Just to be clear, I went to visit this person recently and it was amazing - we had such a strong emotional connection. It's not just about sex at all.

That's a tough but not rare situation. And, as you know, you have a number of competing circumstances. Should we assume that you've tried making your relationship with your husband less brotherly? Was it basically always that way or is this recent and perhaps changeable? Also, do you know if he feels like you are a sister to him? If so, would you guys be amenable to re-defining your marriage? How old are the kids? As I'm sure you can imagine, the current situation is most likely untenable over the long term. Obviously, I don't know anything about you and your husband's personality or situation. But I can tell you from sad experience that getting caught is just about the worst option. No matter how bad you think it would be to bring up the possibility of change - even if you don't admit about that you already have changed - I can almost 100% guarantee you that getting caught will be way, way worse. Anyway, welcome. Sorry that you are in a tough situation.

Thank you nonjene. I have tried for 4-5 years with my husband. I’ve suggested marriage counseling and have been in counseling myself for 4 years. He drinks a lot and there’s no real connection with husband. He doesn’t seem to think there’s a problem. We’re not on the same page or in the same book. I have just been so lonely. Uhg. I want to try marriage counseling for the sake of the family- the kids are both under 10.. I think my husband just doesn’t have the same needs for a real connection with someone.

That is a tough situation. I’m sorry.

Counseling sounds like it is a must in your situation. The dynamic between you and your husband can’t work if this is where you are at. You’ are already leaving in a sense by cheating. If your marriage is worth fighting for then honesty about what you are feeling to you’re husband and laying out the need for counseling is imperative.

In the end though, you can’t stay to make other people happy if you are miserable. It will negatively affect your family and your health long term. Sure divorce is painful and messy and with kids being involved things get complicated. You shouldn’t stay just for them. Especially if you are cheating. As NonJeNe pointed out getting caught will 10x worse especially for your kids.

I wish you well and hope things work out for you.

Thank you ILguy31.

Thank you ILguy37