Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
So I guess I deal with things by avoiding them, that's why i am avoiding this forum. I can't face or talk to anyone. So I just go away. I can't bear to read the posts of people here who are dealing with it and trying to end it & trying to become better people.
I can't end my A and on top of that... I seem to have totally checked out and have no emotions anymore. My life with my H is going along just fine, he's not suspicious, he has no clue what I'm doing and but I make up lies about going out of town business, trips etc to be with my AP.
Then I go spend 2-3 days with him and we have fun, we talk, we pretend, we avoid the subject of my marriage etc.
Then I come home & all goes back to normal.
I spent the first 3-4 months in such emotional turmoil that I ended up having a near breakdown and at the doctor's office.
Now I'm like a robot, going from one life to the other. Do I love anyone? How can I so effortlessly float between two people with no regard for anyone?
Before I was such a blithering mess I was afraid I'd blurt it out to my husband at any moment. I wanted nothing more than to end it with my AP and go back to my H and be a normal person again.
I feel like I've developed a split personality and it's kind scary actually. My lies are so good, my H is so trusting.
It's not like I'm getting a perverse pleasure out of betraying him. I don't feel guilt or a thrill or anything anymore.
I just feel like I'm going off to my other job or other life. I pack up my bags, load my car & say see ya in a few days honey! Take care, dont' forget to let the dog out & hey maybe we can go to a movie when I get back on Sunday!
WTF.
I can't end my A and on top of that... I seem to have totally checked out and have no emotions anymore. My life with my H is going along just fine, he's not suspicious, he has no clue what I'm doing and but I make up lies about going out of town business, trips etc to be with my AP.
Then I go spend 2-3 days with him and we have fun, we talk, we pretend, we avoid the subject of my marriage etc.
Then I come home & all goes back to normal.
I spent the first 3-4 months in such emotional turmoil that I ended up having a near breakdown and at the doctor's office.
Now I'm like a robot, going from one life to the other. Do I love anyone? How can I so effortlessly float between two people with no regard for anyone?
Before I was such a blithering mess I was afraid I'd blurt it out to my husband at any moment. I wanted nothing more than to end it with my AP and go back to my H and be a normal person again.
I feel like I've developed a split personality and it's kind scary actually. My lies are so good, my H is so trusting.
It's not like I'm getting a perverse pleasure out of betraying him. I don't feel guilt or a thrill or anything anymore.
I just feel like I'm going off to my other job or other life. I pack up my bags, load my car & say see ya in a few days honey! Take care, dont' forget to let the dog out & hey maybe we can go to a movie when I get back on Sunday!
WTF.
I hope the best for you, hope you can find a way to do the right thing.
You say your H doesn't suspect a thing. Are you so sure? My H acted like he didn't either but I know he knew. My H was like the cat with a bag over his head....wait it out until I realized what I had with AP was a fake reality, a fantasy. Now it's like the elephant in the middle of the room but we are working on us. And for those BS's out there that wonder why I don't confess. It's bc I know H had an A too years before mine. I know he will NEVER admit any wrongdoing. I'm not going to have someone holding my past A over my head every time we disagree on something. That's a guy thing, per Steve Harvey...ride that lie till the very end.
Honestly, Mary...its ok. Your gut is telling you "this isn't right" and you are on here. You are just in the "high" of it and the thrill of it. I get it. I sooo get it. And we are here for you. There will come a day.....
I joined almost 3 months before I ended my affair...just stalking the boards. Just knew it wasn't right, but couldn't or didnt' want it to end.
Like Clover said, there will come a day when you have to make a choice. Just hope that its not because your H discovers it.