Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I've been in NC for 5 months today but I still struggle. Every single day is painful. Every. Single. Day. It is gradually getting better though. I'm not on here nearly as much as I was at first. The first few weeks was pure agony.
I admit that I do still check his twitter feed occasionally, I know I shouldn't, but that doesn't affect me too much any more. What really drags me down is seeing the happy posts on facebook from his new gf. We have many mutual friends and I can't block her for a number of reasons. Tonight she posted about how she couldn't believe she could have such a fulfilling relationship and be so fairy tale happy.
I know I did this to myself but it doesn't make shit like that hurt any less. I need to cry but I can't even seem to do that. I tried to take the high road and congratulated her and told them they both deserve happiness (which is true.) I still feel like such crap. She knows the whole story, I'm sure he's told her by now. I thought he was a good guy, he told me he cared, that he would never hurt me and that he'd always be there for me. But in the end he stayed by his wife's side when she told me to never speak with them again (she accused me of something I didn't even do). I doubt he even misses me because he was already getting hot and heavy with the gf when we stopped talking.
Just to add to it, I've have another guy trying to convince me to start an A with him! I told him no but he has been pursuing me all week. I know that part of me wants to start another A just to try to make the pain go away, but I just can't do it. It's just so premeditated and I know where that terrible path ends. I can't live with being that person. I think he finally took my NO today and is going to stop pursuing, I won't lie though, I was disappointed and yet hugely relieved at the same time.
I'm just an emotionally exhausted wreck tonight. :(
I admit that I do still check his twitter feed occasionally, I know I shouldn't, but that doesn't affect me too much any more. What really drags me down is seeing the happy posts on facebook from his new gf. We have many mutual friends and I can't block her for a number of reasons. Tonight she posted about how she couldn't believe she could have such a fulfilling relationship and be so fairy tale happy.
I know I did this to myself but it doesn't make shit like that hurt any less. I need to cry but I can't even seem to do that. I tried to take the high road and congratulated her and told them they both deserve happiness (which is true.) I still feel like such crap. She knows the whole story, I'm sure he's told her by now. I thought he was a good guy, he told me he cared, that he would never hurt me and that he'd always be there for me. But in the end he stayed by his wife's side when she told me to never speak with them again (she accused me of something I didn't even do). I doubt he even misses me because he was already getting hot and heavy with the gf when we stopped talking.
Just to add to it, I've have another guy trying to convince me to start an A with him! I told him no but he has been pursuing me all week. I know that part of me wants to start another A just to try to make the pain go away, but I just can't do it. It's just so premeditated and I know where that terrible path ends. I can't live with being that person. I think he finally took my NO today and is going to stop pursuing, I won't lie though, I was disappointed and yet hugely relieved at the same time.
I'm just an emotionally exhausted wreck tonight. :(
LOL...and I would be stalking a twitter/Facebook account too...if he had one! Maybe. I think that is perfectly normal. I actually have stopped looking at old chats/pictures/emails. It helps a little.
I am confused.... This guy is MARRIED (?) and his new AP/girlfriend is posting on FB how happy she is and people are congratulating her?
So good for you for standing your ground and saying NO, I know how tempting it is.
Shoretime - Yes it's pretty complicated. He has a wife, she knows (and approved of) our affair. She also knows and approves of the new gf. They are essentially in an open/poly relationship. All three have unfriended me, but because my H doesn't know I can't block them in order to make them disappear from groups that we are all in. It really sucks, although I'm not sure I'd have the strength to block them anyway. I keep holding out this insane hope that he'll want to contact me again someday... which is ridiculous I know I need to let go forever but it's so hard.
I must admit this paragraph really alarmed me because it took me back to the reason I have an OM#2 and that turned out the be the worst part of the whole thing. A lot of what I did after OM#1 was to make the pain go away, or to medicate the withdrawal. I even remember coaching myself and saying "no no no, I can't have an A with this man!" "I have to make this stop!" I tried to but failed. I also tried repeatedly with OM#1 to make it stop and failed. Several times I thought OM#1 was taking my NO and was going to stop and I too felt relieved but disappointed. Trouble is I was still giving him the wrong vibes so he didn't stop.
I have a friend who has helped me through this who had a very serious and painful EA two years before mine. She called me one day not too long ago to tell me that a man at the gym had flirted with her. She was flattered and amused and it brought back a lot of the addictive chemical reaction, but she took serious steps to make sure she never crossed paths with him again. Sometimes we've got to be a little extreme. Like an addict or alcoholic who has to be very diligent to avoid tempting situations.
So whatever you do.....FLEE!!! (as I'm quite sure you will since you have already been through so much pain. Nothing like touching a hot stove and getting burned to convince you to keep your hands away from the heat.)
Did you know that anyone you lied to during your affair didn't really mean it when they said they love you or cared for you or did anything nice for you, because if they knew the truth about you, they would despise you? That maybe, if you really thought about it, you don't deserve happiness because you haven't earned the right.
Even if you confessed and they said they forgave you.... resentment would grow in them and bloom in a horrific and angry display the day they finally left you (or, simply slept with another person for revenge and didn't tell you). You'll think they forgave you, and moved past it.... but in many ways you'd notice the pain festering inside them and tainting every word and action with them.
Your children will grow up not being able to trust others in relationships from the behavior you modeled.
They may even despise you to and find themselves unable to forgive you. Sure, you'd still be their parent, but some part between you and them would be lost forever, just like with your spouse.
You leave nothing but a legacy of betrayal, hurt, and trails of emotional wreckage in your wake.