Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I've been having an affair with a co worker and it has been going on for 15 months. We definitely never expected it to last this long. We are both married. He's friends/coworkers with my husband and I'm good friends with his wife. We've gone on trips together (before the affair started). We've tried to stop so many times but we work the same shift and know as long as we have access to each other this will never end. We know this will never go past just an affair. We both love our spouses but just gave into temptation and now can get out of it. It's like we are addicted to each other. We've both developed feelings, not love but a greater care for each other. He's no longer going to be on the same shift as me and will be working opposite days. That's the nail in the coffin. I know it needs to happen in order for us to stop and focus on our families neither of us are ready.we have the same group of friends and vacations as a group together and I know if we are ever alone something sexual will happen. How do we stop? We've tried deleting and unfriending but we've become apart of each other's every day life that we miss each other and go at each other harder. How do I not miss him?
Listening to the podcast "Your secret is safe with me" by Marie Murphy PHD and checking out her website really helped. It kind of normalized what we do and why we do it. Which we all want to know the why.
I would ask, do you really want it to stop? Feelings become tricky. Really tricky. I didn't know I had real feelings for my affair partner until it was to late. Now she's is gone.
Time its the only real answer. It sucks its painful there is no magic button. I recommend seeing a therapist if that's an option at all. If not, then continue to post here. I check this fairly often and constantly posting to my own thread. Its like an anonymous journal. You can always comment on here and I am happy to try to talk you off a ledge.
Don’t beat yourself up.. I was blind sided by how far I had fallen for my now exow. My own experience and from hanging around here and reading, is that in order to end it, you have to go absolute, no contact. Good luck.