Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
So I posted recently about fighting the urge to cheat with a woman that caught my attention a while back.
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous/discussions/messages/20662751
Well we saw each other and both had trouble giving in to the urge. Oh, WE WANTED TO but we both knew we would regret it and if we didn't there was no way to stop the feelings if they got stronger. So my EA did not become a full on A and I respect her even more for that. She could have easily been aggressive and I probably would have given in. I was very happy to see her. She makes me smile, which I don't seem to do much lately. Even so I would say that we probably won't see each other again. She said it was too hard to see me knowing that I can't be hers and I completely understand. I have never had to deal with conflicting feelings before and I am still fighting the urge to see her.
I want to thank everyone on this forum. By sharing your stories I have see a much needed perspective. If it weren't for hearing how much pain you are going through I probably would have made a huge mistake.
My marriage is still great and I don't know why I have these feelings for someone else. I've never had them before. Something has changed for me and I am trying to figure out what so I can fix it. I have been flirting a lot more so maybe I'm not getting enough attention at home. I don't know...... Regardless I can still feel the urge inside me. I am worried that I am going to find another woman to focus my attention on.
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous/discussions/messages/20662751
Well we saw each other and both had trouble giving in to the urge. Oh, WE WANTED TO but we both knew we would regret it and if we didn't there was no way to stop the feelings if they got stronger. So my EA did not become a full on A and I respect her even more for that. She could have easily been aggressive and I probably would have given in. I was very happy to see her. She makes me smile, which I don't seem to do much lately. Even so I would say that we probably won't see each other again. She said it was too hard to see me knowing that I can't be hers and I completely understand. I have never had to deal with conflicting feelings before and I am still fighting the urge to see her.
I want to thank everyone on this forum. By sharing your stories I have see a much needed perspective. If it weren't for hearing how much pain you are going through I probably would have made a huge mistake.
My marriage is still great and I don't know why I have these feelings for someone else. I've never had them before. Something has changed for me and I am trying to figure out what so I can fix it. I have been flirting a lot more so maybe I'm not getting enough attention at home. I don't know...... Regardless I can still feel the urge inside me. I am worried that I am going to find another woman to focus my attention on.
Dropping off kids at school this morning, saw a "prospect" who was obviously reciprocally interested. She reminded of my final (I hope!) affair.
And now I'm thrown into the desire to seek out that old affair (NC for 5 months).
Wonder how much of this is sexual frustration? Wife is convinced I'm a sex addict, and so has been extremely reluctant to be physically intimate with me (3 times in 5 months). Dammit, what do I do?
You're only human, BetterMan. You're going to feel things toward other people. It's what we all do. Dealing with those feelings in a positive way, however, can be the hard part. I think your awareness of your vulnerabilities is step one. Stay strong, and stay committed.
I wish I had the answer.
It feels as if I won't be able to stop this desire......
If I got caught and lost my wife it would break me! Even so I am still walking the line and can't seem to control myself. What do you do to keep yourself focussed?!? I have a long business trip coming up and I barely made it through the last one.....
- I have 2 accountability partners that I've met through an SAA meeting. It's literally a 12 step program which seemed like overkill until I start to review my own previous posts and raging desires...
- I check in daily (6:05 am) with one of them and it helps set up the day.
- This forum has become increasingly useful to me.
- I am working with 2 counselors (again, apparent overkill until you start to think about it)
- Journaling is good, but I find myself doing it less (probably need to start again)
Dammit, why can't I just live the happy, sweet family life in one dimension and then harmlessly cavort on the side? Is it really so very bad? (This is the other voice which I don't really believe, but it's VERY loud sometimes)