Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I haven't posted here in nearly a year, but with the holidays and a new job (my anxiety makes it severely hard for me to hold jobs). I find myself waking up in cold sweats, not feeling hungry and doubting/fearing everything in my life. This of course includes past misdeeds.
I posted a while back as I said, and to sum it up quickly I told my significant other amidst my posting here. It was one of the most painful things Ive ever done in my entire life. We still haven't worked through everything. I was actually more distraught than she was. Inconsolable to be more precise.
It feels like im dying inside all over. Everything is getting to me and the worst things ive done are on repeat in my brain. Im thinking about my aging parents, the line of online mistakes i made, my mental state, finances, everything. everything is crashing down on top of my head.
And there is no off switch. it doesn't end.
Before I continue, an aside. to anyone on these forums considering cheating or even toying with the concept, DO NOT do it. It has been well over a year since I confessed and well over almost 4 years now since I've stopped doing things. When the guilt kicks into overdrive, it leaves lasting scars. I am wrecked. ruined from the inside on a daily basis years afterwards. However bad you think your love life or situation is before cheating, magnify that by ten and realize you'll be living with that for years.
Now to continue, I need advice. her and i still haven't worked through everything but I came out and talked to her about things over the weeks following.
I'm sitting here sobbing right now, I just want to erase these memories. I want to be me again. Ive tried to forgive myself but I can't seem to do it. food has lost its taste. everything feels completely gray.
I posted a while back as I said, and to sum it up quickly I told my significant other amidst my posting here. It was one of the most painful things Ive ever done in my entire life. We still haven't worked through everything. I was actually more distraught than she was. Inconsolable to be more precise.
It feels like im dying inside all over. Everything is getting to me and the worst things ive done are on repeat in my brain. Im thinking about my aging parents, the line of online mistakes i made, my mental state, finances, everything. everything is crashing down on top of my head.
And there is no off switch. it doesn't end.
Before I continue, an aside. to anyone on these forums considering cheating or even toying with the concept, DO NOT do it. It has been well over a year since I confessed and well over almost 4 years now since I've stopped doing things. When the guilt kicks into overdrive, it leaves lasting scars. I am wrecked. ruined from the inside on a daily basis years afterwards. However bad you think your love life or situation is before cheating, magnify that by ten and realize you'll be living with that for years.
Now to continue, I need advice. her and i still haven't worked through everything but I came out and talked to her about things over the weeks following.
I'm sitting here sobbing right now, I just want to erase these memories. I want to be me again. Ive tried to forgive myself but I can't seem to do it. food has lost its taste. everything feels completely gray.
Just keep talking. If your misdeeds are in the past, then keep the talking going. Take each problematic challenge, one thing at a time. Don't try to fix everything all at once. Try to remember, timetables are fluid. Scream into a pillow. Treat yourself to something nice. Ice cream is a good start. One day at a time. If one day seems too long, then do one hour at a time, one minute if necessary.
Try not to judge yourself too harshly.