I had an affair with my best friend's husband...Rightfully, she was very angry with me and was determined to let the whole world know, and that is exactly what she did. I don't blame her, and I can only imagine the betrayal she felt. I threw away 20 years of our friendship because her husband fell in love with me and validated my being because I felt little self worth in my own marriage. Instead of leaning on my husband, I went outside of our marriage for fear of invalidation within my own marriage. I felt alone in my marriage, and when we had a big fight, he took my wedding ring that he gave me telling me I didn't deserve it. Confiding in my soon to be AP was a big mistake, that is when I gave into the affair. While trying to reconcile with my husband after disclosing the affair, he had asked me to cut off contact from everyone that I knew except my for my family. So I did just that - no contact, no apologies, no chance to express my regret to my friends that I had hurt.

Now my husband and I have decided to separate after about 4 months of trying to reconcile. Before, what my husband asked me to do was my priority, and if it meant he wanted me to contact no one I knew, I was willing to do so to save our marriage. However, now our marriage is dissolving, and I have a chance to try to make things right with the people I have hurt. But I don't know where to begin. Is it selfish for me to now want to reach out to at least express my deepest regret for how I have hurt my friends, whom I kept my affair a complete secret? Even my other best friend who would have still loved me even if I committed murder has shunned me.

I am making strides, reflecting on what I have done, how much I have hurt people I care about including myself, and that I have done this because I didn't love my own self enough. So I am working on that, rediscovering who I am, finding my purpose, redefining my values and beliefs so that I can never commit such sin again in my lifetime. Seeking God for forgiveness, repenting my acts of adultery has helped me realize that I need to work on myself before anything else.

Has anyone been in this situation, where you had an affair with a close friend's husband or wife, shunned by all or most of friends but had success or advice on to move forward?

Thank you.