I am so happy for you that you are letting go! Wow! Such a long time. You are incredibly strong. I wish a minute would go by without me thinking of my OM. Ugh. It's so hard!

I'm happy for you Gabi. You have worked hard and deserve the stressfree days

Gabrielle that is wonderful to hear! I can only imagine how exciting that was when you realized it. I liken it to when my two good friends were killed when I was 17. Everyday I thought of them for months until eventually it became less and less. Doesn't mean you don't care but that you are ok to move on.
With my situation it is unlikely that will ever happen BUT there will be a day when I do think of him it won't hurt. I will just smile and continue on...I am getting there :)
I know how hard you have work for it!!! Congrats!

Sounds like a good day for you, congrats. Coming from the BS side, may I ask what does that mean that the OM didn't pop into your head? Are they negative or positive thoughts? Do you miss him or feel shame?

I ask because I wonder if my H still thinks about the OW, specially considering they still work together.

Hope I'm not prying.

That sucks that they work together. In the early months I wished I was in a situation where I could still see him, but now I know that total NC actually makes it a lot easier.

For the longest time my thoughts of him were so frequent and it would be anything from memories or daydreaming to praying for him. I felt a lot of guilt towards him. We had become companions. He was a kind and gentle and lonely man and I was deep in the fog already when we met. I feel like I sucked him into my vortex and he ended up suffering a lot of pain because of me. In the early days it was guilt and worry, for a while I felt a desperate need to talk to him again but I knew I couldn't. I cried endlessly over him, myself, my marriage, my H, all of it. Once I got past the initial months and let go of the guilt and worry, I just felt sorry and sad when I thought of him.

I have recently come to a much better place. A place of acceptance. I have done more letting go. That is why I can think of him without emotion. The bond I created with him is much weaker and in my mind I have released myself from the connection I have with him. Like letting go of the balloon and allowing it to float away.

He still "pops into my head." I work twice a month at a house in his neighborhood. Every time I am in his part of town I am aware that I may see him in his car (smallish town). When I am in public places such as stores, I am aware that we could end up there together. Actually it has kinda happened twice but not face to face and I wasn't alone. I used to get panicky when I was alone in public places as I sometimes have to be. Now, the thought crosses my mind but I can stay calm and peaceful, knowing that if it happens it happens but I will do the right thing. I still tend to have my H or someone on blue tooth when I am in public though because I still find it comforting. If I can't do that I repeat a simple prayer.

Other things that make him come to mind are triggers relating to places we were at together and things we did together and certain songs, etc. but when he pops into my head nowadays there is not much to it. I just let it go, although it sometimes triggers a feeling of sorry sadness over the fact of the whole A including the 5 mos before he became a part of it. If I were to dwell on it I could miss him as a friend. I used to. I don't allow that anymore. I know it was not right for us to be together and we both must let go and get on with life. If my thoughts go to un-allowed places or dwell too much on un-allowed things, I snap the rubber band that I always wear around my wrist and tell myself to knock it off. My priest calls it "guarding my thoughts." Guarding can hurt, Lol

Gabrielle, I admire your strength and am sending you a hug. Thanks for posting this.

Thanks Gabby for sharing your story. It's nice to have you here to help support some of us BS.

I just found out my H should be switching shifts soon, it will be less stressful once he stops working with her.

Thanks again