Okay, so feeling really crappy the past few days. Feeling like I just want to tell my AP how I really feel about his situation. He's a textbook people pleaser who wants everyone to love him and goes out of his way doing stuff for everyone. Because we work in very close proximity, I have the pleasure of listening to him bend over backwards each day trying to please his wife. Ugh - there are few things more unappealing and libido-zapping than listening to a grown man grovel at the feet of a disgusting, horrid excuse for a person. I know her fairly well from many company events and she is just a piece of work. Mean, bitchy, self-absorbed, spoiled, creepy, and very physically unattractive to boot. The woman is just a walking nightmare, and she is most definitely emotionally abusing him.

Now, my AP is like most guys in that he knows his wife is no prize, but he wants to stay married because he's afraid of losing contact with his preteen child (why do guys do that??? I mean, I know it's easier in the short-term, but who the hell wants to live with someone who treats them like shit?).

Also, because he grew up in a very strict Catholic household, and is so concerned about other people's opinions of him, I know he's afraid people would think less of him as a (gasp!) divorced man. But problem is, he doesn't really know how low people's opinions are of his wife. We've all run into the situation where you make friends with someone, he introduces you to his significant other, you think to yourself "what the hell does he see in her?" but you wouldn't dream of saying that to him. It's the same situation - everyone in my office knows his wife is awful. It was a topic of discussion long before I started my A with him. General consensus is, she's a loser, but he has no idea because no one will say it to his face.

I really do care about AP and if he wants to stay married, I don't hold it against him. But it makes me angry to see him with someone who treats him that way. He entered into the A with me because he wasn't having any of his own needs met. I take pleasure in meeting his needs and making him happy, but I'm not going to do it if it makes it easier for him to keep groveling at that horrid woman's feet.

So in short, this is the convo I fantasize having::

"Yeah, so you know how you are always bending over backwards to please that horrid bitch of a wife of yours? Well, not only is it the biggest turnoff imaginable, but you should NOT be doing that for anyone!!! If you have to stifle yourself to please a woman, she isn't the right woman! And you know what else? You think you're doing your kid a favor? She's one of the worst smother mothers I've ever seen, super controlling and clearly very emotionally dependent on the poor kid. Mark my words, in 15 years when your kid gets married, she's going to be the Super Bitch Mother-in-Law from Hell to your kid's wife, and you'll probably never see them. I love you but I can't keep seeing you if you're going to act so subservient to a person like that. Grow a fucking backbone already! You'd be a hell of a lot better off!"

Do you think this seems mean-spirited? I don't want it to seem that way. It's the truth, every word of it. And if he cuts me off because I told the truth, I don't really care. Because if he wants to be with a POS like that, he's welcome to her. But he can't say I didn't warn him.