal. Don't beat yourself up. We can't control our thoughts.
But we can control our actions. It all comes down to a choice. Either we cheat or we don't cheat.
You can be in an actual situation where cheating is right in front of you.....and we are all born with free will....the 'cheater' (aka the old me) would say, "Damn he's hot.....he really wants me?......no one would know......just this once......I deserve it......" The non cheater (me now) says: "Not worth it.....not risk worthy......"
So, yeah, I think about cheating often (hence my time here) but is going down that road and starting that cycle, and ALL the drama and nonsense and lies and deception and games that go with it, not to mention the potential of losing someone that actually doesn't deserve any of this and I will probably never find someone like him again, really worth it?
Nah.
But it can cross my mind......
I think that one of the things that BS's may not understand......that we may become affair free, we many be 'good' and faithful and all that stuff.....but you can't erase memory or triggers.
Its a choice, sometimes a daily choice, sometimes a monthly choice, maybe less, maybe more....but when push comes to shove, its our actions that do speak louder than our words and what we do with those choices.

I deeply love my wife and we "happy", but the pull of my EA is very strong. Undeniable at times......

Thanks for all the comments. I'm doing OK, not cheating. I especially agree with 'shoretimenow' - it's the thrill, the crutch, the escape from reality, the known momentary thrill that comes at the expense of remorse and the risk of the most damaging fallout. There is a present grief situation, which does have an effect.

Thanks, all- I'll manage.. you were very helpful, and I mean that.

I know exactly what you mean jtk. I love my husband to death but he couldn't be more boring and protective.