Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Today was a surprisingly good day -especially since yesterday was so emotionally tough.
Depending on how you look at it, I have been NC since March 12th or April 16th. Either way, it has been a long time since I communicated at all with OW. Some thoughts:
I don't miss her or even wonder what she is doing anymore. I do think about her a lot but it is more like "Is this the day it all blows up on me?" "Is this going to be my D-day?" "Is she going to blow up my phone today with a series of angry messages like she had done in the past."
Although I definitely cared about her a lot at one time and told her that, I never told her that I would leave my children for her. Nor would I have ever expected her to leave her family for me.
If I could back in time what I would I have done differently? Up until recently I would have said that I would indeed gone through with the affair, but maybe ended it much sooner and not let if have dragged on for two and half years. This week, however, for the first time, I find myself saying that I wish I had never begun the affair in the first place. This is big for me because up until now, I never had that desire. We definitely had some really good times together, but now I realize that none of it was worth it and it would have been better if I had not invited her to that happy hour over three years ago. It would have saved us BOTH a lot of pain.
If I had one wish it would have been to have found this site much sooner than I did. The support here helped me come out of the fog
So, in regards to the title of this post, am I ready to get rid of that watch she gave me for my birth day in 2013? It is a very nice fancy watch, Michael Kors. Silver with a black leather wrist band. It looked really good on me and must have cost her close to two hundred. I used to put it on on my way to work (the same placed where OW and I worked together) and I would take it off on my way home (the duplicitous life I led my W didn't know about this watch). So this watch is now tucked away in a box in the attic of my house. I don't want to wear it and I don't think I should keep it, but I do not want to through it away. It sad for me because . . . well I want to be the husband and father that my w and kids deserve not the asshole cheater that I was. I am sorry OW, I wish the best for you, but I cannot keep this watch much longer.
Depending on how you look at it, I have been NC since March 12th or April 16th. Either way, it has been a long time since I communicated at all with OW. Some thoughts:
I don't miss her or even wonder what she is doing anymore. I do think about her a lot but it is more like "Is this the day it all blows up on me?" "Is this going to be my D-day?" "Is she going to blow up my phone today with a series of angry messages like she had done in the past."
Although I definitely cared about her a lot at one time and told her that, I never told her that I would leave my children for her. Nor would I have ever expected her to leave her family for me.
If I could back in time what I would I have done differently? Up until recently I would have said that I would indeed gone through with the affair, but maybe ended it much sooner and not let if have dragged on for two and half years. This week, however, for the first time, I find myself saying that I wish I had never begun the affair in the first place. This is big for me because up until now, I never had that desire. We definitely had some really good times together, but now I realize that none of it was worth it and it would have been better if I had not invited her to that happy hour over three years ago. It would have saved us BOTH a lot of pain.
If I had one wish it would have been to have found this site much sooner than I did. The support here helped me come out of the fog
So, in regards to the title of this post, am I ready to get rid of that watch she gave me for my birth day in 2013? It is a very nice fancy watch, Michael Kors. Silver with a black leather wrist band. It looked really good on me and must have cost her close to two hundred. I used to put it on on my way to work (the same placed where OW and I worked together) and I would take it off on my way home (the duplicitous life I led my W didn't know about this watch). So this watch is now tucked away in a box in the attic of my house. I don't want to wear it and I don't think I should keep it, but I do not want to through it away. It sad for me because . . . well I want to be the husband and father that my w and kids deserve not the asshole cheater that I was. I am sorry OW, I wish the best for you, but I cannot keep this watch much longer.
My suggestion is to keep it awhile longer. NC since March is not that long and you may change your mind. If it gets too unbearable then, by all means, get rid of it in a symbolic way.....like throw it off a bridge or something like that. It will liberate you once and for all.
If you don't mind my asking, why do you regret dumping the gifts?
Though I never got any gifts from my OW, I'm going through a similar process with objects. First, there were a bunch of collector pins that I got while with her at a work conference. W found about the A, and threw away all the pins. I'm glad, b/c I don't need to see them. Also, my W has moved out, and I am soon moving into a new place as well. As I get ready to move, I find myself throwing away a lot of stuff (clothes, books, games, etc) that I've just been lugging around but truthfully not using anymore. I feel like in a way, throwing away these things is part of me stripping my life down to its basics, examining who I am and what I need, and trying to start fresh, It's been cathartic.
Clover: i totally get your point about symbolically throwing it off a bridge, but it is a really nice watch that i know someone else could enjoy.
One day I took the old jewelry and my 10 year anniversary ring (given to me during his A)from my husband and sold them at one of those "WE BUY GOLD" places. I spent the money on my kids.
Maybe you could just sell it and take your wife out to dinner with that money.
I read your other post (about breaking NC) just now and the way you describe your OM matches what I have done as far as NC. So, for a moment, I thought that you might have been my OW LOL.
But seriously, like your OM, I too went cold on her and have not responded to any of her emails, or answered her calls. I even sent a somewhat cruel email before going NC. I know it is mean and I do feel bad, but some other posters here have mentioned doing something similar -they even have a name for it: they call it "cruel to be kind". Being mean and going cold is probably the only way to end they affair and let the other person move on. It sounds horrible and I do feel bad about it because on some level I still care for OW, but guess what? No matter how much I care about OW, I care a lot more about my young daughters and I don't want to be "that dad" anymore. -they deserve better. So, coming at it as the "ambivalent" OM, my thoughts on what you posted earlier regarding NC is for you to do WHATEVER you can to let him go emotionally, for yourself, not for him.
or, the politically correct answer, donate.
I wouldn't want my spouse to take me out to dinner on money that was anyway directly or indirectly related to an A.