Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I've been on here before a long time ago. I've been doing so great with my progress. But I can never shake the feeling like getting back together wasnt worth it. There have been promises from us both that things would be better. We made plans and it feels like the actions he's taken after he quit his job have put a strain on us both. I love him, as much as the day we met, but I feel like I'm wasting my time sometimes. Since we have gotten back together things have remained the same as they once were before I cheated. There's been neglect, and arguing, lots of arguing. I have considered a few times cheating again, but immediately talk myself out of it because I don't want to lose what I have. To be honest there isn't much I can do if he doesn't want to move forward with me. It's the same story as before. I've had more mental break downs from all the neglect, whether it's sexual or emotional it all still hurts in the same way. I've had offers but I still turn them down because I know it's the right thing to do. But then I get the thought "one more time?" I sometimes wish I can feel love and a connection with another man sometimes, because the one I went back to hasn't changed. I know I Iove him , but it's hard not falling back into the old habit... But if I'm not happy I should do what's right for me... I don't even know anymore....
I think when you rely on two people to make a relationship flourish that requires ALOT of work. More work than many can or are even able to invest in full time, all the time, constant and consistently, and its so easy to fall back into old habits.
It happens in my marriage too and most of us, really.
And, yes.........I think the 'one more time' is real. Its hard to shake it once you got a taste of it. Its like an escape.
For me, every single solitary day is a struggle- somedays more than others.
I often wonder if anyone has an A, ends it, and never ever looks back.
If I have one regret about my past life - It is that I didn't make active choices. If I was unhappy, I should have asked for a divorce. Failing to act became a choice in and of itself. Only with a really bad hangover.
I can relate to your post - head up, one day at a time.
I'm so sorry that you are feeling crappy about how your H is treating you.
I hope the situation gets better between you and him.
As far as wanting to stray from your husband , it's normal.
Most of us here are addicted to our AP's or A's in general , or both.
We are kind of like drug addicts or alcoholics.
Like drug addicts and alcoholics, we WOULD LOVE to go out and use or drink UNDER ANY AND ALL REASONS.
Whether things are going good or bad ; for a true addict or alcoholic, any reason is a GREAT REASON to go use or drink.
If you truly want to give it one last try, ask him to go for couples counseling. Cheating or simply resisting it won't fix what's going on. Don't look at these other offers as a means to an end. Jumping from one relationship into another is not a good plan.
If you choose not to be with him, allow yourself time to heal and love yourself before you invest in another relationship. That's just my take on this based on the info you've provided.
i've tried getting him to go with me, even if i mention it he still thinks that we don't need it. you're right there are many other problems and so much more than it seems. thankfully there are no children between us. i don't want to cheat to be perfectly honest. but i feel like if there's nothing going on besides the negative, then i will want to move on with my life. it's just so difficult when he doesn't want to try to resolve a lot of what's been going on.
I'm asking this because I wonder if maybe your holding on to the idea of being in a relationship as some sense of security.
In my life I've had many friends who were never without a bf. They didn't end one relationship unless there was a prospective option around the corner or would literally jump into something new almost immediately after a break up. I was the opposite in that I got clostrophobic after time and wanted space and avoided relationships.
I don't think either extreme is healthy. I just feel that sometimes taking time to on your own and happy with who you are can bea good thing.
I am not telling you to break up. Just consider it as a viable option if this man doesn't want to put in the work. He's not going to change. Well chances are he's not and if his short comings are something you can picture dealing with for the rest of your life, then stick around and hope for and work towards the best you can.
Relationships are not exactly easy.