Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
Well I had to go to extreme measures. I had to change jobs and not only block exAP cell but changed MY cell number all together. Because exAP would call my office phone and cell from other numbers, just to ask how was I doing and to say I have no idea how much I meant to him. Those calls played with my head. He knows I have true feelings regardless of all the many ups and downs we had. 5+ yrs is a long time. I felt horrible after I would hang up on him or pretend the call was a client just so my co-workers would not figure things out. My emotions change from day to day, from love to hate. Hope was still playing in my head, the fairy tale thoughts. So I start my new job on Monday. I should feel excited...but I don't. I know now with no surprise calls that I can concentrate on starting my life over to be truly without exAP. I still think about him all the time but at the end my actions didn't match up to my emotions. Thank goodness! Today I feel pain. My warped thoughts are maybe if I did this or that differently maybe we could have made it work. The NC starts fresh with a different tactic. I know that this is the only route with no distractions to get my sanity back. I keep reading all the posts here and you guys help me a lot. You all keep me in check. So on my last day off I sit here home alone listening to one of my favorite artist Stevie Nicks uncertain of what my future holds.
You have to lower your expectations of bliss for a while. For instance 10 tasks completed well- might add up to one of those kisses where you felt like the rest of the world was gone. So, clean out a closet, organize your junk drawer, delete all those crappy pictures on your phone that you had to take just to get that one good one. Finish a bunch of unfinished. Call that person you promised to call...etc
You get my drift, I think.
The longer removed you are, I find, I have a harder time forgetting the 'bad'. (That is why I have my journal entries and in one private, I have a list of all the qualities of him that made me want to never look back, sometimes it helps).
One of the things that helps me is I have to remember that its normal and to accept that I will miss him. After all you were in a huge relationship with this man, like Cat said, there is a void there. But just because I miss someone doesn't mean they are right or good for me. And, like Cat said, lists of tasks help me.....completing tasks and checking the box.
That's pretty crazy you have to go as far as leave your job to escape him. It sounds as if he has boundary issues, which is more frightening. (add that to the list of qualities).
It can be done. But the road isn't linear, it has a lot of twists and turns. Just know and accept they will be there and ride them out but (again, quoting Cat), keep the end game in site. And be kind to yourself.