I've been here for a year and still haven't written out the details of my horrible deeds. I know the shame. How low I stooped is embarrassing- even for complete anonymous strangers to read.

You're not alone. Welcome back.

Thank you, I am in need of support and have been for a long time. Do most people use messaging instead of posting in this group?

Idk what other people do. I tend to journal more than anything.

As you may have seen from my recent thread, I'm 4 years out from my A. It was worse than just an A. It was sex crazed insanity that involved more than one relationship. In 7 months of crazy town I think I had every kind of A one can have. My story is hard for me to believe now that I have gained some distance and worked on myself so hard. I'd have to say that the pain and sadness was all consuming, especially the first two years. I actually felt like I was wearing what I did like a shroud and I couldn't see anything else without looking through it. It was weird to have something so all consuming and life changing going on with me but continue on like normal in my life and nobody knew a thing about it outside of my immediate family and a few carefully chosen people.

i have been on this site since the week after Dday and it has been a help to me in so many ways. I'm not on here as much anymore because I work so very very hard now so it's hard for me to find time to get on here when I'm not half comatose as I'm so tired in the evenings.

I just wanted to tell you that I can still easily feel the pain and sadness and often do, but it's not my norm anymore. It feels good to be free of that most of the time. I feel like the key to getting past the shroud effect is to work on yourself proactively. Probably the most helpful thing I did was go to counseling, work on myself spiritually, and read A recovery books. In my case since I was rebuilding a marriage, my H and I read them aloud together which was beyond helpful. We still read general M enrichment books together as we continue to remake our 33 year marraige. Even if you aren't rebuilding an M or your SO doesn't know, reading Aaffair recovery books can be very helpful. just don't get one geared towards rebuilding an M if that's not what you are doing. I think no matter what your life situation is right now my first recommendation would be Not Just Friends by: Shirley Glass. There are a bunch I could recommend if you are rebuilding. Especially if your SO knows.

Messaging can be good but mostly posing on this forum is better, IMO. journaling can be helpful as well. Especially since you can go back and look at it later. It's a good place to preserve things. Everyone you friend will read your journal entries if you set it up that way and can post a response if they choose. Sending hugs is always nice too. I hope you can begin to work things out within yourself and begin to heal more and find a measure of peace.

I understand. I don't think you should post your story on this public forum if you are uncomfortable (I never did). I journal mostly, made some "friends" on DS that I felt I could relate to or commiserate with and they have been a wonderful source of support.

Thank you Gabrielle, I appreciate your post and sharing your story here. Are you In R with your SO? I ended the A five years before D day. D Day was over two years ago. I never intended to disclose. I honestly believed I was going to take it to my grave. Two years ago I gave my W my passwords to my phone and email. A post on FB by someone got my W to scan through all of my emails. We have always had trust and other serious issues. She found an email from years before from the OW and emailed her. The OW contacted back and disclosed everything. They spoke often and my world of shame and secrecy finally came crashing down all around me and my W. 22 years together and 4 children. Devastated by the pain I caused my W. I am sad all the time. Thank you for the reply shore. I am keeping this group for now, I use the SI site more.

i am brand new to the group. I can not believe what i let myself get into. I am so ashamed. Some days, I dont even know if trying with the husband is worth it. I love him and I want him, but am just so depressed. I hope to get some good feedback from this group.

Bumping up this thread...

I too do not want to put the details of my situation onto this board but am learning a lot about the different scenarios people have put themselves in and I breathe a sigh of relief. Yes, it is terrible thing we are doing, taking someone for granted, being extremely over-the-top self indulgent and reckless, destroying an otherwise happy relationship between 2 people. I am doing my best to move on from this person but he sucks me in with flirtatious texts and praise. I'm single and he starts/ends relationships with women all the while, I am in the background like a dirty little secret. It has gone on for too long and hurt people along the way (most of all me).

I wish everyone in this group the courage it takes to stop their bad behavior and be the better person they yearn to be. I know I will need the support to do it myself.

David,

I noticed my wife (Gabrielle) never answered your question. In part I'm sure because she rarely has time to get on here anymore. So I'll answer it for her.

Yes, we rebuilt our marriage and have done well. While the experience was painful for both of us, and we both lost important things we can't fully get back, our relationship is richer than it has ever been in the 29 years before dday. This past May 11th was 4 years since dday. We're still going strong.

Not all, maybe not even a majority, end up in as good a place as we did, but it is possible. Part of the reason we wrote a book on how we did it, in hopes it can help others find their own path.

Hi everyone, I'm am in a similar situation as most of you and looking for a way to stop cheating. I met a man on Ashley Madison about a year and a half ago. I have distanced myself from him for a few reasons, none of them have to do with feeling guilty about cheating. My husband is a cold, emotionally abusive man. It leaves me feeling lonely and sad most of the time. Anyway, the main reason I've left the other guy is that he talks his wife up to me constantly. Her job is great, she makes a lot of money, her Louis Vuitton bag is prettier than mine, her diamond earrings are bigger, etc.. He builds her up even though she treats him worse than my husband treats me. This has gotten old and I hate the way it makes me feel. I am not a loser by any means, yet he has me feeling insecure by making these kind of comments. I haven't seen him since March, but we stay in touch through email. Last week he sent me a couple of flirty emails. I am afraid I will fall into his trap and start to see him again. I have deleted my secret email account that he contacts me on and re-activated it twice because I find myself missing him. How do I stay away from him?

Hi beachgirl. I know how you feel; my husband is the same as yours, cold, cruel and emotionally abusive. As I've mentioned on another thread, I am preparing for a divorce sometime in the next year or two.

How can you get your mind off of him? Easiest way IMO - find someone else. Please, divorce your husband if at all possible - I know how difficult it is, but you deserve better. You could find someone who really cares about you and makes you feel like a wonderful woman - which is what you deserve.