Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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emptybuthopeful 09/01/2015

What is it with these triggers? i hate the radio! it's like a cruel sick joke, every time i feel like things are civil we're sitting in the car and on the radio is some song about cheating, the songs my H knew my AP and i enjoyed and listened to will play. Movies on TV all about cheating- that stupid Cheaters show! Even phrases used are triggers... the car my ex-AP drove which is very very uncommon and stands out will drive past. like wtf?

How do you deal with this? it drives me insane- things get very awkward, my H either starts speeding, makes sideline comments or hits the steering wheel. i don't know what to do in this situation?

We have not spoken to anyone about the A and our marriage troubles, but yesterday infront of me he told his mother that he is heartbroken and when she asked why he just looked away and went quiet:(

please tell me how you manage day-day?

shoretimenow 09/01/2015

Ugh, I hate the car thing too....I kinda got used to it and don't look in the drivers seat anymore.
Let it go, Elsa.
Seriously put it in a balloon and release it. Listen to your own song......"Let it Go" by Demi Lovato.
I still sometimes need to belt that out when we travel on the same roads......
You are doing the right thing. You know that. Keep on your path. You made your decision. You know its right, stick with it. What's that phrase....be the change you want to see in others.
Don't let the H or the AP or the AP's wife divert you. Right now do your own 180 take care of yourself, work on your healing, and enjoy the miracle of your new baby and keep writing out these frustrations.....

But to manage day to day...I write lists, I stay off any

shoretimenow 09/01/2015

oops...I stay off or divert my attention away from anything electronic when I'm having triggers to tempt me, I make ALOT of plans with ALOT of friends.......

sarah2220 09/01/2015

Or listen to something different, like Classical music or Gospel music. Something uplifting that will not be a trigger.

imnoangelangela 09/01/2015

Songs, songs, oh the pain of some songs. I made a special playlist for myself because they do trigger deep emotions. Music has a way of doing that. If you can, make yourself a playlist of strong female songs about moving on. It really helps. Sarah has the right idea if the radio is your only option in the car. Avoid those songs at all costs, they really do cut deep.

Maybe you can write your H letters and notes on a daily or semi-daily basis just to let him know you are there for him and your heart is breaking too. That's just the sort of thing that me and my H do (about other problems), so I thought it might help.

prettyanddumb12 09/01/2015

Songs completely derail me. Completely. Before I know it I'll be weeping on the floor.

The ones that trigger my deep emotion are far from meaningful to a "normal" person. ExOM and I listened to a lot of music with a reggae vibe. I LOVE that music and now I can't listen to it. For now. One day nothing will remind me of him and it will be as though he never existed. One. fucking. day.

Be really, really careful when you share things you actually like with someone you'll likely not get to keep in your life.

Everything is a lesson, I guess. Too bad I need to learn them all the hard way.

prettyanddumb12 09/01/2015

Oh and I've been down the road you're talking about too! I confessed to a previous A and we went through that. Then, we moved and my H's work partner shares the same name as... EX AP #1! hahaha!

We don't even think about that guy now, at least not that I know of.

Time. Time heals ALL.

custos 09/02/2015

I completely get you! Music is terrible. There are songs that are OURS (AP and Mine) that instantly bring emotions. Even love songs that weren't OURS are hard to listen to. Is why I listen to audio books most of the time these days.

My W doesn't know about any specific songs but it's common for her to change the radio station when a love song comes on the radio.

Joy

whatamithinking 09/02/2015

That Taylor Swift song called "Wildest Dreams" speaks my truth. Gets me every time it comes on the radio.

pinkpony66 09/03/2015

If you sense he's been triggered it could be helpful to aknowledge his trigger. Something that I wish my husband would have done. He's great if I tell him I've been triggered but is not the one to mention its there. Sort of like the elephant in the room.

Just bring through one to change the station or put your hand on him when "they car" passes. Even just "I'm sorry" if a cheating show commercial comes on.

Time and personal growth as individuals and asa couple should lessen the occurrence and intensity of triggers but nothing (in my opinion) will ever completely end them.

gettingahead 09/13/2015

Empty...it does seem like it's magnitude 100x's over. Shows on TV will have an A going on. A movie. It's always something. We acknowledge. I always say sorry but my H is a bit of the way out of the A so we handle it much better. There will always be the song on the radio that comes on. We change it...
Time will help. I have been here though and know what you are going through...hang in there.

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