Cheaters Anonymous Community Group

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.

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sedgwick4914 07/15/2016

OK. So as I mentioned in a reply to Shoretime's post, exAP (emphais on "ex") called me twice and sent 6 texts today ( and all before 11:00 am!). I did not answer and deleted her voicemails WITHOUT LISTENING, but I made the misteake of glancing at the the last text that she sent (yes, it was stupid of me). Turns out that her husband's brother died yesterday (from what I remember he was farely young in his late 40's) so while her poor husband is out dealing with that, she decides to call and text. I kid you not, this is part of what that last text said (it was long and I only glanced, I swear): "Please call, A's (her busband) brother died yesterday and he has left me all alone and I have no one to give me support." Seriously? It has been over a year since we last spoke (granted, you try to contact me about every six weeks). Sorry for the brother, but I do not need to hear from you.

sedgwick4914 07/15/2016

I called my therapist, Dr. D, right away and left him a message. When he called back, he said not to respond (got that) and to keep in mind that she was sitting at home bored and decided to pick up the phone and that it has NOTHING to do with me and everything to do with HER. . . . OK. I get that.

prettyanddumb12 07/15/2016

You did/are doing the right thing. It's odd to me that she hasn't found another outlet, and continues to bother you.. But rest assured that's likely the only reason why she's still doing it after such a significant period of NC from your end. She wants to suck you back in because she's emotionally bored. If she truly cared for you then she'd leave you the hell alone.

This was NOT an easy concept for me; but I am 6 months and counting of NC with my exAP!! I wouldn't even think to contact him now for any reason.. Not even a significant life event. He's no longer any of my business. She will get there eventually as you stand your NC ground!

chipmonk4 07/15/2016

Sedwick4914, stay strong, you are doing the right thing, speak to your Dr. D and vent to him if you must. We are here for you if you need support in No Contact.

gravinggirl 07/15/2016

When my former AP has tried to draw me back in with unsolicited messages, they are often of this type (some sort of drama and needing me). As a helper, it is tough to ignore, but you know that is best.

stillstuck 07/15/2016

Pls don't view this as bashing - it is not my intent. I am a betrayed spouse and want to lend that perspective to your post. Have you told your wife about the AP's outreach. This is important to disclose or will be seen as further betrayal. Since your affair was of a sexting nature it might be wise to change your number. Especially when the AP is so persistent. If I found out the my h is receiving texts whether or not he read them it would stall my recovery. She's an enemy of your marriage - she's an enemy of your wife. She is disrespectful and clearly is extremely self centered.

dsj2017 07/16/2016

It really sounds like she hasn't accepted that the A is really over. I know that if I were to experience a personal tragedy, I would likely reach out to those that I loved. Not just for support, but because a death in the family is a reminder of how short life can be and it would make me want to be close to the people I loved. I'm sorry she hasn't respected your request for NC though, and I wonder if you might need to change your phone number - or at the very least block hers.

thepassenger 07/17/2016

Is she calling your cell? I can block individual callers on my phone. I would think any smart phone would have that feature.

thepassenger 07/17/2016

I should say an individual number, not caller. You'd think she'd get the hint though.

whatamithinking 07/19/2016

iPhone lets you block a number. The phone rings once, and then the caller is told that the number called isn't available, diverted to voicemail and invited to leave a message. Note that the iPhone never receives any notification that this message has been left and it's stored in a separate folder.

If the blocked number sends a text message, everything proceeds as usual: the text is sent with no error message. But the 'receiver' doesn't get any message, or any notification.

thepassenger 07/19/2016

Reading through your journals I see youre already well aware of the block function, Sedge. All I can say is keep blocking all her numbers, keep playing whack-a-mole, even though it's a stupid, boring game. But just keep on keeping on. You're doing everything you can to do the right thing. It sucks that she won't just let go, that she keeps popping up to remind you of something you badly want to forget. One day she will take the damn hint, one day.

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